Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s horrible. It will only get worse if you stay. Lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting.

+1. He may be cheating. My DH started acting like this when he started having an affair and we’re now divorcing. Consider yourself lucky, you dodged a bullet since you aren’t married.
Go find yourself a nice stable man

There are two issues. One, he wants to marry a fellow traveler. I get that. In olden days, the conventional wisdom was to be skeptical about dating Jewish men because this preference often won in the end.

The second issue is the gaslighting and bad behavior. This guy, for whatever reason, is a mess. Run away.

Do not ever marry this person or be tempted to get back with him.

He is projecting his trauma onto you and will continue to do so when things are stressful for him. This is a psychological issue that has nothing to do with you. Drop him ASAP and never look back.

— divorced after 18 years with someone with this issue, similar situation.

Anonymous wrote:Well two years, age 25, in love, lots of great memories, trips, trials and tribulations. I said I’d convert, went on a long business trip and have some of the craziest emails ever from him.

He says we are great but he can’t date a non Jew. He accuses me of not being supportive enough when he or his family suffer antisemitism. Not sure where that’s coming from, he tells some stories from once in awhile, I listen and agree. He tells me I must have “milked antisemitism from my upbringing but don’t realize it.” He said his father says my last name was nasty to Jews back in Poland.

He’s really going out with a bang and rewriting the narrative.

Is this a defense mechanism to make me give up or dislike him? Before I thought this was going to work out or be some tragic Romeo& Juliet breakup. He’s not an a-hole at all but seems to be trying that angle.

I guess it’s working because now I don’t want to raise children with the same hate and assumptions that he has about others.

Break up. This is not the right man for you. You know this.

OP, this is about him, not you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

Oh look, it's the "sweetie" poster. Every time I read "sweetie" I ignore whatever is said.

+1,000,000 Me too. Or "oh, honey" ... so condescending.

Also the "tale as old as time" poster. Probably the same poster. Why use so many cliched phrases?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

Oh look, it's the "sweetie" poster. Every time I read "sweetie" I ignore whatever is said.

+1,000,000 Me too. Or "oh, honey" ... so condescending.

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

it makes HIM a bad person. someone that bases their relationships on their mothers fairytales.

He’s nuts!!

Nice to meet you, then block and delete. Set yourself free!

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are 25. This situation will never have a happy ending. Cut him loose. This doesn’t make anyone a bad person, just different.

I agree only partially here.

I do think the boyfriend is a bad person for the way he is treating the OP regarding these matters.

Anonymous wrote:He’s horrible. It will only get worse if you stay. Lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting.

+1. He may be cheating. My DH started acting like this when he started having an affair and we’re now divorcing. Consider yourself lucky, you dodged a bullet since you aren’t married.
Go find yourself a nice stable man

OP I'm sorry he's doing this to you. Around that age I was in love with my boyfriend. He was incredibly jealous and insecure, and would get mad at me for not telling him where I was. Then he ended up cheating on me, and cried when he told me. He was a mess and sabotaging the relationship. We got in touch years later platonically and no hard feelings. We were just young.

Your boyfriend is young and doesn't know what he wants. One day he'll look back at this and realize he was a jerk. It sucks for you but just let him go. It doesn't make sense.

Tell him you're pregnant and ghost him

He's just nuts. This won't end well. You are 25. Get out there and find another guy.

* And I am Jewish.

Tale old as time. Devout parents are upset their child isn’t paired up with someone of the same [insert faith/culture]. They have used your time abroad to wheedle their son to viewing you as less than because you are not part of their esteemed group. And current events have given his dad the catalyst to get your boyfriend riled up and defensive. The stereotyping based upon your last name is the cherry on top.

Sorry, but your boyfriend is still acting like an child under his parents’ control. And in reality many 25 year old guys aren’t ready to settle down yet, so this gives him the perfect “out” where he gets to write the narrative of himself as the victim. Chef’s kiss for doing it over email when you’re halfway around the world. He really is a little chickenshit.

Enjoy your time in Japan free of this deadweight. I would not spend too much time grieving the end of a relationship with someone who could casually accuse me of anti semtism via email after years of dating. Thank goodness he showed this side of himself now.

I'm sorry this happened to you. He must be going through a hard time but seems like he is being pressured by his family. Some people become very unstable under stress. It's not your fault.

He showed his colors early, before you got too invested. Unfortunately he is not the right person for you. Grieve but it's time to let go.