Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Well, kids do have those things, and a good parent would understand and be willing to spend time facilitating homework and social events on their "time". Just like I do on my time. There's no right that Dad Time be 100% free of any other activity that the kid might want to do and they just gaze into each other's eyes for 48 hours. If the dad refuses to support the kid having a normal life with homework, sports, and socializing, is it any wonder they have a bad relationship?

I'm also amazed you think I have that level of influence. If my ex is such a great parent, the kid would be willing to spend time with him and surely my saying "it's your choice" would not be an obstacle to that.

You are just as much a problem as he is. You don't dictate what dad does on his time, and he doesn't dictate what you do on your time. If Dad only sees kid 1-2 days a month, kid should be with dad and not socializing. You don't seem to get that. You are trying everything to stop the relationship, you succeeded and now want to justify it.

Sorry nope. You're the one who doesn't get it. It's all the same kind of time. It's not within my power to rearrange the kid's life so that Dad Time can be free of any obligations. Teenagers have school and activities, and I can't produce a homework or sports schedule that keeps Dad Time free of it. Nor is it within my power to convince my child that this is fair or reasonable. If my ex wants to make the kid miss their sport and keep them away from their friends, that's going to affect their relationship in the short term, but also in the long term as the kid realizes their dad is a visitor not a parent. And there's nothing I can do about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Ah, so here we get to the real issue. Dad thinks he's a parent, but he really isn't. He's a visitor for his own reasons, and his reasons take priority. He wants the kid served up happy and respectful, and free of any obligations whatsoever, because Dad Time isn't actually parenting time. Dad Time is for Dad's happiness and convenience. It doesn't include any responsibility for academics, any consideration for other social relationships, any obligations, any sport, really anything at all. That's all Mom Work-- and she's somehow, magically supposed to make sure that everything boring or unpleasant, anything that requires a smidgen of actual parenting, is handled on her time. Dad Time must remain pristine! And if the kid resents having to miss things or to jam all their stuff into Mom Time, well then, guess that's just Mom poisoning the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Well, kids do have those things, and a good parent would understand and be willing to spend time facilitating homework and social events on their "time". Just like I do on my time. There's no right that Dad Time be 100% free of any other activity that the kid might want to do and they just gaze into each other's eyes for 48 hours. If the dad refuses to support the kid having a normal life with homework, sports, and socializing, is it any wonder they have a bad relationship?

I'm also amazed you think I have that level of influence. If my ex is such a great parent, the kid would be willing to spend time with him and surely my saying "it's your choice" would not be an obstacle to that.

You are just as much a problem as he is. You don't dictate what dad does on his time, and he doesn't dictate what you do on your time. If Dad only sees kid 1-2 days a month, kid should be with dad and not socializing. You don't seem to get that. You are trying everything to stop the relationship, you succeeded and now want to justify it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Well, kids do have those things, and a good parent would understand and be willing to spend time facilitating homework and social events on their "time". Just like I do on my time. There's no right that Dad Time be 100% free of any other activity that the kid might want to do and they just gaze into each other's eyes for 48 hours. If the dad refuses to support the kid having a normal life with homework, sports, and socializing, is it any wonder they have a bad relationship?

I'm also amazed you think I have that level of influence. If my ex is such a great parent, the kid would be willing to spend time with him and surely my saying "it's your choice" would not be an obstacle to that.

When a new girlfriend or wife comes into the picture, they might not be too happy about the time a dad spends on their kid, running them around to their activities and seeing their friends. So, dad sets a boundary to keep the peace, like saying, "No sports, social events, or other activities on MY time." But think about how the child feels when their dad uses custody rules to cut them off from friends, school, or activities they care about. This can create a lot of resentment, especially during a sensitive time in their life. Eventually, the kid might just refuse to go to their dad’s house if it means being stuck in an uncomfortable situation. The rift in the relationship in this circumstance comes directly from the dad’s actions, and it’s up to him to fix it. It's certainly not up to his ex wife to smooth over his bad acts. If he doesn't, he’ll have to accept that their kid might want little to do with them as they get older, especially once they’re old enough to make their own choices about living arrangements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Well, kids do have those things, and a good parent would understand and be willing to spend time facilitating homework and social events on their "time". Just like I do on my time. There's no right that Dad Time be 100% free of any other activity that the kid might want to do and they just gaze into each other's eyes for 48 hours. If the dad refuses to support the kid having a normal life with homework, sports, and socializing, is it any wonder they have a bad relationship?

I'm also amazed you think I have that level of influence. If my ex is such a great parent, the kid would be willing to spend time with him and surely my saying "it's your choice" would not be an obstacle to that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

He can come and you can tell the child not to go with him and he'll listen to you over Dad. Lets be real. You tell the kid, Dad is coming at 5 PM, have a good tiem and see you when you get home. Not, hey, Dad wants to see you at 5 PM but its your choice but don't forget you have to see your friends, the game, homework, etc.

Anonymous wrote:There seem to be some bitter folk on here who have become estranged due to their behavior and want to blame the parent.
Sigh.

The parents have everything to do with it and its very easy for one parent to turn kids against the other parent. I saw my mom doing it to my dad (we were adults and could form our own opinions on his poor behavior, so in that process I lost both parents who were behaving badly). I saw it with my husband's ex-wife who really screwed up the kids, one who married someone just like mom and is now going through a long divorce/custody battle. They didn't have any role models for healthy and positive relationships. Another generation will not suffer.

There seem to be some bitter folk on here who have become estranged due to their behavior and want to blame the parent.
Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Why can't he? Our agreement is he picks DS up from school at 5 pm on Fridays. I'm not even there. They can go ahead and have a nice time doing whatever they want. Or do you think my ex is such a terrible parent that he can't even do that without me cheerleading and gaslighting the kid into it? What does that say about my ex?

You need to think about whether the goal is to coerce the child to a physical location, or is it to have a genuine relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.

Dad cannot do anything without your support. You are the problem.

Anonymous wrote:What's the financial angle? Does your ex not pay support because you split custody? So your ex doesn't want to pay MORE if the teen doesn't go to his house? Just don't ask for more in that case and stop forcing your teen to go.

I can not imagine a judge reprimanding you over a 17 year old's choices to not see their other parent.

You get more child support with no shared custody or visitation. Huge financial incentive.

Anonymous wrote:You can't force a teen to spend time with the parent if they choose not to. And a court won't make the teen go. I continue to pay child support even though my ex only has our child about 90% of the time though.

Yes you can. It’s called parenting. The problem is usually the custodial parent dowsmt want the visits so that’s the bigger issue.

You can't force a teen to spend time with the parent if they choose not to. And a court won't make the teen go. I continue to pay child support even though my ex only has our child about 90% of the time though.

What's the financial angle? Does your ex not pay support because you split custody? So your ex doesn't want to pay MORE if the teen doesn't go to his house? Just don't ask for more in that case and stop forcing your teen to go.

I can not imagine a judge reprimanding you over a 17 year old's choices to not see their other parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this situation. I find it ridiculous when people assume you can force a kid. It can become violent. I’m sure there is a good reason the kid doesn’t want to be with that other parent and the other parent needs to address it.
Again, good luck forcing a 17 yo boy. You might want to do pickup/drop off at the police station - just in case.
You may end up with a runaway situation.

You need to get your child intensive mental health treatment if you are dealing with violence, running away and more. Ever consider your parenting plays a part in it too.

I have a teenage boy. Yes, I force him to do all kinds of things and if he doesn't there are consequences.

Your child doesn't respect you. Either your child is very mentally ill, your parenting sucks, or both.

That's not it at all. I'm choosing not to force him to visit his father because it would take extreme levels of coercion and I don't think it will be beneficial in the long run for their relationship. The coercion would poison the relationship with his father and also my son's relationship with me. There are all kinds of things I require of my child, but this is not one of them. His father needs to repair the relationship by acting appropriately, and his failure to do so is not my problem to solve. Forcing my son into his father's physical presence does not actually solve the problem anyway. Try to focus on the relationships here, not moving a child around as if he's a piece of property.