Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:51
Subject: Re:Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
My mother died when I was 6 and she was 34. My husband and I adopted our son when I was 48 and he was 51. Yes, we will be old when he graduates high school. We spent many years in fertility treatments. Life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.
FTR: We are way more active with him than many of the parents of his friends. Our son does the normal sports stuff. We also spend much of the winter skiing with him. We do other activities like ropes courses, zip lines. We hike a lot as a family. My husband and I keep ourselves in shape and do the best we can to eat well. We also keep up with our regular check ups.
I could be hit by a bus tomorrow or I could live until 104 like my grandfather.
FTR: We are way more active with him than many of the parents of his friends. Our son does the normal sports stuff. We also spend much of the winter skiing with him. We do other activities like ropes courses, zip lines. We hike a lot as a family. My husband and I keep ourselves in shape and do the best we can to eat well. We also keep up with our regular check ups.
I could be hit by a bus tomorrow or I could live until 104 like my grandfather.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:45
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
My parents and in-laws are in their 80s are in great health. My dad goes to the gym for two hours every other day, my mom does yoga every day. Sounds like you're parents aren't taken good care of themselves.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:42
Subject: Re:Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:It’s selfish to have kids when you’re younger, not as financially stable, and not as ready to devote most or all of your time to your kids. Happy, now?
Haha. True. There are pros and cons to having kids older vs younger.
My sister had kids when they were younger, and when they were not as financially stable. They had sooo many issues in their marriage due to the financial stress, mostly. It bleeds into all facets of a marriage.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:41
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No, it’s selfish to not provide for your own retirement.
That, but also the OP FIL was 46 when she/her husband was born. That means he was 64 when he graduated HS and started college.
So you need to plan for being financially stable to support your kids, as they are not yet "out of the house" when you might want to/need to physically retire. You are much more likely to die before they graduate HS, and you might not be around to see them graduate college or get married.
So it's definately something to consider. I definately would not want my 20 yo kid having to worry about elderly parents (and yes being 66 is elderly)
haha. you won't feel "elderly" when you are 66. DH is 60, and doesn't feel "elderly".
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:32
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:No, it’s selfish to not provide for your own retirement.
My youngest was born when DH was 44, I was 38. We do not want to burden them financially in our retirement, however, that doesn't mean that the elderly parent doesn't need someone to watch out for them. We have two kids, and hopefully, they can share the burden of keeping an eye out on us when we are older, but they won't need to help us financially (hopefully).
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:29
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:No, it’s selfish to not provide for your own retirement.
That, but also the OP FIL was 46 when she/her husband was born. That means he was 64 when he graduated HS and started college.
So you need to plan for being financially stable to support your kids, as they are not yet "out of the house" when you might want to/need to physically retire. You are much more likely to die before they graduate HS, and you might not be around to see them graduate college or get married.
So it's definately something to consider. I definately would not want my 20 yo kid having to worry about elderly parents (and yes being 66 is elderly)
Anonymous
04/16/2025 17:13
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:I am just realizing how selfish it is to your kids to wait to have much older parents. DH's dad is 86 and we are 41. He is in declining health and needs a ton of care. He is not financially well off so it is all falling on us/SIL to take care of him. Right now he is in the hospital. This is the second hospital visit this year that has been for a week or more. So SIL and DH need to split time and drive and take care of him. We have 3 young kids (under the age of 10), both work full time and have busy lives.
When my parents are the same age as FIL I will be in my 60s. No kids at home and more easily able to take care of them as they age. The sandwich between elderly parents and young kids is just so hard and unfair to the kids who have to deal with the burden.
More "depopulation propaganda"? Seriously?
It's not your business to tell others how to live their life.
Perhaps you should stop being so judgmental of others also.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 13:52
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
You had your kids too late, OP.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 11:53
Subject: Re:Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
It’s selfish to have kids when you’re younger, not as financially stable, and not as ready to devote most or all of your time to your kids. Happy, now?
Anonymous
04/16/2025 10:20
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:This is why I plan to exit before I become a burden on my kids.
I feel the same. I watched my Dad deal with his own father's early onset dementia. I always knew if my Dad got the same diagnosis, he would commit suicide. Fortunately my Dad is in his 70s and has been spared so far. Before the dementia my granddad adored his kids. After was just horrible with the paranoia and abuse.
I would never put my kid through what my dad went through. I'd absolutely choose to exit if I got that diagnosis.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 10:16
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
This is why I plan to exit before I become a burden on my kids.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 09:35
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
My great grandfather was in his late 50s when my grandma was born. Old parents are absolutely nothing new.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 09:29
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So your situation applies to EVERYONE whose parents had them when they were in their 40’s?
This. And 60 year old kids have their own issues and can find it difficult to care for a parent.
Pretty sure this is going to be me one day. I’m the oldest and my parents were 25 when I was born. Someday I’ll be 60 with an 85 year old father. His own parents/my grandparents both lived to 90. His grandmother lived to 92. His aunt lived to 101! My mom has a lot of health conditions and probably will not live that long. There are no perfect solutions, other than hopefully taking care of your own retirement.
Anonymous
04/16/2025 07:07
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel the general IQ of DCUM has plummeted recently. Was it always this full of idiots?
There have been a lot more MAGAs recently.
It’s like an infestation.
This! I’ve noticed this too across all threads. Just like roaches.
Anonymous
04/15/2025 21:12
Subject: Its selfish to have kids in your 40s and beyond
Anonymous wrote:So your situation applies to EVERYONE whose parents had them when they were in their 40’s?
This. And 60 year old kids have their own issues and can find it difficult to care for a parent.