As a grandmother, it would kill me to be subjected to hearing my grandchild beat with a belt. I would ask them to leave.

OP, why did you allow it. I would have intervened before the belt came off.

Hell no to hitting with a belt.

Mt grandfather said to only smack them on the bottom, never on the face. They'll never forget a smack on the face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

I would never be able to feel the same about my spouse ever again. I don’t understand why you didn’t leave with your child when your spouse threatened them? I would have been livid hearing my spouse threaten to hit my kids. If other discipline options were not working it was probably time to leave anyway.

Courts DGAF especially in VA. Abusive fathers get joint and sole custody all the time.

OP, get into therapy with your husband. He needs to learn about child development and understand what’s happening in your child’s brain. Corporal punishment is terrible. Tell husband you want to work together. You have to play the long game here.

NP What actually makes a difference for custody? That is how bad does the abuse actually need to be? I am in a similar situation and spoke with a lawyer and he told me the same thing - that occasionally hitting, throwing things at child and mother, will likely not make a difference in the end.

It has to be horrific and against the child. And then there’s a good chance that the mother will be blamed for allowing it to happen. The perception that mothers are favored is false, and when it comes to domestic violence they’re usually even worse off. VA is particularly bad, but it’s not unique.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

It sounds like you have raised a kid who feels it’s ok to run wild. The kid pushed your spouse to a breaking point and he broke. I don’t condone using the belt but what have you not done as a parent that allows your child to act that way. If the two of you don’t get control of your kid it will only get worse.

How can you not understand that the family (OP) using corporal punishment is the same family whose child was misbehaving? Connect the dots.

Sounds like a one off though. And it. Happened after dad told mom and kid that he was at the end of his rope and mom did nothing despite knowing the kid was going to continue misbehaving. I mean, when one parent says to the other, directly or indirectly, that they’ve had enough and can’t continue to effectively parent in the moment it’s time for the other parent to step in and remove the child so the behavior stops.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

It sounds like you have raised a kid who feels it’s ok to run wild. The kid pushed your spouse to a breaking point and he broke. I don’t condone using the belt but what have you not done as a parent that allows your child to act that way. If the two of you don’t get control of your kid it will only get worse.

How can you not understand that the family (OP) using corporal punishment is the same family whose child was misbehaving? Connect the dots.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

I would never be able to feel the same about my spouse ever again. I don’t understand why you didn’t leave with your child when your spouse threatened them? I would have been livid hearing my spouse threaten to hit my kids. If other discipline options were not working it was probably time to leave anyway.

Courts DGAF especially in VA. Abusive fathers get joint and sole custody all the time.

OP, get into therapy with your husband. He needs to learn about child development and understand what’s happening in your child’s brain. Corporal punishment is terrible. Tell husband you want to work together. You have to play the long game here.

NP What actually makes a difference for custody? That is how bad does the abuse actually need to be? I am in a similar situation and spoke with a lawyer and he told me the same thing - that occasionally hitting, throwing things at child and mother, will likely not make a difference in the end.

Anonymous wrote:Good for him . Someone has to put a foot down and actually punish this child. I would say thank you , next time we use a belt after 1 warning. No more second chances it’s the only way children learn..

Thanks for letting us know you’re a failure as a parent. Weird flex, but OK.

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

If my dh hit my kid with a belt I would move out and petition for full custody. Not being hyperbolic

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

I would never be able to feel the same about my spouse ever again. I don’t understand why you didn’t leave with your child when your spouse threatened them? I would have been livid hearing my spouse threaten to hit my kids. If other discipline options were not working it was probably time to leave anyway.

Courts DGAF especially in VA. Abusive fathers get joint and sole custody all the time.

OP, get into therapy with your husband. He needs to learn about child development and understand what’s happening in your child’s brain. Corporal punishment is terrible. Tell husband you want to work together. You have to play the long game here.

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

I would never be able to feel the same about my spouse ever again. I don’t understand why you didn’t leave with your child when your spouse threatened them? I would have been livid hearing my spouse threaten to hit my kids. If other discipline options were not working it was probably time to leave anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bring up divorce. No one is allowed to hit my kid with a belt.

Ex DH will then have kid alone 50% time.

Not when you cite the fact that he’s hit your kid.

Uh, nope. You are very ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:A swat with a belt hard enough to leave a mark. Kid was acting out all day, hitting grandparents’ dog, pushing people, not listening, whining and spouse gave a warning that the next time he would be spanked with a belt. And of course the kid misbehaved again. I don’t believe in physical punishment but spouse felt time outs and taking toys away weren’t working.

It sounds like you have raised a kid who feels it’s ok to run wild. The kid pushed your spouse to a breaking point and he broke. I don’t condone using the belt but what have you not done as a parent that allows your child to act that way. If the two of you don’t get control of your kid it will only get worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bring up divorce. No one is allowed to hit my kid with a belt.

Ex DH will then have kid alone 50% time.

Not when you cite the fact that he’s hit your kid.