Anonymous wrote:OP I’m sure you find most of these answers as helpful as ice water in Antarctica, but it is a reality of trying to seek help in a public forum. These same koolaid responses reign supreme at the Parent Administration meetings. There’s an assumption that all kids learn the same way. I don’t have any advice, other than consider college matriculation results at most privates are nearly identical. You don’t have to subject your kids to places like GDS.

I've had kids at GDS and Big3 and I don't feel like this describes GDS at all. Contact your child's advisor. 9th grade is a huge transition year at GDS. Learning how to adapt to expectations (of style/quantity/quality) of work and navigate in a community with a lot of freedom is a lot. Kids need to learn how to communicate with teachers. I don't think they expect everyone to learn the same way, but in the end, everyone needs to be able to manage life/work balance and create guardrails for themselves. Executive functioning and the ability to make good choices with respect to workload are important. It's not for everyone, but that doesn't mean teachers expect everyone to learn the same way (and I believe Big 3 are more like that than GDS).

Have you or your student reached out to their advisor?

OP I’m sure you find most of these answers as helpful as ice water in Antarctica, but it is a reality of trying to seek help in a public forum. These same koolaid responses reign supreme at the Parent Administration meetings. There’s an assumption that all kids learn the same way. I don’t have any advice, other than consider college matriculation results at most privates are nearly identical. You don’t have to subject your kids to places like GDS.

Anonymous wrote:Got it.

So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging.

Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

Some (not all) pay for it because of the "prestige" that some parents (erroneously) think it brings *to the parents* when they tell everyone else their children attend X school.

This obsession with displays of "prestige" also explains why some parents (not all) obsess so much about sending their kids to T15, T20, Ivy, HYPS, or whatever.

The ultra-defensiveness behind the gaslighting accusations suggests that you're the one whose nerve was struck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is going in unprepared for the meetings with teachers. i.e. is he saying "can you read my paper and tell me what to improve" or "can you explain this project to me" when the teacher likely went over it in class. You kid needs to be going in "prepared" for these one on ones, i.e. say "I want to get feedback on my thesis and if you think my argument xx is properly supporting xxx" or "I am confused about this direction on the project, can you explain if you want me to do xx or xx for this portion."

Got it. So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging. Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

You have poor reading skills.

That’s not true. Sorry I hit a nerve, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is going in unprepared for the meetings with teachers. i.e. is he saying "can you read my paper and tell me what to improve" or "can you explain this project to me" when the teacher likely went over it in class. You kid needs to be going in "prepared" for these one on ones, i.e. say "I want to get feedback on my thesis and if you think my argument xx is properly supporting xxx" or "I am confused about this direction on the project, can you explain if you want me to do xx or xx for this portion."

Got it. So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging. Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

You have poor reading skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is going in unprepared for the meetings with teachers. i.e. is he saying "can you read my paper and tell me what to improve" or "can you explain this project to me" when the teacher likely went over it in class. You kid needs to be going in "prepared" for these one on ones, i.e. say "I want to get feedback on my thesis and if you think my argument xx is properly supporting xxx" or "I am confused about this direction on the project, can you explain if you want me to do xx or xx for this portion."

Got it. So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging. Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

I doubt this is the way it played out - kids tend to be quite bad at sharing "what really happened" in these situations.

As a GDS parent, if my kid went for help and felt they didn't get it, I'd contact the student's advisor and explain what the kid said, and be humble enough to say I have no idea what "really happened" but ask the advisor to help my kid navigate the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grades thing is as it should be. Students not getting help when going to the teacher is not good, however.

I agree. It's literally their job.

How many times have I heard that private is better because students get personal attention and support and don’t fall through the cracks? We get teacher writing feedback and help in history for free over here in public. They also communicate the grades in real time to parents and students.

WHOever claims that teachers are not available to help students 1:1 when the student asks is not being truthful, at Sidwell STA NCS and GDS. maybe other independent schools too. But certainly these 4.

Yes, that is in fact what we pay for. OP needs to loosen the apron strings a little

We know of many cases at Sidwell where students were not helped.

Do your children attend Sidwell?

Yes - we are a multi-school family.

There have been a number of good replies in this thread. I'm also a long time GDS parent. Have had two go through the HS and one more there now in HS.

The teachers do mostly care. There are some incompetent ones, though fairly rare - a long time, now gone science teacher stands out in my mind as actually one of the laziest and most incompetent adults I've me - but they did care about the kids, and even those *actually* care. They are just bad communicators.

GDS teachers are mostly about learning and mastery and NOT grades. Unless the kid tells you quiz and test grades or unless you get "interim" student update emails, you will get no grade access until report cards.

The workload is high. Like super high. Esp 10th-11th-Fall 12th. Way higher than anything you can imagine.

Most (50+% by my kid's count) of kids have at least one outside tutor. Some have tutors for all subjects.

Stay in frequent touch w/ the advisor and ask for intervention if you see signs of concern at home.

There is a language at GDS that involves using certain key words like "concerns" that you are seeing at home, or "stress and anxiety" in kid or lack of "mastery" - dont lead w/ grade concerns

-kid self advocating. Teachers place more value in kid comments than parent comments

-advisors are the preferred initial parent gateway to teachers

-grades are de-emphasized and esp. grade tracking. But if your kid cares and you have concern, have them track every grade for you

-have kid use office hours and go in specific questions - most teachers are super available at free periods, community time and after school

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is going in unprepared for the meetings with teachers. i.e. is he saying "can you read my paper and tell me what to improve" or "can you explain this project to me" when the teacher likely went over it in class. You kid needs to be going in "prepared" for these one on ones, i.e. say "I want to get feedback on my thesis and if you think my argument xx is properly supporting xxx" or "I am confused about this direction on the project, can you explain if you want me to do xx or xx for this portion."

Got it. So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging. Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

I dont think he was brushed off, I think it was communicated, maybe passively, that asking questions that a 5th ot 6th grader might ask -- can you fix my five page paper? can you tell me how to do this? rather than critically thinking about the project and then asking more precise questions that reflect effort. I mean, you picked one of the most rigorous, if not the most rigorous, school in the DMV and you are upset about the teachers no babying him? Many of these teachers are phd level, thats what youre paying for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grades thing is as it should be. Students not getting help when going to the teacher is not good, however.

Yes - especially if there are no resources like a writing lab that your kid can proactively sign up for? Sheesh.

There is a drop in math center available during free periods. Are you sure there isn't a writing equivalent?

Anonymous wrote:The grades thing is as it should be. Students not getting help when going to the teacher is not good, however.

Yes - especially if there are no resources like a writing lab that your kid can proactively sign up for? Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kid is going in unprepared for the meetings with teachers. i.e. is he saying "can you read my paper and tell me what to improve" or "can you explain this project to me" when the teacher likely went over it in class. You kid needs to be going in "prepared" for these one on ones, i.e. say "I want to get feedback on my thesis and if you think my argument xx is properly supporting xxx" or "I am confused about this direction on the project, can you explain if you want me to do xx or xx for this portion."

Got it. So a child new to the school works up the guts to ask for help, but if he doesn’t ask for help in just the right way, he is brushed off. He will have to self-teach science, and parents paying the bill are excluded from any involvement, transparency and communication. They are gaslit that if they actually want to know what’s going on and support their child that they are helicoptering or micromanaging. Why you folks pay for this nonsense is beyond me. The goal is for the student to learn and grow. Why put up all these made up roadblocks?

Just because we don't get grades in real time doesn't mean we're excluded from involvement. My 9th grader had an issue with one teacher that he wasn't able to resolve on his own. I emailed the teacher, met with her the next day, and the day after that got a student update from her that she and my child had met and resolved the issue.

We don't know if the OP's child had unreasonable expectations for how the teacher would support him or if he happened to get a dud teacher (they exist at every school), or if there was some miscommunication. But my experience has been that teachers are happy to work with parents to resolve problems -- but that's different from having conversations with parents about grades, which they are probably unwilling to do.

It sounds like you need to adjust to the progressive education model used at GDS. Did you understand their educational philosophy and pedagogy when you enrolled your child? It’s definitely a different approach to education. There’s a lot of holistically supporting students and meeting them where they are, but also fostering independence, self advocacy, etc. Schools like GDS expect students to take responsibility for their learning as opposed to it being parent-driven. Does GDS have conferences for Upper School students?