34-year-old pp here. Thanks for the reality check. My doctor suggested we wait until a year of ttc before we do any tests or look into IVF - is this wise at our age?

Anonymous wrote:Age 22 and 25 like my mom did. She and my dad were empty nesters by their mid-40s.

Yep. This is us.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 34 and just started trying 5 months ago. Reading these replies, I do kind of wish we'd started trying a few years earlier. We've been married for six years but wanted to wait until we could afford a house, etc. Please tell me we didn't wait too long!

I can't. I started at 34, had a devastating miscarriage and finally gave birth to one child at 37. I was unable to have more kids after that. I wish we would have started sooner! Maybe you'll have better results though.

It's not so much an age (as if it's some sort of magical number), but more of what stage you're in of this crazy game called life.

Ideal is 26-30. Too bad I couldn't find a decent person to marry until 29. It wasn't for lack of trying that's for sure!

I was 26 for my one and only. Financially it was a tough time, but 15+ years out we are secure and thriving. I am very happy with the life-phase thing.

27-34

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met DH when I was 24, got engaged at 27, married at 29 and had 3 kids in my thirties. Now that I’m older, I wish I had kids earlier. I had my third child at almost 40. I will be in my seventies when I am a grandmother.

I have some acquaintances who are in their mid to late fifties and their kids are getting married young. They will be grandmothers by age 60.

Imho 28-35 is ideal and 1 kid is enough, 2 is a luxury if all else is super aligned. Why make life difficult for yourselves and the kids?

I mean it’s arguably ppl like you who should have 0 kids. I’ve never thought having siblings was difficult, wtf. It was a blast, and still is. Holidays are parties full of cousins and traditions. Life is difficult with or without kids. Kids bring joy and meaning, and if you don’t feel that way boy do I feel terrible for your offspring.

Having kids before 21 or after 40 is equally irresponsible.

Anonymous wrote:I met DH when I was 24, got engaged at 27, married at 29 and had 3 kids in my thirties. Now that I’m older, I wish I had kids earlier. I had my third child at almost 40. I will be in my seventies when I am a grandmother.

I have some acquaintances who are in their mid to late fifties and their kids are getting married young. They will be grandmothers by age 60.

Imho 28-35 is ideal and 1 kid is enough, 2 is a luxury if all else is super aligned. Why make life difficult for yourselves and the kids?

There are gifts to becoming a parent on the younger side and gifts to being a bit older. I don't know that there is a universal "best" time to become a parent.

And also, what are we using to when we say "best"? Being the best parent? (If so, by what measure, because there are a lot.)

Being the best in terms of a body recovering physically?

Being the best in terms of handling the adjustment to parenthood emotionally?

I think the best time is individual. Probably the best combination of factors would be stability in a relationship, stability in finances, a certain level of emotional maturity, a certain level of energy/physical ability.

45

Anonymous wrote:I'm 34 and just started trying 5 months ago. Reading these replies, I do kind of wish we'd started trying a few years earlier. We've been married for six years but wanted to wait until we could afford a house, etc. Please tell me we didn't wait too long!

You didn’t. You’re the perfect age for your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 34 and just started trying 5 months ago. Reading these replies, I do kind of wish we'd started trying a few years earlier. We've been married for six years but wanted to wait until we could afford a house, etc. Please tell me we didn't wait too long!

No one knows, that’s the whole point

Not trying to scare you but start the ivf process now. I started around the same time but didn’t have my first until 36 via ivf. If you don’t end up needing it, great, but the process can take a long time

Anonymous wrote:I'm 34 and just started trying 5 months ago. Reading these replies, I do kind of wish we'd started trying a few years earlier. We've been married for six years but wanted to wait until we could afford a house, etc. Please tell me we didn't wait too long!

No one knows, that’s the whole point