The comment about how nice it would be to be a young grandma…wow. I can see why some of your kids think this is no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I achieved my personal and career aspirations as best I could. Now in a career plateau. I could 100% be a working primary carer again because I have experience now.

I traveled the world as a DINK. I don't look forward to retirement so I can do anything specific. My family is small.

My assumption from this story is that the teen couple will probably not make it long term as a couple. I'd want to stay close to any grandkid, assuming that there probably won't be many in my future. Also because the teen mom is likely to be unstable.

all the mommy martyrs are ready for the second round it seems.

I’m sorry you are such a miserable, unhappy person. Sometimes I read posts from people like you and just feel so sorry for you all. It’s so depressing to think of someone like you who has never experienced happiness and contentment and never will. So sad.

NP-I am in the middle on this. It is pretty atypical for women who were very hands on, involved moms to welcome the idea of doing it all over again full time. I think that considering the kids' attitude and expectations, this all sounds like a slippery slope to in fact become a complete co-parent financially, logistically and emotionally, which I personally would find depressing and overwhelming. It doesn't mean I am a bad person or mom for thinking that. I look forward to becoming a grandma some day and being involved, but absolutely would not do it on a co-parent level.

When you are “helping” your teen parent you are absolutely going to be on a co-parent level in at least one category if not more. You are either agreeing to house them (or pay for their housing), taking care of the child full time while they go to school/work (or paying for their childcare costs), paying for or providing their food etc…This would in no way be a typical grandparent situation-it would be signing up for at least 18 more years of full responsibility over another human being.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The important thing is that you are ruining your relationship with your spouse over a hypothetical situation.

+1 What changed in your relationship? Can you focus on another matter ? This sounds like a “soap opera”

Op here. hah-we had a fight/disagreement whatever you want to call it about how we do not agree on how we would handle this particular issue. We are in no way ruining our relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

The opposite of cutting off (monetarily, emotionally) is NOT assuming the role as the main parent. Good lord.

Have you met a teen parent before? Because it actually does mean assuming the main role. Maybe not 100% with changing diapers but certainly 100% with buying them.

Yes, I’m the person who posted up thread that my grandparents completely cut off my parents. It was financially, emotionally and educationally detrimental to both of my parents. My grandmother apologized to me and my parents – separately because obviously they did not make it as couple - for her lack of financial support which led my Father, who had been accepted to prestigious colleges, to work for minimum wage for years instead of finishing school. Later, he did finish but basically tossing them out on the street because “I told you so“ can’t so much damage. My mother‘s parents were not financially secure and unable to help but take me and my mother in when my parents separated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I achieved my personal and career aspirations as best I could. Now in a career plateau. I could 100% be a working primary carer again because I have experience now.

I traveled the world as a DINK. I don't look forward to retirement so I can do anything specific. My family is small.

My assumption from this story is that the teen couple will probably not make it long term as a couple. I'd want to stay close to any grandkid, assuming that there probably won't be many in my future. Also because the teen mom is likely to be unstable.

all the mommy martyrs are ready for the second round it seems.

I’m sorry you are such a miserable, unhappy person. Sometimes I read posts from people like you and just feel so sorry for you all. It’s so depressing to think of someone like you who has never experienced happiness and contentment and never will. So sad.

NP-I am in the middle on this. It is pretty atypical for women who were very hands on, involved moms to welcome the idea of doing it all over again full time. I think that considering the kids' attitude and expectations, this all sounds like a slippery slope to in fact become a complete co-parent financially, logistically and emotionally, which I personally would find depressing and overwhelming. It doesn't mean I am a bad person or mom for thinking that. I look forward to becoming a grandma some day and being involved, but absolutely would not do it on a co-parent level.

Anonymous wrote:The important thing is that you are ruining your relationship with your spouse over a hypothetical situation.

+1 What changed in your relationship? Can you focus on another matter ? This sounds like a “soap opera”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I achieved my personal and career aspirations as best I could. Now in a career plateau. I could 100% be a working primary carer again because I have experience now.

I traveled the world as a DINK. I don't look forward to retirement so I can do anything specific. My family is small.

My assumption from this story is that the teen couple will probably not make it long term as a couple. I'd want to stay close to any grandkid, assuming that there probably won't be many in my future. Also because the teen mom is likely to be unstable.

all the mommy martyrs are ready for the second round it seems.

I’m sorry you are such a miserable, unhappy person. Sometimes I read posts from people like you and just feel so sorry for you all. It’s so depressing to think of someone like you who has never experienced happiness and contentment and never will. So sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Never in a million years will a grandchild of mine live in a homeless shelter or in their car or whatever if I have the means to prevent that. My God.

And your kids will live with you for the rest of your lives, completely dependent because they know you will keep helping no matter what. And the cycle will continue with the grandchildren too. All bad decisions just mean for help and less personal responsibility.

Oh. You are crazy. You should cut back on the hallucinogenics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I achieved my personal and career aspirations as best I could. Now in a career plateau. I could 100% be a working primary carer again because I have experience now.

I traveled the world as a DINK. I don't look forward to retirement so I can do anything specific. My family is small.

My assumption from this story is that the teen couple will probably not make it long term as a couple. I'd want to stay close to any grandkid, assuming that there probably won't be many in my future. Also because the teen mom is likely to be unstable.

all the mommy martyrs are ready for the second round it seems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I don’t think anyone would be excited about it, no. But would you cut off your child and your grandchild just because you were ready to start traveling the world and retire? Like, sorry guys, enjoy living out of your car, I was willing to pay for your apartment when you were single but not when you’re living there with your child and girlfriend? Weird.

so let me ask you this. Would you be ok with completely supporting both your kid and the live in partner if there wasn’t a kid involved? I’m going to imagine the answer is no. Do you think the kid in this situation probably knew that and also knew that a child might change the equation? Because I would bet yes. If I had to put a theory out it’s that the boy knew his parents wouldn’t approve of basically supporting both of them. So this was what they did to make the parents more sympathetic.

Again, what’s done is done. The grandchild is innocent. This is your legacy. If you want the next few generations of your family to live in poverty , then, I guess we have different ideals for our family’s futures.

statistics consistently show that teen parent’s kids also become teen parents. So the legacy would already be screwed. Get ready to be a primary caregiver until you die.

People are not statistics. My mom got pregnant at 19, shotgun wedding to my dad who was 22. They raised three kids and all of us finished college and got married before having children.

The cause for this is more than likely the fact that your parents actually got married and stayed together. Most teen parent relationships fail.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I achieved my personal and career aspirations as best I could. Now in a career plateau. I could 100% be a working primary carer again because I have experience now.

I traveled the world as a DINK. I don't look forward to retirement so I can do anything specific. My family is small.

My assumption from this story is that the teen couple will probably not make it long term as a couple. I'd want to stay close to any grandkid, assuming that there probably won't be many in my future. Also because the teen mom is likely to be unstable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I don’t think anyone would be excited about it, no. But would you cut off your child and your grandchild just because you were ready to start traveling the world and retire? Like, sorry guys, enjoy living out of your car, I was willing to pay for your apartment when you were single but not when you’re living there with your child and girlfriend? Weird.

so let me ask you this. Would you be ok with completely supporting both your kid and the live in partner if there wasn’t a kid involved? I’m going to imagine the answer is no. Do you think the kid in this situation probably knew that and also knew that a child might change the equation? Because I would bet yes. If I had to put a theory out it’s that the boy knew his parents wouldn’t approve of basically supporting both of them. So this was what they did to make the parents more sympathetic.

Again, what’s done is done. The grandchild is innocent. This is your legacy. If you want the next few generations of your family to live in poverty , then, I guess we have different ideals for our family’s futures.

statistics consistently show that teen parent’s kids also become teen parents. So the legacy would already be screwed. Get ready to be a primary caregiver until you die.

People are not statistics. My mom got pregnant at 19, shotgun wedding to my dad who was 22. They raised three kids and all of us finished college and got married before having children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

The opposite of cutting off (monetarily, emotionally) is NOT assuming the role as the main parent. Good lord.

Have you met a teen parent before? Because it actually does mean assuming the main role. Maybe not 100% with changing diapers but certainly 100% with buying them.

Diapers aren't even that expensive, calm down. And buying diapers doesn't make you a parent.

Taking care of an infant forces people to grow up. It can operate like boot camp on an 18 year old. If they give up and bail, they learn nothing. But if they persevere through the tough stuff and figure it out, they will understand a hell of a lot more about themselves, work, and the meaning of true service to a cause than your average 19 or 20 year old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I am so surprised a bunch of moms who are barely done raising kids are so willing to start over again from scratch. Are we just servants for life with no life of our own or personal aspirations? I guess so.

I don’t think anyone would be excited about it, no. But would you cut off your child and your grandchild just because you were ready to start traveling the world and retire? Like, sorry guys, enjoy living out of your car, I was willing to pay for your apartment when you were single but not when you’re living there with your child and girlfriend? Weird.

so let me ask you this. Would you be ok with completely supporting both your kid and the live in partner if there wasn’t a kid involved? I’m going to imagine the answer is no. Do you think the kid in this situation probably knew that and also knew that a child might change the equation? Because I would bet yes. If I had to put a theory out it’s that the boy knew his parents wouldn’t approve of basically supporting both of them. So this was what they did to make the parents more sympathetic.

Again, what’s done is done. The grandchild is innocent. This is your legacy. If you want the next few generations of your family to live in poverty , then, I guess we have different ideals for our family’s futures.

statistics consistently show that teen parent’s kids also become teen parents. So the legacy would already be screwed. Get ready to be a primary caregiver until you die.

Anonymous wrote:Helping in this situation wouldn’t be helping or just being a grandparent. It would be starting over as a primary parent all over again.

I disagree. It would be way more hands on than becoming a grandparent when your adult child is older, but unless the baby's parents run off, you aren't the primary parent.

A lot of this would be about setting appropriate boundaries with your son and his partner about what is their responsibility and where you are willing to help. And sitting down to create goals for them so it's not like they are relying on you forever. You would need good communication and to be emotionally mature. But if you can do it, you will help your child grow into a great parent, by modeling the very skills they will need.

The upside would be getting to be a younger grandparent. I think now that a lot of people have kids later, there are many people who wish they could have more time and energy for grandchildren. So it's not all bad. I can imagine upsides to being a grandmother at 50 as opposed to 65.