Depending on the age of your kids and the specific concerns with MIL (is it physical issues or mental acuity concerns, for example?), a compromise could be to leave them with MIL and babysitting/daycare to assist. For example, MIL drops them off at regular daycare & picks them up at the usual time. MIL sleeps over at your home. Mother’s helper/sitter comes over to assist at bedtime if needed. Or if the weekend- sitter/sitters for most of the kids’ waking hours to take care of any “hard work” while MIL oversees and just enjoys the kids. But again - really depends on the age of your kids, and what the concerns are with MIL.

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

Anonymous wrote:Was speaking with my spouse about getting a weekend away together just the two of us - we need some time to reconnect. We have two young kids. My MIL lives locally, but is getting older. We haven't taken a solo trip together since when our first was an infant and my mother watched him for a weekend.

Asked my spouse if we could inquire with MIL about doing a weekend away in 2025. Spouse put the kibosh on that quickly, saying MIL is too old to watch two young kids.

So - is this it? We won't be taking another kid-free trip until our youngest is 16 and can stay home alone?

If so, I can now understand why marriages fade out.

What the hell do other people do? Or are you with your kids 24/7?

Go to Tyler Place resort as your next family vacation, this is exactly who it is made for.

A relative of mine doesn’t have in laws willing or able to watch their kids so they hired a baby sitter to do a major South American travel trip for their anniversary trip. Planned and budgeted for it and made it happen

There is a massive difference between “being with your kids 24/7” and “regular trips away without the kids”. We currently have 3 teens and have never had a family member capable of willing to take them overnight. The same is true for about half of our friends- so stop feeling sorry for yourself. That said:

-hire a babysitter or babysitters regularly! Treat them very well (overpay) so they want to babysit regularly and get to know your family very well. We had a standard weekly date night for years and years.

-when they were small, we left ours, here and there, for 1 or maybe 2 nights with said babysitter or babysitters. Usually to attend weddings (driving distance) or a little 1-2 night break (again, driving distance)

-as they get older and don’t need so much hands on care, it is feasible to “farm them out” to friends for a night or two (and return the favor)

-as they get older, overnight camps and such are possible. We didn’t do long sleepaway camps (but would be ideal for this)- however my kids often did shorter sleepaway camps (sports related) and we would try to coordinate those to overlap a bit if possible.

-eventually you won’t need a babysitter and can “go out” whenever you like, within reason. It is great.

And we don’t leave our teens alone when we go out of town for a night or two. They either stay with their friends- at least to sleep (and we return the favor) or we use an older lady we found on a local site. She generally pet sits and/or house sits, for us, but is happy to earn the extra income to stay the night when the kids are here. Obviously they do not need hands on care…just an adult in the house to keep an eye on things and possibly drive them somewhere as needed (if kid is not of driving age yet).

You have plenty of options, especially going forward as the kids get a bit older. Stop with the self pity.

We did it once for one night when the kids were young. Then grandparents decided they were not up for it anymore with 2 kids. They can’t figure out seatbelts either.

We had an au pair, but they are not allowed to watch kids overnight. We did take them with us on vacations sometimes for date nights, but you have to have extra space.

Both kids had camp one week one year - that was fun, but we were too nervous to go very far in case there was an emergency.

Teen years - nope.

Now they’re in college, so it’s very quiet.

Anonymous wrote:You can hire someone or go to a place with childcare. I don’t know. This has never been a big issue for us and we don’t have anyone who can stay with our kids while we go on a trip. Kids grow up fast.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very dramatic.

The most obvious solution is to hire a weekend nanny. It sounds like that’s cost prohibitive for you.

Okay. Next option:

Once your kids are in elementary school, it’s fairly easy to arrange sleepovers with friends. Yes, you’ll have to start with one night and work your way up to a weekend, but it’s doable. Obviously, you’ll have to reciprocate too so keep it in mind.

Realistically, there’s a period of roughly 4 or 5 years where it’s logistically difficult. After that, it’s just a matter of setting up sleepovers.

An entire weekend is different than a sleepover.

Is it? Leave Saturday morning, come back Sunday afternoon?

That’s a hell of a long sleepover.

No, it isn’t. You are weird

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very dramatic.

The most obvious solution is to hire a weekend nanny. It sounds like that’s cost prohibitive for you.

Okay. Next option:

Once your kids are in elementary school, it’s fairly easy to arrange sleepovers with friends. Yes, you’ll have to start with one night and work your way up to a weekend, but it’s doable. Obviously, you’ll have to reciprocate too so keep it in mind.

Realistically, there’s a period of roughly 4 or 5 years where it’s logistically difficult. After that, it’s just a matter of setting up sleepovers.

This is very difficult to coordinate when you have multiple kids. It might be a good option for one kid, more difficult for two, and for more than two just gets logistically very complicated. Also, if any of your kids have social difficulties and don’t really have a best friend, that makes it even more complicated.

My kids are teens/tweens now, and no, we have never taken a trip alone.

My mother, who is perfectly capable of watching our kids, isn’t interested (yet tells me stories of her friends who “have to” watch their grandchildren because otherwise the couple couldn’t take a vacation - whatever).

My MIL was much older and couldn’t walk on her own without a walker, so couldn’t do it.

I’m an only child, DH’s siblings just wouldn’t do it. It would never even occur to them.

I never had a sitter that I would trust with my kids multiple days while out of town.

Yes, kids went to sleep away camps at various times, but never really all at the same time.

So no, we have never been away for a couple couples getaway. Although it does sound lovely, it is luxury, not an entitlement. We signed up to be parents, and so we are parents.

It does sting a little that my mother isn’t more help, she was excited to have grandkids and always talked as if she wanted to be involved, but I think she liked the idea more than the reality. I also don’t have the type of relationship with DH’s siblings where I could ask them. DH is able to get away himself solo when he wants to, so I don’t think they realize how difficult it is.

At some point in a few years, kids will launch, and we will be living our best life, but until then, we are a family unit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very dramatic.

The most obvious solution is to hire a weekend nanny. It sounds like that’s cost prohibitive for you.

Okay. Next option:

Once your kids are in elementary school, it’s fairly easy to arrange sleepovers with friends. Yes, you’ll have to start with one night and work your way up to a weekend, but it’s doable. Obviously, you’ll have to reciprocate too so keep it in mind.

Realistically, there’s a period of roughly 4 or 5 years where it’s logistically difficult. After that, it’s just a matter of setting up sleepovers.

An entire weekend is different than a sleepover.

Is it? Leave Saturday morning, come back Sunday afternoon?

That’s a hell of a long sleepover.

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned your mother - is she not available? Also yes you can find reliable overnight sitters - I have family members not in DC area who’s used them. It’s a lot of work to vet and they are expensive but it can be done.

But also (and I say this as PP who mentioned going on trips when her kids were in sleepaway camps), yes it’s a lot harder and much more expensive to get a trip as a couple when you have children (and close to impossible when they are very little.) It comes with the territory.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very dramatic.

The most obvious solution is to hire a weekend nanny. It sounds like that’s cost prohibitive for you.

Okay. Next option:

Once your kids are in elementary school, it’s fairly easy to arrange sleepovers with friends. Yes, you’ll have to start with one night and work your way up to a weekend, but it’s doable. Obviously, you’ll have to reciprocate too so keep it in mind.

Realistically, there’s a period of roughly 4 or 5 years where it’s logistically difficult. After that, it’s just a matter of setting up sleepovers.

An entire weekend is different than a sleepover.

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the post! Seriously. I said you could start with one night sleepovers and work your way up to a whole weekend. It’s pretty common for families to swap like this, but it definitely doesn’t happen the first time.

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