Anonymous wrote:When I think of a coddled child it’s one that has no consequences or responsibilities. Unlimited yeses. Not spoiled as much as life has the softest of guardrails and a clean up crew.

Is that accurate?

Op here. Yes, these kids have no responsibilities or consequences. I don’t necessarily think they are spoiled materialistically, although they want for nothing as they do all have money.

I have a friend who coddled her kids and now her and hubs are retired and she still coddles. They are UMC. She posts pics of the lunches she makes for them with cut up fruit and quartered sandwiches. They are all in their 30s, still single, still live at home. Mom posts how great they are at their jobs, how proud she is...yadda yadda...but IDK. The kids still seem so childish to me as they don't seem to have a life outside of home when I see Saturday night family game night pics, or family pics of them at a Nats game or what not.

She always posts how she hopes they never move out and at the rate they are going, they won't.

They turn out same as the other kids, except they can't cook or clean and have no discipline or self-starting initiative and expect everyone to do things for them. No life skills to speak of.

My wife was an only child from China. I gather life was like that for her. Her parents are here, and they even want to take care of her kids for her. She expects me to make her tea for her in the morning.

Very different from my childhood that is for sure. Want a car, get a job...

I have friends who have always pushed their kids hard to dominate everything in their path and brag about how independent and self-motivated they are. These kids definitely aren’t coddled, but they’re shallow and kind of mean, and all they care about is winning.

They think I coddle my kids (and they’re not wrong) because I still drive my teen to school every day even though she has her license, and I let them sleep as late as they want on weekends, and I cook meals that are palatable to my pickiest eater. My kids are super nice and laid back, though, and I want to do nice things for them because I like them. I didn’t really have that growing up.

When I think of a coddled child it’s one that has no consequences or responsibilities. Unlimited yeses. Not spoiled as much as life has the softest of guardrails and a clean up crew.

Is that accurate?

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t understand what you mean by coddled. Could you be more specific?

Apparently it’s code for “wimpy boy” as if the parents made the kid grow up to not be “athletic” or have “top stats”.

So basically just typical mean moms who are measuring the performance of their own kids and their friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

Ha! I was just thinking that the most coddled people I know are my Indian friends and their opposite sex parents.

Frankly, I think they did well. They found partners who love to dote on them in the same kind of way, and they reciprocate. They all went to medical school. They are raising their kids in a similar way.

People like to say that super coddled kids will fail as adults because they don’t know how to be independent, and logically that makes sense, but all of the wealthy super coddled kids I know are incredibly successful adults, actually. It probably helps that their parents are still offering lots of support in adulthood. I don’t actually know how the less wealthy super coddled kids are doing. I mean probably not as well because wealth matters.

The more OP posts, it seems clear she isn’t talking about helicoptering. She seems to have this idea that boys should be “manly and sporty” and if they aren’t that way, she sees them as “wimpy”. She seems to be grossly stereotyping what boys should be like.

She just wants to pick a fight about what being a boy should look like. It isn’t wimpy to join Battle of the Books and be an introvert instead of an outgoing athlete. But she sure sounds like that is what she thinks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

Do you know them well enough to know if there are any invisible disabilities? Some times things are not how they appear.

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many kids are so coddled. The parents do everything and anything for them. I’m not even sure I would call them spoiled. They are often only children or the baby of the family or the kid who doesn’t want to do things for themselves. They almost always have very aggressive type a type parents.

Do these kids become failure to launch?

The kids seem so dependent on their parents in a very negative way.

Narcissists.

Anonymous wrote:Humans are resilient; if we can overcome childhood trauma, we can overcome a coddled childhood.

This.

The coddled kids will be just fine and learn how to do what they need to do when they need to do it. They can even you tube the how to if need be.

It’s amazing how the brain can learn at any age. Humans are very resourceful.

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many kids are so coddled. The parents do everything and anything for them. I’m not even sure I would call them spoiled. They are often only children or the baby of the family or the kid who doesn’t want to do things for themselves. They almost always have very aggressive type a type parents.

Do these kids become failure to launch?

The kids seem so dependent on their parents in a very negative way.

I see the same in my Title 1 school. I've never seen helicopter parents like there. So many of them carry their kids from the car to the school door. Many push past me on the way in because they think their kids don't know where their classroom is or how to put stuff away in their locker. Others stand at the door and shout instructions for their kid to take off their cost, hang it in their locker, etc. Before Covid, parents would come into the cafeteria at lunch and spoon feed (literally) their pre-k and kindergarten students breakfast and lunch. The boys in pre-k and kindergarten come out of the bathroom with their pants around their ankles because their moms pull their pants up for them. I'm not kidding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

Money can buy your way into top privates.

Horribly. Most of my coddled college/grad school friends who went from St. Paul's or Horace Mann to Penn or wherever they had a legacy tried their best as adults, but really couldn't make it without mom and dad doing everything for them...and so now they are late 30s and early 40s and haven't made it. It's not about wealth per se, it's about coddling. Your parents can expect a lot and then do a lot to make up the gap between what you can do and they want you to do or they can expect a lot and you can make up that gap. What parents can and should expect is child specific, but it's important to expect a lot and make that clear and then not coddle.

I still don’t understand what you mean by coddled. Could you be more specific?