Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 20:13     Subject: Re:DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"I'm experet in how much I love you but I am not expert in the meaning of that search, so I am going to take you back to the expert and we will get some good, smart guidance together." Hang in there OP, you are doing the right thing


This is great wording. I haven’t told him yet that I’m taking him but now I feel like I have some neutral languaging to use. Thank you.


This is a great way to put it. Having him understand you are not the expert on this topic but you do know when one is needed and that is non-negotiable. I’ve been thinking of you and your family, OP, and I hope things improve for you all. Sending you virtual hugs.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 18:41     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:PP. Look down the Google link for episode named "R U OK"


What is that?
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 16:48     Subject: Re:DS 14 search how to commit suicide
OP, you sound like a great parent with a wonderful kid. In addition to what you’re doing on the therapy front, I would focus on means prevention—eliminating/hiding from the home anything that could be dangerous. Lock up knives and medicines. If you have a gun, get it out of your house. Hide the car keys. Think of what else you have at home or that your kid has access to that could be used to harm. Have your kid keep his door open when he’s in his room. I know this sounds very scary but studies have shown that means prevention is better than anything else at preventing suicide. And suicide in teens is often impulsive.

My sibling committed suicide as a young adult and I wished we’d known this when we were trying to help them.

Wishing you all the best.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 15:51     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Y'all are clearly going through a lot. Relocation, new schools and jobs, father's depression, your stress, relationship issues, on top of that he is an anxious child. I'm sensing there are financial and logistical issues too (who doesn't have any?) so family therapy is warranted. Y'all need to get it out and know that y'all are going through things but you can help each other and come out strong.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 15:37     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's good he's getting therapy. I'm probably a lot like your son. No one would ever think I've struggled with depression or anxiety. I've never been fully suicidal but had light self harm. I can remember looking things up even though I had no intention of ever doing anything. It just kind of ....calmed that part of my brain when I'd read about it. I'd also read stories from people who had tried it.

Like you said, if something is chemically off it's just...off. I struggled a lot with the "I have nothing to be depressed about, I'm mad I feel this way" feelings. But it's just how my brain works. I can have everything going right in my life but if I'm not on meds, I'll still be able to feel this steady undercurrent in me of uneasiness. Sometimes I can manage fine without meds. Sometimes I need the help of meds for a bit.
Thanks for sharing this. I hope you feel loved and supported in your journey.


Thank you OP. Yes, I do. DH is fantastic and knows exactly the kind of support I need and I have a small but great group of friends. My parents struggled a little with how to help (my mom has her own mental health issues) but it was ok. I have a great life and I'm happy, so hopefully your son can get on that path too.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 15:34     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Having recently attended the funeral of a friends son who killed himself - therapy.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 15:33     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like he has a lot of good things in his life. Unfortunately, the suicides I've known about happened with kids that had many strengths and positive aspects to their lives. So caution is warranted.

I would suggest that you screen and find some appropriate videos from suicide attempt survivors. Videos that convey a message you want to share with him. Ask him to watch them and discuss with you. Or watch them together. I have watched some of these. A lot say that they are grateful to be alive and that their suicide attempt was traceable to disordered thinking/lack of perspective. Maybe that's helpful. Kids like to learn from videos.

I am a bit leery of the counseling profession. I believe that genuinely loving and thoughtful conversations with parents can help with breakthroughs in thinking. So in addition to the professional help, maybe there are some additional resources you can bring to bear.

My kid (who has had issues, but is not suicidal) has benefitted from having online friends in Roblox. They are real kids and they have been a source of emotional support when local friends have let my son down. You might consider this within reason. There are okay games out there.

Also consider whether your son is overtired or has SAD. Maybe you could try a sunlight wakeup lamp as a mild intervention.


All of this is wrong.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 20:18     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:It's good he's getting therapy. I'm probably a lot like your son. No one would ever think I've struggled with depression or anxiety. I've never been fully suicidal but had light self harm. I can remember looking things up even though I had no intention of ever doing anything. It just kind of ....calmed that part of my brain when I'd read about it. I'd also read stories from people who had tried it.

Like you said, if something is chemically off it's just...off. I struggled a lot with the "I have nothing to be depressed about, I'm mad I feel this way" feelings. But it's just how my brain works. I can have everything going right in my life but if I'm not on meds, I'll still be able to feel this steady undercurrent in me of uneasiness. Sometimes I can manage fine without meds. Sometimes I need the help of meds for a bit.
Thanks for sharing this. I hope you feel loved and supported in your journey.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 20:17     Subject: Re:DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:"I'm experet in how much I love you but I am not expert in the meaning of that search, so I am going to take you back to the expert and we will get some good, smart guidance together." Hang in there OP, you are doing the right thing


This is great wording. I haven’t told him yet that I’m taking him but now I feel like I have some neutral languaging to use. Thank you.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 16:39     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
It's good he's getting therapy. I'm probably a lot like your son. No one would ever think I've struggled with depression or anxiety. I've never been fully suicidal but had light self harm. I can remember looking things up even though I had no intention of ever doing anything. It just kind of ....calmed that part of my brain when I'd read about it. I'd also read stories from people who had tried it.

Like you said, if something is chemically off it's just...off. I struggled a lot with the "I have nothing to be depressed about, I'm mad I feel this way" feelings. But it's just how my brain works. I can have everything going right in my life but if I'm not on meds, I'll still be able to feel this steady undercurrent in me of uneasiness. Sometimes I can manage fine without meds. Sometimes I need the help of meds for a bit.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 16:33     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Maybe something else that could help is writing down a list of things that would make it better and make sure some of those things come to fruition. It could be anything from baking cupcakes to going fishing to taking a dream vacation.

People need distraction and things to look forward to when they are sad.

Spontaneity & novelty can also help. Do something safe but unexpected. Like take a train from DC to NYC for a quick overnight trip.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 16:23     Subject: Re:DS 14 search how to commit suicide
"I'm experet in how much I love you but I am not expert in the meaning of that search, so I am going to take you back to the expert and we will get some good, smart guidance together." Hang in there OP, you are doing the right thing
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 12:46     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:OP here-- I appreciate all the thoughtful comments and suggestions. It is so hard and I know it is not a one size fits all type of problem/solution. My DH, who I mentioned, is going through his own difficult moment but he has done a really good job at being present in front of the kids so I think the kids are pretty clueless to how much he is struggling. But we both work from home so when the kids go to school and we have a moment, we both end up in tears over this. However, in front of the kids, while we can express "we are sad" or "we are having a hard time", we don't let it derail the family time or let them know how much of a struggle it is right now.

My DS is like the kid that posters wrote about---he received the "student of the year" award, he is on the honor roll, has interests.... apparently none of that matters when something is chemically off. And while I am thankful the school has safety rails up and the counselor is so in tune with my son, he won't always have that available. We are just so scared.


OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's definitely scary. I think getting with the therapist is a good idea. Also reach out to the pediatrician about SSRI's if you can't get in with a pediatric psychiatrist.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 12:29     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
PP. Look down the Google link for episode named "R U OK"
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 12:26     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like he has a lot of good things in his life. Unfortunately, the suicides I've known about happened with kids that had many strengths and positive aspects to their lives. So caution is warranted.

I would suggest that you screen and find some appropriate videos from suicide attempt survivors. Videos that convey a message you want to share with him. Ask him to watch them and discuss with you. Or watch them together. I have watched some of these. A lot say that they are grateful to be alive and that their suicide attempt was traceable to disordered thinking/lack of perspective. Maybe that's helpful. Kids like to learn from videos.

I am a bit leery of the counseling profession. I believe that genuinely loving and thoughtful conversations with parents can help with breakthroughs in thinking. So in addition to the professional help, maybe there are some additional resources you can bring to bear.

My kid (who has had issues, but is not suicidal) has benefitted from having online friends in Roblox. They are real kids and they have been a source of emotional support when local friends have let my son down. You might consider this within reason. There are okay games out there.

Also consider whether your son is overtired or has SAD. Maybe you could try a sunlight wakeup lamp as a mild intervention.


Roblox???? Are you kidding? Just no. You have no idea who your child is interacting with.


PP. I am not kidding. I am a thoughtful person, I check in with my kids regularly, I see what they have on screen, and I am positively quite surprised with the kids my children have met and befriended. I hear their voices. They are not grownups. One is a high school student in Quebec...I've spoken to him in French. Another is a very bright Chinese-American kid in NYC who is going to Bronx HS of Science now. We know this kid's real name but not his address. My kid got interested in studying Chinese because of this kid and now my kid is in high school Chinese 2.

Roblox is for younger kids, so it's tamer and relatively uncool. I would not be ok with League of Legends, World of Warcraft, Fortnite.

The world is amazing and scary at the same time. Internet is just a microcosm. My kids have rarely run across anybody loosely resembling the adult "stranger danger" types that we read about.

So I'm surprised myself but haven't seen negatives yet. Internet people (even anonymous ones) can be a valid support system and even progress to being real life friends.

Here's an example from a podcast.

https://www.google.com/search?q=onstar+safety+podcast+video+gamer&oq=onstar+safety+podcast+video+gamer&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRiPAjIHCAIQIRiPAtIBCTEzOTUyajBqN6gCALACAQ&client=ms-android-verizon-us-rvc3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Good judgment is everything. Totally rejecting gaming culture is like being anti-rock 'n' roll.