Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I honestly don’t think I can handle this. I’ve just finally started my life outside of the caretaking of our children back up again. Our kids are older and more responsible, but still never will be “easy” children. They are very opinionated, sensitive and stubborn too.. I have taken on other adult responsibilities.

I wanted to be that go to favorite aunt, so yes I go the extra mile. But now I’m just older, in my 50s and I’m tired. All our kids are gifted, which brings extra challenges. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, and I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted.

I feel disappointed in myself for failing to meet their expectations and my own expectations.

It also didn’t help that this was just a “pleasure” trip for the parents. And part of me is disappointed in myself that I felt guilted into it and didn’t know my limits.

I mean nothing terrible happened. I just feel utterly drained, exhausted, and resentful, and I feel like a crappy person for not having warm and fuzzy feelings toward my nephew after a week of dealing with his shenanigans.

And to top it off, everybody here is dumping on me about how dense I am and unreasonable I am.

You sound like an enormous drama queen. Not cut out for what? For watching your 4 year old nephew while also raising your own kids? You get that most people would simply not do this right? I have 6 nieces and nephews and I've babysat for all of them but I wouldn't have had any of them to stay with us for a week at age 4 because it just sounds like a bad idea.

They can't force you to watch their kid. Just say no. You are acting like a martyr -- making a huge deal out of wanting to do this and then dramatically complaining that it's too much. And then sitting around complaining about how they are terrible parents and so your unhappiness with this situation that you 100% chose for yourself is entirely their fault.

Just don't do this again. The end problem solved.

But you don't have to sit around criticizing ALL only children or parents of only children to try and make yourself feel better. Guess what some people have onlies because they have secondary infertility and can't have additional children. Other people stop at one for financial reasons or because they discover they have limits and don't think they can parent additional children well. Lots of only children are wonderful and lots of parents of only children are working hard to set limits and give their kids what they need (including saying no and teaching them to play well with others). Just because you had a bad week with your nephew is not a reason to go posting on the internet about how all only kids must be terrors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and he doesn’t act like this at all. Because we don’t allow that behavior. Meanwhile I know plenty of kids with siblings who kick, punch, yell at and throw things. Because their parents don’t do anything to mitigate that behavior.

PP here, I am one of three kids and my older brother was a nightmare and terrorized me and my younger brother. Hittin, kicking, throwing things, etc. My parents didn’t do anything to change that behavior, and it followed him into adulthood. Guess which two siblings still talk to each other?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I honestly don’t think I can handle this. I’ve just finally started my life outside of the caretaking of our children back up again. Our kids are older and more responsible, but still never will be “easy” children. They are very opinionated, sensitive and stubborn too.. I have taken on other adult responsibilities.

I wanted to be that go to favorite aunt, so yes I go the extra mile. But now I’m just older, in my 50s and I’m tired. All our kids are gifted, which brings extra challenges. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, and I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted.

I feel disappointed in myself for failing to meet their expectations and my own expectations.

It also didn’t help that this was just a “pleasure” trip for the parents. And part of me is disappointed in myself that I felt guilted into it and didn’t know my limits.

I mean nothing terrible happened. I just feel utterly drained, exhausted, and resentful, and I feel like a crappy person for not having warm and fuzzy feelings toward my nephew after a week of dealing with his shenanigans.

And to top it off, everybody here is dumping on me about how dense I am and unreasonable I am.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I honestly don’t think I can handle this. I’ve just finally started my life outside of the caretaking of our children back up again. Our kids are older and more responsible, but still never will be “easy” children. They are very opinionated, sensitive and stubborn too.. I have taken on other adult responsibilities.

I wanted to be that go to favorite aunt, so yes I go the extra mile. But now I’m just older, in my 50s and I’m tired. All our kids are gifted, which brings extra challenges. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, and I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted.

I feel disappointed in myself for failing to meet their expectations and my own expectations.

It also didn’t help that this was just a “pleasure” trip for the parents. And part of me is disappointed in myself that I felt guilted into it and didn’t know my limits.

I mean nothing terrible happened. I just feel utterly drained, exhausted, and resentful, and I feel like a crappy person for not having warm and fuzzy feelings toward my nephew after a week of dealing with his shenanigans.

And to top it off, everybody here is dumping on me about how dense I am and unreasonable I am.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?

A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.

That's debatable.

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and he doesn’t act like this at all. Because we don’t allow that behavior. Meanwhile I know plenty of kids with siblings who kick, punch, yell at and throw things. Because their parents don’t do anything to mitigate that behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and he doesn’t act like this at all. Because we don’t allow that behavior. Meanwhile I know plenty of kids with siblings who kick, punch, yell at and throw things. Because their parents don’t do anything to mitigate that behavior.

It sounds like he is constantly in physical altercations with other kids at his preschool. By his account, he never hits, but a couple other kids are “trying to kill him” and kicking him 5x a day. Obviously some hyperbole there but you get the gist. He also gets into physical fights with his other cousins who are closer in age.

Anonymous wrote:No, its parenting. My only doesn't behave like that but I feel bad for your kids if you just expect them to fit in and go with your flow and no individual attention or needs met. He's 4, in a different home and needs more attention, support and direction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

I’m actually really unsure of how our kids should handle his misbehavior.

They are older and bigger so I tell them they can’t just hit him back. Plus we have a strict no hitting or hurting people rule in our house.

They have asked me what they are supposed to do when he starts getting mean and beating up on them.

If I have my eyes on him obviously I intervene. But if I don’t, how should I advise them to handle the situation?

I didn’t answer their question because I didn’t know the right answer.

Bumping this as I really am seeking an answer for this specific question.

You need to model how to do it when you intervene. I would take his hands and hold them firmly (but not too firmly) and make eye contact and say clearly "No hitting. We don't hit." And then move past it. An older kid should be able to do this with a 4 yo as long as it's just like "pesky little bro" aggression and the kid isn't out of control or anything.

I would also tell them to simply remove themselves from the situation as an alternative. If he starts hitting they can just get up and say "I don't want to play if you are hitting."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?

A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.

Two weeks is a crazy amount of time. A week ok, but two weeks is pure selfish.

Is it? My BIL just got diagnosed with cancer and my parents are displaced from a hurricane. Our kid is older but I could TOTALLY see a situation where DH and I both need to be gone for a week or two. With a 4 yo you might not have school as a barrier, but in my case, you might also not want to bring them into either situation. Don't judge until you know all the facts. The OP's family is blessed to have them as a resource.

Anonymous wrote:No, its parenting. My only doesn't behave like that but I feel bad for your kids if you just expect them to fit in and go with your flow and no individual attention or needs met. He's 4, in a different home and needs more attention, support and direction.

Anonymous wrote:DCUM: don’t take toddlers on international flights but also don’t leave them at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My immediate reaction is this kid is not neurotypical.

Same. And that aunt is super dense to not realize it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are his parents for an entire WEEK?

A week isn’t that long. We’ve been leaving my now 3 year old with his grandmother for two weeks at a time since he was 9 months old. It’s fine.