Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it shifts if you are currently childless vs already having children- the latter, slightly selfish. I can't imagine having a dependent and also having to deal with menopause. I also think many women love the early years so much that they forget that adult children are also wonderful with milestones, and it makes me sad to think of lowering my chances for being around for that (graduation, marriage, career growth. Etc).

The average age of menopause is 51-52. Are you suggesting that a woman shouldn't have children after 34 because they'll still be minors during probable onset of menopause?

Women can have children whenever they want. It's not something I would desire if I already had children as undeniably there is a big difference in physical demands and overall dependence from a parent between a 7-9 year old vs 17-18 (should have been more clear when I said "dependent," my fault).

Anonymous wrote:I think it shifts if you are currently childless vs already having children- the latter, slightly selfish. I can't imagine having a dependent and also having to deal with menopause. I also think many women love the early years so much that they forget that adult children are also wonderful with milestones, and it makes me sad to think of lowering my chances for being around for that (graduation, marriage, career growth. Etc).

The average age of menopause is 51-52. Are you suggesting that a woman shouldn't have children after 34 because they'll still be minors during probable onset of menopause?

I think it shifts if you are currently childless vs already having children- the latter, slightly selfish. I can't imagine having a dependent and also having to deal with menopause. I also think many women love the early years so much that they forget that adult children are also wonderful with milestones, and it makes me sad to think of lowering my chances for being around for that (graduation, marriage, career growth. Etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 47, if I didn’t have kids and wanted them, at this age I’d adopt older kids. It takes a long time but it would be so worth it. I have friends in their early 50s who adopted twins who were 12, 5-6 years ago. The tweens are currently looking at colleges and the family is thriving and so happy they found each other.

That’s so interesting! Are you in the DC area? I had been given to believe that you age out of eligibility for most adoption agencies at a younger age than when IVF clinics start turning you away.

There are essentially no older kids available for private adoption by non-relatives. Older kids are either internationally adopted (far rarer than a few decades ago) or adopted from foster care (which ads abuse or neglect to any trauma from adoption itself). Both can be great paths and help kids who need homes, but easy thriving college-bound teens are the exception rather than the rule.

Anonymous wrote:I’m 47, if I didn’t have kids and wanted them, at this age I’d adopt older kids. It takes a long time but it would be so worth it. I have friends in their early 50s who adopted twins who were 12, 5-6 years ago. The tweens are currently looking at colleges and the family is thriving and so happy they found each other.

That’s so interesting! Are you in the DC area? I had been given to believe that you age out of eligibility for most adoption agencies at a younger age than when IVF clinics start turning you away.

Down syndrome or autism are high risks. Plus you’re 61 when they go to college. your be pressed to have energy for grandkids if you see them at all. Too many negatives.

I thought I could wait. Started trying at 39 then needed endo surgery and then ivf did not work for me. Didn’t respond to the meds. Tried multiple clinics. Ended up donor egg which did work. I had gd and hypertension while pregnant at 42. My child is great and I’m not too tired but I went through a ton to have a child.