How do you stop having a crush?
You become a better person

Anonymous wrote:It was on this forum that someone suggested imagining their dirty socks all over the place, or that they don't clean up after themselves, or whatever your personal pet peeve is. You're excited by them because you don't see their flaws. Imagine they're hella annoying to live with.

This has never worked for me with any crush in my life.

Crushes are a form of both intellectual and emotional masturbation. They're cheap, flimsy ways of indulging fantasies you're not willing to actively seek out for yourself and, depending on the severity of the crush, a form of self-sabotage and even self-injury. Rather than working on finding/building a relationship you don't have to psychologically escape from, crushes allow you to indulge in a delusional fantasy of how great having those things would be, while staying stuck where you're unhappy, doing nothing, sighing and wishing and wondering what-if. It's not just that you have a fantasy; most people do. It's that you've projected your fantasy expectations onto another living human without any willingness to obtain their consent or explore whether or not they're even interested in your headcanon.

For the overwhelming majority of people who aren't in solitary confinement or otherwise physically restrained from engaging other people, crushes are a weak-willed waste of time that would be better spent analyzing your fantasies and then working on making what's viable a reality.

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the same boat, OP. For me, fortunately, being around them in person on a few occasions has shown me that I would likely not want to have a real life relationship with them. Too many annoying habits and mannerisms. However, the fantasy and seeing them on Zoom keeps me from getting over the crush.

Yes! It’s so weird, I had a crush and seeing him on zoom kept it very much alive and seeing him in person would kill it! So bizarre! Thankfully he moved away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And since you seem hung up on it: I haven't had sex with anyone but my husband in like two decades and counting, so you don't need to take your open marriage hate out on me, a random on an anon board.

You may need to take it to a therapist, though. Nobody happy goes around judging randoms like that.

That's exactly what DCUM is here for!

You're defending open marriage with zero experience of actually being in one, then? Maybe you need to take that to a therapist and figure out why you're so interested in the positives of these arrangements you don't have.

That's not what I said, and you're clearly biased (and likely stupid af) so there's no point in trying to correct your ignorance. Have a lovely day being a judgmental idiot and good luck with your life.

move to another town

Anonymous wrote:And since you seem hung up on it: I haven't had sex with anyone but my husband in like two decades and counting, so you don't need to take your open marriage hate out on me, a random on an anon board.

You may need to take it to a therapist, though. Nobody happy goes around judging randoms like that.

That's exactly what DCUM is here for!

You're defending open marriage with zero experience of actually being in one, then? Maybe you need to take that to a therapist and figure out why you're so interested in the positives of these arrangements you don't have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is young and single. Its a problem!

Unless you are married, how so?

I'm married.

Age gap? Gender?

Big age gap. He's younger but it seems to be a mutual crush. I'm trying to avoid him. We don't work in the same department.