Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Won't be a surprise when your kid(s) treat you exactly the way you did your parents. Good luck!

Lady, I'm already old as dirt, and I couldn't ask to be treated more kindly.

Some of us elders overuse ellipses instead of making our points clearly. It's a typographical diarrhea. I think they make a cream for that.

Anonymous wrote:My case is a bit unusual, but since 2018, I have rendered more financial assistance to my dad than he provided me from birth to age 18. Not only do I feel like I have discharged any obligation, but DH and I need to start saving for our own eldercare so we don’t burden our kids financially.

My dad is now in a Medicaid bed, but he always needs something that isn’t covered by the little bit of money he gets to keep each month. And those are just real needs and not reasonable wants (like a haircut or shaving supplies).

All but two of my siblings do chip in now and again, but it is no longer sustainable. Every $1 I spend on my dad is essentially a $1 that I am taking away from my children when I’m in need of care myself someday.

If you think you are spending a lot now, wait until the incoming administration cuts federal Medicaid funding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Won't be a surprise when your kid(s) treat you exactly the way you did your parents. Good luck!

Actually no. The fastest way to ensure your adult kids will stay far away is to have them take a constant backseat to demanding grandma and watch their parents being miserable. I would never in a million years want my adult kids to sacrifice their careers, families and happiness to bail me out of my own failings. I really do not understand these selfish crap boomers who are so entitled!

Oh honey, don't worry you sound like you will do a very good job of driving your kids far away from you all on your own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

Noting you explain your parents were neglectful and manipulative.

We are pretty much stuck due to this. It’s hard to even think about traveling anywhere far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Won't be a surprise when your kid(s) treat you exactly the way you did your parents. Good luck!

Actually no. The fastest way to ensure your adult kids will stay far away is to have them take a constant backseat to demanding grandma and watch their parents being miserable. I would never in a million years want my adult kids to sacrifice their careers, families and happiness to bail me out of my own failings. I really do not understand these selfish crap boomers who are so entitled!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Won't be a surprise when your kid(s) treat you exactly the way you did your parents. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

No. In my family the opposite happened. My parents saw how many years of being there for grandparents and their emergencies and challenging behavior led to marital problems and illness and they went the opposite extreme-traveling like crazy and never available as their siblings destroyed their health. My parents also left us with even abusive sitters every chance they had and there is so much more, but then were quite entitled with aging. My dad at least had the common sense to be gracious which made it much easier.

There are so many variables including parental expectations/personality/empathy/planning. My aunts and uncles who actually dealt with the many years of emergencies and so much more, even with their own illnesses, took the time to make sure they never put their own children through what they went through-they could not bare the thought of eating up their own kids if their decline was long and awful. So they moved to CCRCs, etc and low and behold their kids visited often because it was a pleasure. They were appreciated. They could enjoy their relatives and know there were supports in place. When parents refuse to move, even a minor emergency can turn into a trip the ER and a late night call and travel only to find out it was minor and if your parent were at AL, they nurse would have checked it out and determined if more intervention was needed.

This isn't about a year or 2 of some inconveniences. I have been at this over 10 years between parents and inlaws and for some reason the kind ones make it easier and also don't live as long. It's the challenging, tantrumming, constant emergency (some real, some just drama and over-reaction), hostile ones, the ones who refuse to move and feel very entitled-those are the ones who live an extra long life that they don't seem to appreciate. My mother called me as I was recovering from surgery to make demands and then yelled at me and called me "selfish" when I said "no." I have spent a small fortune in therapy to finally be able to set boundaries with her despite the barrage of insults, threats and smear campaigns. She used to just save it for me, but once I stuck with my boundaries, she finally shows some of that to siblings/doctors/aides/drivers and low and behold quite a few non-family members have fired her. She has also re-written history to be the saint who isn't appreciated enough by her children.

pp again. As with most DCUM threads, people are arguing the extremes.

Not helpful.

With loving parents and an ordinary upbringing, you still do what seems appropriate. And never a tremendous amount more just because another adult might be mad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Or you do what you can with your elderly parent(s) and model grace for your own DC - as the adult DC, I’m doing what I’m comfortable doing because my parent was cruel and abusive to me. I was there in the last moments.

My DC know the backstory. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I maintained any sort of relationship with my parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to point out that I have a couple of friends and a sibling who either have relatives in assisted livings and nursing homes or provide ministerial/pastoral care visits to those in facilities. They have all seen a stunning decline in the quality of services due to labor shortages. One person who had their very nice CCRC all picked out said they will now never go into one. That leaves home health care aids, which is another area experiencing shortages. So, while it is good to plan options other than family members, those options appear to be rapidly deteriorating in quality.

You can find quality aids if you pay top dollar outside of care companies. It’s a lot of work finding a good one but once you do it’s worth every penny. Our parents have a fantastic one that we found privately and she’s fantastic. And definitely not cheap.

You really have no idea. It is very very hard to find good care even with ‘top dollar’ (btw you sound like an idiot sniffing about your $)

Yes, I have no idea since I ACTUALLY FOUND ONE. but blather on

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

So any kids with no living grandparents will automatically never have compassion for their aging parents? Maybe try making an actual plausible argument if you're going to try and shame people for not being doormats

Kids will see you ignore your parents and may do same to you b/c you taught them it's ok...

The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't help your parents, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you.

Nope. If you don't help your *kids*, don't be surprised if your kids don't help you. Your parents, your kids' grandparents, are entirely different people.

If your kids don't see you model that behavior in your own life, they won't have it for you later. You at least need to display authentic care and concern for your aging parents. Most of DCUM has nothing but distain for their parents though from what you see on this board.

disdain

I love my parents and they love me, and I think we’ll just muddle through as best we can.