Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 15:18     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?


No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.


Wow-- spot on! Excellent analysis. The mean girls are next level, sophisticated manipulators. They may fool some parents + teachers, but they are the meanest/cruelist girls you can find.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 14:44     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:I know they are almost everywhere, but where is this pervasive?


Boys and girls can be equally mean for the record.

We have friends at a variety of private schools in the DC, MD, VA area. The most common theme I hear from friends at all of these schools including ours is that the schools that have a very high percentage of parents that belong to either Chevy or Congo tend to also have a very distinct culture of mean kid/mean parent behavior. Yes, mean parents tend to have mean kids and for whatever reason those families and parents tend to cluster together in a very unhealthy way.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 14:09     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
+1 for being cohort specific at every school.
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 10:42     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
It’s grade by grade at every school…
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 10:06     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?


No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.


What are the “certain profiles”?


Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.


I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.


You can be artsy or nerdy, but not in a way that stands out as too different. You need to be clean cut, dress similarly, you can't be too shy or do anything that could get you labeled as "weird." You can't have obsessive interests, be obviously neurodivergent. Or you can, but you will be ostracized.

To answer another poster, sporty is not a deal breaker but it helps so, so much. You don't have to be a star athlete. But playing at least one sport helps a lot socially, even if your focus is elsewhere.

If you spend any time at the school, you will get a feel for the kind of girl who fits. It is not for everyone. Whereas a school like Madeira or Sandy Springs or GDS is much more broadly accepting of kids who are different or off-beat. My kid was NOT a Holton girl. She's amazing but quirky, hates sports, has several obsessive interests, and she takes a while to warm up to people and then once you know her she has super goofy personality. Holton is a terrible environment for a kid like that.


My daughter is very much an artsy/alternative/nerdy girl, but also very popular (very extroverted and easy going) in her upper NW DCPS elementary. Aside from Sandy Springs and GDS, what other schools offering middle school would be a good fit for a quirky girl?
Anonymous
Post 03/28/2025 07:27     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to see so much Holton on here. I haven't heard that. Is it based on recent info? Or a few years ago (when I did hear it more)?


No, recent.

The thing about Holton is that if the girl fits certain profiles, she can go straight through with no issues at all. And if she doesn't, it's a nightmare. And the behavior is true, classic relational aggression, not straight up bullying. So for the outsider girls, there's no concrete behavior to point to and say "this is hurtful." Instead, it's just being iced out, pitied, quietly sidelined in activities and classes. There is nothing to fight. You are simply invisible.

It is not an inclusive place. At all.


What are the “certain profiles”?


Sporty, outgoing, no academic struggles (does not need to be an academic superstar, but no obvious academic weaknesses, or if she has them, parents are 100% on top of them with tutors and support), on the preppy side (not overly artsy or alternative), parents should be sociable but not overbearing, no known family drama.


I wonder why the artsy/alternative/nerdy girls don’t band together and be their own group and just ignore the drama from the preppy ones.


They just wait until adulthood and have happy successful lives.
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2025 20:09     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Landon
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2025 19:55     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:At NCS, the meanest “girls” are indeed employed by the school. A long standing sorority.

+10000
Anonymous
Post 03/27/2025 17:00     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
At NCS, the meanest “girls” are indeed employed by the school. A long standing sorority.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2025 15:04     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m missing something, but doesn’t every school everywhere have mean girls?


I heard there are none at Landon.


I appreciate you. LOL
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2025 17:00     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
I sometimes wonder if some of the posters can recall their own middle school and high school experiences. Is it possible there’s an epidemic of amnesia in the Area?

Anonymous
Post 03/15/2025 21:45     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:NCS


The meanest are employed by the school.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2025 16:26     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
only if you believe your DD should be liked by everybody. otherwise, she will find her group(s).
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2025 16:12     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:All of them.


This. Plus all the co-ed schools also have mean girls.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2025 11:03     Subject: Which all-girls school has the mean girls
Anonymous wrote:This is very personality driven and thus waxes and wanes by class. Hard to predict which school will be worse in any given year.

TBH my younger DD’s class at a coed DC private is a bit like this (thanks to PP who mentioned classic relational aggression) and older DD’s class was not like that at all.