Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

This is the truth. MRAs have perpetrated some mass brainwashing on this topic, and the system itself is full of abusers.

80% of cases settle without going to court. Abusive men weaponize the process and they get significant and sole custody more often than not. I have seen clear cases of severe abuse with incontrovertible evidence and the protective mother still loses custody.

OP, your friend or relative may feel deep shame and pain. Looking at this thread gives you a hint as to why. Statistically, it’s very likely she did nothing wrong. Be a listening ear and support her. They often make supervised visitations a humiliating and demoralizing experience, so if you can help in anyway there, do it. She likely still has rights to educational information, health information, conferences. She should exercise all of those rights, and be a Disney Princess while she’s doing it, even if people are downright nasty to her. Just ask pleasant open ended questions about her child, listen, and thank. Never speak negatively to these people about the other parent. This will be important for her children no matter what, and it may help in a future case. Judges and social workers are often swayed by teachers. If two years down the road, Dad is saying Mom is crazy, and teachers say well she’s always reasonable and seems like a good mom to me that is often more valuable than anything else you present. It’s like the one place teachers get respect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

But, in that case, wouldn't the mom just say "He outspent me"?

Refusing to provide an answer is a HUGE warning sign. I'd worry about it beingsomething she was doing that endangered the kids, like dating a pedo or leaving very young kids unsupervised while she went away for the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

This is the truth. MRAs have perpetrated some mass brainwashing on this topic, and the system itself is full of abusers.

80% of cases settle without going to court. Abusive men weaponize the process and they get significant and sole custody more often than not. I have seen clear cases of severe abuse with incontrovertible evidence and the protective mother still loses custody.

OP, your friend or relative may feel deep shame and pain. Looking at this thread gives you a hint as to why. Statistically, it’s very likely she did nothing wrong. Be a listening ear and support her. They often make supervised visitations a humiliating and demoralizing experience, so if you can help in anyway there, do it. She likely still has rights to educational information, health information, conferences. She should exercise all of those rights, and be a Disney Princess while she’s doing it, even if people are downright nasty to her. Just ask pleasant open ended questions about her child, listen, and thank. Never speak negatively to these people about the other parent. This will be important for her children no matter what, and it may help in a future case. Judges and social workers are often swayed by teachers. If two years down the road, Dad is saying Mom is crazy, and teachers say well she’s always reasonable and seems like a good mom to me that is often more valuable than anything else you present. It’s like the one place teachers get respect.

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Using/dealing drugs in front of minors
2. Letting a registered s** offender live with her

Stuff like that.

Nope, way more than that. You are grossly misinformed. A likely reason is that the mom (credibly) accused the ex of abuse, and maybe the kids agreed, and a crafty lawyer claimed she was ‘alienating’ the kids. I’ve seen that occur and it is horrid.

It happens all the time, hence the WashPo article someone linked. Its very well documented

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would cause a court to fully strip a single mother of custody and grant it to her ex husband?

The woman in question is refusing to share the circumstances but she does have two DUIs from years ago.

She was otherwise a mild mannered, calm, gainfully employed at the same place (HS teacher) for 15 years.

She is apparently only permitted to have a 2 hour supervised visit once a month now.

I would assume the ex was particularly vindictive and had more $$ to spend on lawyers. Cases like that can go horribly sideways. Poor woman and kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

But, in that case, wouldn't the mom just say "He outspent me"?

Refusing to provide an answer is a HUGE warning sign. I'd worry about it beingsomething she was doing that endangered the kids, like dating a pedo or leaving very young kids unsupervised while she went away for the weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she only has a two hour visit once a month means either

a) she doesn't want to see her kids more frequently
b) whatever she did was very, very bad and impacted the kids directly (abused them in some way)

Even in cases where mom is an alcoholic, drug abuser, something really horrible, no court would only allow a once a month visit. They would permit once or twice a week, supervised.

You forgot alienation

Anonymous wrote:
OP, unless you are her relative or very close, confiding friend -- you're looking for fuel for your speculation. That's all you have, speculation. Can you see how gossipy this all is? Gee, she lost all custody, she must have A Big! Awful! Secret! No, you have no idea, and speculating is unkind.

Also: Someone earlier in this thread insisted that her reluctance to explain why she lost custody is a red flag. No, it's not.

One, she does not owe anyone details of her private concerns. Certainly not you, OP, unless you have a very direct and personal stake in her and her child's lives. Do you? No? Zero information owed you.

Two, she may have done nothing wrong at all but may be embarrassed and upset that she's lost custody. Can you see how that profound an upset make someone want NOT to talk about it?