Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:30     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.



Yes, that might very well be the case, but it's very different for the kid to arrive at that conclusion on his own accord versus a parent saying "no, we're not going to do XYZ bc you are better at ABC".


How do you get a sort of delusional boy to realize this without being cruel?


Isn't that part of life? That's part of the process especially when boys have big egos. Mine does.


To clarify, what I'm saying is brutal honesty comes in the form of him realizing that other kids are better than him. Or maybe this story goes a different way, he finds that he can compete and can get better. Anyway, all I know from recent experience is that sometimes the let down is better when it doesn't come from Mom/Dad.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:29     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?


Do you understand higher level teen basketball? It's too late. He's not good enough to play past this little local league.


Why does the level matter? Are you looking for a scholarship? Just let him play with his friends.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:28     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.



Yes, that might very well be the case, but it's very different for the kid to arrive at that conclusion on his own accord versus a parent saying "no, we're not going to do XYZ bc you are better at ABC".


How do you get a sort of delusional boy to realize this without being cruel?


Isn't that part of life? That's part of the process especially when boys have big egos. Mine does.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:14     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.



Yes, that might very well be the case, but it's very different for the kid to arrive at that conclusion on his own accord versus a parent saying "no, we're not going to do XYZ bc you are better at ABC".


How do you get a sort of delusional boy to realize this without being cruel?
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:13     Subject: Re:Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Nothing about this story makes sense.

Other kids who suck at basketball in his local rec league (you said he's running circles around them with no basketball experience, right?) are also bullying him to say swimming is lame and basketball is cool? So kids are harassing him to play basketball with them, a sport they aren't good at and play at a low level?

I have a swimmer. You can fit in a low key basketball rec league without super uptight attendance expectations no problem. One practice a week and one game a weekend. My son did it for years. Our county provides the league through 12th grade. Which is common.

And agree you calling it travel swim is weird. No one ever calls it that.

#bullshit
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:13     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Have you been this blunt with him? As long as he understands the possibility that he may spend a lot of time on the bench and possibly even be cut from a basketball team, while he’s a star on his swim team, he needs to make the decision. At this age, enjoyment might mean more to him than accolades. Also, have you discussed his friends’ influence?


No. I don't know how. It's a very delicate situation. Hence this thread.


Maybe a gentle way to do it is to point out that basketball rosters are very small. At a basketball powerhouse high school, a lot of very good kids get cut.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:12     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.


Oh no, not a middle school boy doing something because it's fun.


Video games are fun too. So is fast food. And vaping and zyn pouches. And porn. And taking dummy classes instead of advanced and honors courses.

Regards,
12 year old boys allowed to do whatever they want
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:11     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
If he’s on a travel swim team I’m guessing he’s burnt out. Why don’t you drop back to a local but competitive team so that he can ALSO play basketball. It doesn’t have to be either or.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:09     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
OP's son being bullied by "friends" at school into disliking a sport he's talented at sounds like low class public school toxicity. Reminds me of my "friends" at public school in the early 90s who bullied me for running for student council (I won VP). We send our children to private.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:08     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
If he hates it, he's not going to stay amazing at it.

Let him do what he ENJOYS. Not just what he's good at. There is lots of value in enjoying something.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:08     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


So what? What matters most, his happiness or being 'the best" or "on travel team"? Focus on the child.


No, he's being unduly influenced by idiot boy middle schoolers who think swimming is not cool and basketball is. Swimming is not a sport you can generally stop and pick up later--it's a sport you need to be conditioned for, so stopping can make it very hard to pick it up again.

OP--is there an older boy H.S. boy on his club team or summer team who could maybe talk to him/encourage him? Have you had him talk to his coaches about this? Or could switching to a new club team maybe reinvigorate him.

Middle schoolers don't understand swimming. By high school, all those boys telling him how uncool swimming is will admire your son for his dedication (up at 4am for practice), remarkable physical condition, and regular interaction with the girls on his team. Don't listen to all these people telling you to just let him throw in the towel. Obviously, you can't force a kid to continue in a sport. But you should really make sure he's making the decision to leave the sport for the right reasons.


+1. I'm convinced this forum is full of childless misanthropes.


I am not childless or a misanthrope. I'm the mother of two swimmers -- both swimming D1 in college. The people on this thread saying "let him play basketball" and "sports are supposed to be fun," clearly know nothing about swimming, the challenges that come with it, and how rewarding it is for kids who stick with it.

OP -- does your kid swim in the summer and on his high school team? Does he have friends on his club team?
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:05     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.


Oh no, not a middle school boy doing something because it's fun.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:05     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Why do you keep insisting he can't play basketball? I have a friend whose son did exactly this but he quit soccer. In 7th grade. There are teams that will take him for sure.

Also swimmers don't call swim teams "travel". It's club swim. I'm wondering if you are a troll.


Go on YouTube and search something like 11 or 12 year old travel basketball. Boys that age are not just horsing around, they're amazing. DS only looks good because he's playing against untalented kids in a loosely organized local league. He would not make an truly organized team. It's just fun to him but not fun enough for him to be motivated to relentlessly practice all the time to get better. This interest in basketball is being fueled by delusions and peer pressure and bullying.



Yes, that might very well be the case, but it's very different for the kid to arrive at that conclusion on his own accord versus a parent saying "no, we're not going to do XYZ bc you are better at ABC".
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:05     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.


Have you been this blunt with him? As long as he understands the possibility that he may spend a lot of time on the bench and possibly even be cut from a basketball team, while he’s a star on his swim team, he needs to make the decision. At this age, enjoyment might mean more to him than accolades. Also, have you discussed his friends’ influence?


No. I don't know how. It's a very delicate situation. Hence this thread.
Anonymous
Post 02/04/2025 15:03     Subject: Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.


Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.

Have you been this blunt with him? As long as he understands the possibility that he may spend a lot of time on the bench and possibly even be cut from a basketball team, while he’s a star on his swim team, he needs to make the decision. At this age, enjoyment might mean more to him than accolades. Also, have you discussed his friends’ influence?