Anonymous wrote:Ok guys, I’m just looking for duck and dodge strategies to date one person who’s been interesting and is giving me some hope while I get through this. Already established not committing adultery.

Other pps- of course you have to be separated 1 yr before in Virginia with kids, but there is no conferred legal status on separation. Virginia just recognizes you as married and not married. Yes I am working. Yes, I would still get spousal and child support.

At least the Jason Bourne comments were funny!

I swear my neighbor has a PI who comes to visit. I have spoken with the guy. The house is actually a rental across the street from me. I looked it up and in Va. there are lots of PIs here for some reason

I took the guys license down (it’s easy to remember bc it’s a vanity plate!)

Anonymous wrote:My xH hired one after we separated.

While it was a mindf*** for me at the time (he’d call me up screaming if I went on a date), ultimately it didn’t really do anything but waste his money. Judges don’t care.

What state. Mine was in VA

Ok guys, I’m just looking for duck and dodge strategies to date one person who’s been interesting and is giving me some hope while I get through this. Already established not committing adultery.

Other pps- of course you have to be separated 1 yr before in Virginia with kids, but there is no conferred legal status on separation. Virginia just recognizes you as married and not married. Yes I am working. Yes, I would still get spousal and child support.

At least the Jason Bourne comments were funny!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

I posted up thread about my xH who hired PIs.

My attorneys gave me different advice - it’s fine to date, courts really don’t care. But I wasn’t going after spousal support, and child support is just a calculator, no optics involved.

If you’re going after spousal support because you don’t have a job, you really need to get one. The optics of not working are far worse than the optics of dating. Also different optics if you’re dating while the kids are with STBXH vs if you’re going on dates while the kids are with you - definitely don’t do the latter.

Also found that xH changed his mind after he wasted a ton of money getting his revenge on me. Give it a year and they lose a lot of steam.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Tell me you don't understand divorce in VA, without telling me you don't understand divorce in VA.

Tell me the last time a judge in Virginia GAF about a separated couple (meaning living apart, and a MSA is being negotiated) dating other people? I’ve seen judges in NOVA get pissed that someone would bring that kind of BS to court.

There's no such thing as legally separated and the Fairfax Co judges are each different and mercurial. I wouldn't draw inferences from what you've seen from one or two of them.

Yes there is. You file and start the separation period or you back date sign that the separation period is complete and you immediately get going in mediation or divorce court dates.

Has any of this actually happened Op or just talk?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Tell me you don't understand divorce in VA, without telling me you don't understand divorce in VA.

Tell me the last time a judge in Virginia GAF about a separated couple (meaning living apart, and a MSA is being negotiated) dating other people? I’ve seen judges in NOVA get pissed that someone would bring that kind of BS to court.

There's no such thing as legally separated and the Fairfax Co judges are each different and mercurial. I wouldn't draw inferences from what you've seen from one or two of them.

Not only does VA have legal separation but it is required for one year if you have kids...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Tell me you don't understand divorce in VA, without telling me you don't understand divorce in VA.

Tell me the last time a judge in Virginia GAF about a separated couple (meaning living apart, and a MSA is being negotiated) dating other people? I’ve seen judges in NOVA get pissed that someone would bring that kind of BS to court.

There's no such thing as legally separated and the Fairfax Co judges are each different and mercurial. I wouldn't draw inferences from what you've seen from one or two of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Tell me you don't understand divorce in VA, without telling me you don't understand divorce in VA.

Tell me the last time a judge in Virginia GAF about a separated couple (meaning living apart, and a MSA is being negotiated) dating other people? I’ve seen judges in NOVA get pissed that someone would bring that kind of BS to court.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

So, I am not a lawyer, but I think if two of yours gave you the advice that you dating puts support at risk-you should not date at this time if you want support. Ask your lawyer if there will be a time in this process when it's not an issue. But, I'd concentrate on getting this done, and date later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Tell me you don't understand divorce in VA, without telling me you don't understand divorce in VA.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

You are legally separated, have temp custody, have temp child support, and your goal is to date?

And the divorce request has been filed by you (or him) so you have 6 or 12 months to mediate or go to court.?.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

Ah a woman that had been cheating in the marriage for a long time…trashy

OP here. Thanks for the amusing replies.

I'm in a separation where not-so STBX wants to do everything possible to 1) not divorce and 2) to take away support if that were to happen (15 year marriage, spousal and child support eligible).

I'm looking to date, not adultery, since it will most likely take years to finalize divorce. He has resources and the inclination to "fight to the end."

Two different lawyers have advised that even dating puts support at risk, because the optics would be the reason the marriage broke up was bc of the dating. I'm just so ready to move on with my life and I know how long this will take. Thanks for the advice and at least a laugh!

This really is situational…. Like is STBX going to throw $40,000 at this or $4,000? And what is it that they think they will catch you doing?

I would have different answers for different situations. It’s not legal for them to track your car if your STBX is not on the title.

If your phone is being tracked, you’re doing something really wrong. This isn’t the FBI, CIA or Jason Bourne, this is just some licensed PI who can’t do anything illegal and keep their job and doesn’t have the resources to be like repurposing a satellite to follow you.

What you actually need to do is not be going to AP’s house if STBX knows that address because it’s more likely that a PI is parked out front with a camera focused on APs house than that they’re swerving through traffic tailing you.

I had at least two out loud chuckles

And yes I have read a few jason bourne books. I always think about changing in restrooms when I am in the middle of one of these novels.