Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 15:29     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:My 18 year old daughter hasn't ever dated anyone. She's smart, funny, pretty, thin, outgoing. However, boys don't seem really interested in her (according to her--I'm not around when she talks to them). She's not overtly sexy, doesn't post much online, (and nothing provocative), etc. She attends a girls school and doesn't have a ton of contact with boys. The ones she does know aren't interested in her. She goes to parties and she'll talk to a guy for a few hours but it never leads to anyone texting her. When it comes time for a school dance (say--homecoming which was last month) a boy she's talked to at a party will end up inviting another girl (or so she reports).
It seems to be really hard to be a girl these days. She wants to date. I assure her it's 100% fine (and that dating will happen at some point) but i think it's hard to want this and not have any interest from boys. She's been watching romantic movies and has typical teenage hormones (and has for years now as she's 18). Thoughts on how to support her? This stuff sucks. I don't care (I think it's awesome be investing in female friends during these years) but it's started to really bother her.



What about asking around within your own friend group to see if anyone has a son who they could ask to help out here?
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 11:55     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
There’s been a switch in the last few years: lots of teenagers date now. There is some pressure to have a boyfriend. My DD doesn’t date, but hasn’t complained about it either. I do know all her friends are intensely into boys and many are coupled up. The girls who date are fairly assertive about it, they snap boys (often friends of friends; not necessarily at their school), they pursue them.

If your DD is shy, it’s hard. Things will be better in college.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 11:48     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?



I think most boys don't know or are fearful of approaching girls. They usually need a sign/hint before they go for it so girls will show their interest by snapping them first. Of course there are some exceptions. My daughter met 2 boys who were confident enough to approach her first, ask her out on a date, etc.


Social media is responsible. The boys are afraid of what is expected of them. Promposals and grown-up type crap. Being shot down so much more publicly than back in the 80s/90s---and everyone knowing all over SM. Can you blame them?



If a boy’s prom invite is shot down, his humiliation is shared with the entire school over social media by the end of the day.

Prom is not worth it. Too much risk and too embarrassing.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 11:00     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


100% my teen son's phone is filled with messages from girls--our public and other private HS. He spends his weekend nights with us. He has sports all nights and usually 2 games on the weekends.

He is at an all-boy school so it's kind of crazy.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:59     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?



Two nephews and it is yes. They are always being pursued.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:58     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Girls are generally the ones pursuing boys these days. They may do that by snapping certain types of pictures, chatting, texting, etc. But the boys generally aren't the ones doing the pursuing. If she just sits back and waits, she's going to wait a long, long time.


Have others found this to be the case?



I think most boys don't know or are fearful of approaching girls. They usually need a sign/hint before they go for it so girls will show their interest by snapping them first. Of course there are some exceptions. My daughter met 2 boys who were confident enough to approach her first, ask her out on a date, etc.


Social media is responsible. The boys are afraid of what is expected of them. Promposals and grown-up type crap. Being shot down so much more publicly than back in the 80s/90s---and everyone knowing all over SM. Can you blame them?
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:56     Subject: Re:18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:I wish I hadn't dated in high school. Although I had a nice boyfriend, the time could have been spent in better ways.


+1 my boys attended an all-boys HS. Their time was taken up with their sport (almost every night of the week) and their academics (straight As in a rigorous schedule). The free time they had--they hung out with friends playing pick up b-ball, football, pickleball, etc. They went to Homecoming, Prom but didn't even know the date ahead of time. Guys will set other guys up with sisters, friends at girls-schools, etc.

I was 100% glad we didn't have any drama during HS or they didn't get 'side-tracked'. My husband says similar to you pp---the serious GF took up a lot of time from other things.

My kids social just fine and had zero issues when they got to college. I did not have a BF in college or HS. I dated a ton after college. Married at 28.

There is time.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:53     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My quick reaction is to be grateful that she is not dating high school boys. (With apologies to decent high school boys who don't want sex or a vaping buddy).
This doesn't help you deal with the loneliness of your daughter, and she can deal with this by asking friend/s to a movie, a hike, a dance, an anime fest, whatever her interests are. These will be more group-oriented dates ("Let's go bowling") than one-on-one. But she could get to know a guy better, in a group setting, rather than a date. I agree with those who say that life changes in college--and the boys change, too (for the better,in my experience!)


Agree - the boys change for the better. It’s your job as her mom to help her realize that she REALLY is not missing out on anything. And as an adult, there will be very little she remembers about her high school social life.


Is this just a maturity statement? I assume the boys OP's daughter wants to date are all headed to college as well. Are you claiming they will be more mature in 9 months vs. now?
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2024 10:51     Subject: 18 year old daughter wants a boyfriend
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My daughter goes to a small college prep private. She reports there is very little dating. In the school, there are maybe seven couples. I'm glad about that. I don't want her limited by a HS sweetheart. Way more dating happens in college. I'd just caution her about hookup culture. That doesn't lead to a boyfriend.


Such a strange description. Is there any private HS that isn't focused on college prep?

Put another way, is there any private HS that focuses on preparing kids for the trades?


Are you not a private school family? Those of us who are know that some schools market themselves as being college prep. No need to get your knickers in a bunch.


I am a private school family. I guess we attend a real private school as they don't market themselves as being college prep in the sense that is some unique attribute that attracts students to attend vs. literally every other private school that is also college prep.

No knickers in a bunch...I think you realize how silly you were in your HS description.