Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 13:22     Subject: Re:I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
I think you’ve posted many times before. A lot of therapists aren’t good. Definitely recommend online with someone licensed to provide the health in your state. I live in VA and am seeing a therapist in FL who specializes in the issue I have. I’m actually wondering if you might be able to find someone with particular expertise in unhappy training spouses or something like that, like maybe someone that works with military spouses or something.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 09:53     Subject: I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That particular therapist should not have phrased it like that. It was unprofessional. However, if this has happened with multiple therapists, then you must be contributing to the problem, OP. You might be overly aggressive in your choice of words or tone, and have displaced anger about your trailing spouse life that you put squarely on your current location.

Have you tried medication for your depression? Sometimes it takes medication to make your brain more amenable to therapy and improvement. I've seen this in my son's ADHD. He couldn't learn unless he was medicated. I have a lot of anxiety, and so far medication has not worked for me, but I suspect my therapy sessions would work far better if I could find the right meds!

I also suggest finding an online therapist, not based where you are. You won't know where they're from unless they tell you. My psychiatrist lives in California, and is licensed there and in the state I live in. I see her on Zoom. I see my therapist on Zoom as well. No idea where he lives.


It's actually entirely possible for multiple therapists to be terrible. I've had multiple therapists respond in unprofessional ways to the same issue. It turned me off of therapy for a long time. I'm now with one that seems to know how to do her job, which is wonderful. The previous therapists' failings are not my fault, FFS.

A patient should not have to filter themselves beyond treating the therapist with courtesy and respect (obviously no therapist deserves to be abused). If the therapist is responding dismissively to a patient that is distressed, they are not doing their job. Which sucks for the patient, who has to keep looking for a therapist.


Unlikely. There is something off in OP’s story telling here and maybe with the therapist. Like she says, no one decent could possibly like this place! Then the therapist answers they like this place.


Many therapists do seem to think their job is to be friends with their patients. It's not. The therapists opinion of a given place is completely irrelevant.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 09:23     Subject: Re:I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
Maybe you are in the wrong marriage.

You are definitely bitter and resentful towards your spouse. The location is a red herring
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 09:20     Subject: I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I am a trailing spouse and hate where I live. It's caused depression, so like a mostly sane person, I tried therapy. I word vomited for the first fifteen minutes about how I hate where I live and why. She listened, then when I stopped talking, said, [b]"Well, I love it here. I don't understand why you don't."[/b]

Obviously, the rest of the session didn't go well. I tried once more with her, then moved on to someone else. Same response. I just had a first session with a fourth therapist, and you guessed it...same response. I'm frustrated. I feel lonely and isolated and insulting these people makes me feel worse, but where I live literally IS the problem. I want to learn how to love it like they do, because all my issues stems from it. Am I supposed to couch my words? Something else? Help.

(FWIW, I am not in the DMV. Grew up there, live elsewhere now.)


Therapists should not give their opinions in this way. Try online therapy.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 08:54     Subject: I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
As others mentioned you simply find someone who lives far outside your area, but in your state for virtual therapy.

I do think another post may be on target that you are hearing "well I love it here" in their response because of your own distorted thinking. I cannot image 4 therapists all using those exact words. Maybe they tried to point out what they like about the town to spark something, but it seems statistically impossible that every therapist you saw responded with "I love it here!" Maybe, "Here's what I love......" That doesn't mean they love it. It means they have found things to enjoy. For example, I didn't like living in DC, but I loved some of the cultural activities and many restaurants.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 08:09     Subject: I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That particular therapist should not have phrased it like that. It was unprofessional. However, if this has happened with multiple therapists, then you must be contributing to the problem, OP. You might be overly aggressive in your choice of words or tone, and have displaced anger about your trailing spouse life that you put squarely on your current location.

Have you tried medication for your depression? Sometimes it takes medication to make your brain more amenable to therapy and improvement. I've seen this in my son's ADHD. He couldn't learn unless he was medicated. I have a lot of anxiety, and so far medication has not worked for me, but I suspect my therapy sessions would work far better if I could find the right meds!

I also suggest finding an online therapist, not based where you are. You won't know where they're from unless they tell you. My psychiatrist lives in California, and is licensed there and in the state I live in. I see her on Zoom. I see my therapist on Zoom as well. No idea where he lives.


It's actually entirely possible for multiple therapists to be terrible. I've had multiple therapists respond in unprofessional ways to the same issue. It turned me off of therapy for a long time. I'm now with one that seems to know how to do her job, which is wonderful. The previous therapists' failings are not my fault, FFS.

A patient should not have to filter themselves beyond treating the therapist with courtesy and respect (obviously no therapist deserves to be abused). If the therapist is responding dismissively to a patient that is distressed, they are not doing their job. Which sucks for the patient, who has to keep looking for a therapist.


Unlikely. There is something off in OP’s story telling here and maybe with the therapist. Like she says, no one decent could possibly like this place! Then the therapist answers they like this place.
Anonymous
Post 12/04/2024 08:08     Subject: I insulted my therapist. Actually, a few of them.
As an academic I know a lot of people who kind of hate where they live. The one job on their field was in a small rural town and they are city people, they are the only Jewish/Indian/Arab family in town, they are vegetarians and everyone is always hunting, the schools are terrible, there are no museums etc. If this is that situation, you can probably find a therapist who is familiar with that scenario. The usual set of actions that people take are realizing that “school” is only 32 out of 52 weeks. People find a way to spend summers away, take every academic break away, apply for sabbatical and fellowship opportunities. Always have something on the calendar that involves leaving, stay in touch and go to visit friends and family.