Anonymous wrote:Don’t have to ask father of bride but don’t come looking for me to pay if you don’t ask

I foresee wonderful relationships for you with your ACs and their spouses. Everyone loves a controlling FIL. I cannot stand DD’s partner but if they get married, we will give to them what we would otherwise give.

Does the woman also go to her boyfriends parents and ask for their blessing to marry their son?

If this is about getting the blessing of parents on the marriage, you wouldnt want that from both sets of parents. And why wouldn’t the woman want to tell her own family she is getting married. She is supposed to stay home while he goes to tell her family?

I would be very disappointed if my sons or daughters engaged in this sexist nonsense. Same with these performative proposals and engagement rings.

My now son in law asked us for our support. I thought it was a nice way to include us but avoided all the “permission “ crap. My brother on the other hand made it clear that his son in laws had to come talk to him first. I found that to be gross. My daughter would have been very angry if her dad pulled that.

I have one sister - we are both pretty progressive, she probably more so than me in many ways.

I specifically told my husband I did not want him to ask my father for permission. My sister definitely wants her boyfriend to do so when the time comes.

I guess it depends.

I'd be disappointed in anyone who asked me for permission to marry my child. But I'd forgive them if they were otherwise decent!

Anonymous wrote:Don’t have to ask father of bride but don’t come looking for me to pay if you don’t ask

Ha this gave me a chuckle. I'm a PP whose now-DH called my parents beforehand to ask for their blessing. They did pay for my wedding

Anonymous wrote:Not anymore! It’s 2025, not 1955. Women are people, not cows being sold.

It’s still respectful to consider the parents - irrelevant of what year it is.

Don’t have to ask father of bride but don’t come looking for me to pay if you don’t ask

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's more like giving advanced notice out of respect and to make sure there won't be negativity.

This. It’s “blessing” not “permission”, unless op you’re actually asking about permission rather than a blessing. It’s just a nice thing to do, set positive vibes going forward.

Exactly. My DH spoke with my parents before proposing. I assume this made them feel involved and had positive feelings towards their son in law. Seems like a win. FWIW, my parents have excellent relationships with their in-laws now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's boyfriend called and asked to have dinner with my DH and I this past week when he is in our area in the coming months. He also asked that we not tell our DD about the dinner, so yes, they still ask. He is a very respectful and family oriented in his approach to life so we are not surprised by this, not in the least.

I would be horrified if one of my daughters' potential fiance asked me ahead of her. It's not my decision AT ALL.

Honestly I'm kind of horrified by the idea of a proposal in any formal sense. Why is one person waiting for the other person to ask? Shouldn't there be a few discussions that establish whether you're getting married, rather than a Very Special Moment?

I am from the age of proposals, and I look back and cringe

Don’t most couples kind of do both? That’s what we did and what I see around me. Couples are talking and figuring out whether they agree about finances, spirituality, where/how to live, but many still like to have that moment. H and I knew each other essentially from birth and talked about everything under the sun. We went to the jeweler together and I pretty much designed my ring. But he still took me to “the” proposal spot in town and asked me to marry him. Whether it’s on a hiking trail or wherever has special meaning, I think it’s a ritual that many still cherish. For most of us it’s not a surprise, and the asker knows what the askee will say. It’s just the beginning of the formal engagement.

Who is "they," OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's boyfriend called and asked to have dinner with my DH and I this past week when he is in our area in the coming months. He also asked that we not tell our DD about the dinner, so yes, they still ask. He is a very respectful and family oriented in his approach to life so we are not surprised by this, not in the least.

I would be horrified if one of my daughters' potential fiance asked me ahead of her. It's not my decision AT ALL.

Honestly I'm kind of horrified by the idea of a proposal in any formal sense. Why is one person waiting for the other person to ask? Shouldn't there be a few discussions that establish whether you're getting married, rather than a Very Special Moment?

I am from the age of proposals, and I look back and cringe

Anonymous wrote:It really varies. One thing that I have seen recently with friends is the young couple together telling the parents (both sets) that they are engaged and they hope they have their blessing, or they wanted them to be the first to know. Something that sort of honors their parents but isn’t asking permission. I also see a lot of young men that tell the bride’s parents they’re going to propose and they hope they have their blessing. I haven’t heard of anyone *asking* permission in a long time.

When my father asked for my grandfather’s permission to propose, my grandfather sardonically said, “Do you know what you’re getting into?”

+1
That's what happened with my son-in-law.

We didn’t 30 years ago. Why would it happen now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! If a man asked my dad for permission to marry me, my dad would say, “You don’t know my daughter at all, do you?” OP, this is DCUM, not the Catholic dating forum. Women here have their own careers and have ambitions other than having a million babies and making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Wow you sound angry. DH and I were both law partners in our mid-30s and atheist DH still gave my Dad the courtesy of having a talk before he proposed. Lighten up!

The courtesy of treating a woman like a goat or cow? Yikes

This X1000. DH and I have been married for 22 years. It was unheard of to do this decades ago. I’m shocked that anyone would even consider having to ask permission from a women's father in 2024.

A woman IS NOT the property of a man.