Anonymous
03/21/2025 08:28
Subject: Re:Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another father here. I went from big law to fed when my DC was 3. I wish I had done it sooner. My time with my family is my real life, and every hour I spend with them is worth more than gold.
I will leave the law before going back to big law as a parent.
We could live very comfortably on an HHI of 140k. Numbers breakdown per month is roughly:
3500 mortgage
600 utility (gas, electric, water, phone, Internet)
800 grocery
100 kid activities
1000 aftercare/saving up for summer camp
1000 529 contribution
1000 investment
100 save up for vacation (we mostly camp)
500-1000 for incidentals
And still making max contribution to 401k.
But I also recognize if you don't have a house already, saving up for a down payment might be extremely difficult. In that case, maybe a few years of biglaw to get yourself settled might be worthwhile. The only issue is that there might not be a fed job to come back to.
Also, as a litigator, I have found in house roles extremely hard to crack. People say "oh, just go in house", but it's not easy!!
You have a 401K as a Fed?
Why?
TSP is essentially a 401k. You know that and everyone else who lives in the dc area knows that.
Who are you trying to impress by trying to find a mistake in her post?
Anonymous
03/21/2025 08:26
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
This depends on school choice (public v private) and number of kids. Tuition payments will eat up money above and beyond mortgage payments. Also, you're currently looking at $85-90K per year for top colleges.
Anonymous
03/21/2025 08:21
Subject: Re:Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:Another father here. I went from big law to fed when my DC was 3. I wish I had done it sooner. My time with my family is my real life, and every hour I spend with them is worth more than gold.
I will leave the law before going back to big law as a parent.
We could live very comfortably on an HHI of 140k. Numbers breakdown per month is roughly:
3500 mortgage
600 utility (gas, electric, water, phone, Internet)
800 grocery
100 kid activities
1000 aftercare/saving up for summer camp
1000 529 contribution
1000 investment
100 save up for vacation (we mostly camp)
500-1000 for incidentals
And still making max contribution to 401k.
But I also recognize if you don't have a house already, saving up for a down payment might be extremely difficult. In that case, maybe a few years of biglaw to get yourself settled might be worthwhile. The only issue is that there might not be a fed job to come back to.
Also, as a litigator, I have found in house roles extremely hard to crack. People say "oh, just go in house", but it's not easy!!
You have a 401K as a Fed?
Anonymous
03/21/2025 07:58
Subject: Re:Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Another father here. I went from big law to fed when my DC was 3. I wish I had done it sooner. My time with my family is my real life, and every hour I spend with them is worth more than gold.
I will leave the law before going back to big law as a parent.
We could live very comfortably on an HHI of 140k. Numbers breakdown per month is roughly:
3500 mortgage
600 utility (gas, electric, water, phone, Internet)
800 grocery
100 kid activities
1000 aftercare/saving up for summer camp
1000 529 contribution
1000 investment
100 save up for vacation (we mostly camp)
500-1000 for incidentals
And still making max contribution to 401k.
But I also recognize if you don't have a house already, saving up for a down payment might be extremely difficult. In that case, maybe a few years of biglaw to get yourself settled might be worthwhile. The only issue is that there might not be a fed job to come back to.
Also, as a litigator, I have found in house roles extremely hard to crack. People say "oh, just go in house", but it's not easy!!
I will leave the law before going back to big law as a parent.
We could live very comfortably on an HHI of 140k. Numbers breakdown per month is roughly:
3500 mortgage
600 utility (gas, electric, water, phone, Internet)
800 grocery
100 kid activities
1000 aftercare/saving up for summer camp
1000 529 contribution
1000 investment
100 save up for vacation (we mostly camp)
500-1000 for incidentals
And still making max contribution to 401k.
But I also recognize if you don't have a house already, saving up for a down payment might be extremely difficult. In that case, maybe a few years of biglaw to get yourself settled might be worthwhile. The only issue is that there might not be a fed job to come back to.
Also, as a litigator, I have found in house roles extremely hard to crack. People say "oh, just go in house", but it's not easy!!
Anonymous
03/21/2025 07:58
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I thought it was charming you referred to yourself as an expectant dad. Fathers also anticipate a big change and have stress. It doesn’t show and it is less acknowledged.
Many, not all, expectant moms have physical changes that announce what is to occur and get attention, some unwanted.
Good for you, OP, for revealing your status and reveling in it. You will be a great dad no matter which career path you pursue.
I am the mom and I was able to have flexibility and great earnings. Self-employment, timing, hard work, years f prep and luck. I know that isn’t a common path. Both the time and the money helped our child and our family have choices in life.
Thank you for acknowledging this. I am a dad of a kindergartner. I love our son so much it is really hard to describe. Your life completely changes overnight and basically society does not care. dads are not given ample time to be with their families in general, and clients don't care if you have a sick kid or wife at home.
We had our kid before paternity leave was a thing for the feds and my wife had a very complicated and scary delivery experience. I took some time off after the birth to help take care of her medical issues, but I did not get the paternity leave that you now get in the feds.
OP - cherish the time you have. Take the fed paternity leave, take extra annual leave if you need to, or medical leave if your wife or child have medical complications. you won't get that time back, and time moves fast.
Anonymous
03/21/2025 07:47
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:People acidly telling OP than anyone can easily live on a 300K HHI in the DMV area must have bought their family home in the before times and locked in a nice low rate or have family assistance or don’t mind a long commute to work from their faraway affordable suburb. OP, if that’s not you I believe thinking long term about your career prospects and earning potential is smart. You have to envision what kind of work life balance you want of course but you can work towards that while saving money. I’m a lawyer and have done biglaw, Fed and in house, both non profit and private sector work. As a lawyer you want to think about your long term salary potential. What would be the plan with going back to a law firm? If you are thinking about trying to make partner, then yes that is a significant commitment that would most likely mean you miss out a lot on your DCs most formative years. That was a no for me. However if you have a 2-5 year plan that will broaden your skills, expand future earning potential and give you a couple years to save as aggressively as you can for a down payment for a home, retirement and college funds then I would seriously consider that. Children are extremely expensive, public service is no longer a stable long term option and I think these times call for making strategic career choices that in the long term will increase your options even if it means a short term sacrifice.
Incorrect. I live in another large east coast city with very expensive housing. We have a HHI of less than 300K and one kid. We bought with 5% down in 2019, so yes, we have a lower interest rate, but just HAVE LESS STUFF. We live within a 30 minute commute from downtown, have a house with a (small) yard, two cars, go on vacations, and don't have family help. That means we paid for day care for 5.5 years
We just have less stuff. We don't go out to eat very often (but who does with a little kid at home) and don't care about keeping up with the neighbors. We vacation using points or go places close by.
It is totally doable on a 300K HHI. If you can't do it, then you're doing something wrong.
I agree with the other posters. Time is your most important asset. You don't need more money, you need more time. You'll realize this once the kid is born.
Anonymous
03/21/2025 07:41
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how this happened, but my husband and I are career feds (I’m a DOJ lawyer, hubs is a PhD scientist). We raised two kids in the close-in DC suburbs. Both are in college now. We live in a 1.7 M home and our combined net worth is $9M. It can be done if you save and invest wisely. I took 6 years off when the kids were small. Our starter home was very modest (but still close-in) and we learned to live on one government salary during those years. Spend time with your kid.
You likely benefited from a huge increase in home prices (I did too my DH bought his first place in Shaw in 2000). This kind of thing would be much harder to do today unless you really hit the jackpot with an individual stock.
Anonymous
03/21/2025 06:53
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Please never again say Expectant Father
Leave the guy alone.
We all know exactly what he meant.
I (a woman and a mother) took zero offense.
I respect that he is weighing this important decision, not running after maximum prestige, to shore up a fragile (and old fashioned) male ego.
He sounds like a good man.
+1. We need more fathers to realize how important their role is and say it out loud. We don’t need to police his language. No one thought he was cooking a baby.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 23:15
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
I agree with the poster who said go back to Biglaw during the baby/toddler years then pivot out to in-house. Get your spouse paid help so it doesn't all fall on her, but live in a small place and just save and invest your money.
Friend went from Biglaw to in-house and is much happier. Used to live in NYC, but moved to the burbs when went in-house and is much happier now, but gave their spouse room to figure out their path. Her spouse kind of struggled with his career and didn't want to be primary parent either, so the $ helped with that.
Friend went from Biglaw to in-house and is much happier. Used to live in NYC, but moved to the burbs when went in-house and is much happier now, but gave their spouse room to figure out their path. Her spouse kind of struggled with his career and didn't want to be primary parent either, so the $ helped with that.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 22:10
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure how this happened, but my husband and I are career feds (I’m a DOJ lawyer, hubs is a PhD scientist). We raised two kids in the close-in DC suburbs. Both are in college now. We live in a 1.7 M home and our combined net worth is $9M. It can be done if you save and invest wisely. I took 6 years off when the kids were small. Our starter home was very modest (but still close-in) and we learned to live on one government salary during those years. Spend time with your kid.
$9m net worth as a fed/scientist? What were you investing in, bitcoin?
Anonymous
03/20/2025 21:42
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
I’m not sure how this happened, but my husband and I are career feds (I’m a DOJ lawyer, hubs is a PhD scientist). We raised two kids in the close-in DC suburbs. Both are in college now. We live in a 1.7 M home and our combined net worth is $9M. It can be done if you save and invest wisely. I took 6 years off when the kids were small. Our starter home was very modest (but still close-in) and we learned to live on one government salary during those years. Spend time with your kid.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 21:18
Subject: Re:Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would take the big law gig if I were you. The first couple years will be rough and your wife might want more flexibility, which your big law salary could afford her. Plus, tbh and maybe I will get flamed for this, babies and toddlers don't care that much if you are around. Yes you will miss the experience but if I had to choose, I would rather be around more for early elementary years than baby years.
You should leave now, save up big time your big law salary for next 3-4 years, then when govt is hiring again, take your pick of govt job if it becomes stable again. Or go in house or some other job with more flexibility. Then you will have your down payment and cushion, given your wife flexibility to stay home or part time during early years, and you will get to enjoy more family time when your kids are 4 or 5.
I think this is good advice.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 21:10
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
I chose government and now regret it. Once the dust settles - and if I still have a job - then I am going to a firm. I worked very long hours for a very long time and apparently the nation couldn’t care less. Go make yourself election proof and you can always return to government in 8-10 years, should we still have one.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 21:02
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Or take the niche skill and go solo, assuming you can get steady clients and collect the $$$. Keep your hourly rate; pay quarterly taxes.
Anonymous
03/20/2025 20:33
Subject: Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
Yeah, if you can’t afford the lifestyle you want on $300k/year, then you pretty much have to go back to big law and miss the time with your family. Thats the trade off.