Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

Tell him to prepare to toil until he drops dead. She will stop working the remaining of his days the minute that pregnancy test pops positive. Probably demand 3-4 kids so "it would be too expensive to go back to work".

Her plan is man, which, in this case, is your son.

+1 I tell both my kids -- DS and DD-- that a man is not a plan.

I would seriously be worried for my DS in this situation. If the situation was reversed, everyone on here would call the underemployed man a bum.

-signed a mom

+1

No child of my son or daughter would get advice from me that this is in anyway a good idea. I tell them to find their financial equals. That means equivalent earning potential and equivalent inheritance (not totally necessary, but a bonus). My kids are still in college/ HS, but will likely be a doctor, a lawyer, and 2 engineers. All of them will have about a $5M inheritance.

I wouldn't say anything. My own kid is 26, has a degree and is doing federal government work related to her degree. It just happens to be work that is often low-paying and seasonal for people early in their careers. She just has to keep at it even if long term she's looking at a GS 13 (the horror! DH and I are both feds and not impoverished).

She is not looking for a man to support her and certainly not looking to be a SAHM!

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

Its worrisome but what can you do? He is an adult, if he wants to marry her, he would. She is his age group, pretty, nice, college educated and employed so there are many positives. Hopefully doesn't have debt.

It is up to them.

They may not share your values.

This would not be my main concern in assessing a potential spouse (of either gender).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world needs teachers and social workers. You sound like a snob.

This lady isn't a teacher or social worker though.

what does she do?

Your son is an adult and unless you want to alienate him and your future DIL you cannot say one negative word about her or their choices. Play the long game and prioritize your relationships. Get to know her and find a way to like her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I didn't have a career at that age. We married when we were both 26. I found one and have had 4 kids. I make about 300k more than my DH.

Guess what -- my MIL still thinks he takes care of the family since he went to a T10 college
and has been in the same "career" snce we married. It makes us both giggle now 27 years later.

Are you for real? What do you do to earn so much money?

Pharma sales! My bonus many times is much as his salary as a Fed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world needs teachers and social workers. You sound like a snob.

This lady isn't a teacher or social worker though.

+1 having a career that does not pay much is one thing

Not doing much just sounds like a dud - it would be hard for me to view as an equal partner to your DS. She's ready to stop working and never go back. Is that okay with him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world needs teachers and social workers. You sound like a snob.

This lady isn't a teacher or social worker though.

what does she do?

Anonymous wrote:OP I didn't have a career at that age. We married when we were both 26. I found one and have had 4 kids. I make about 300k more than my DH.

Guess what -- my MIL still thinks he takes care of the family since he went to a T10 college
and has been in the same "career" snce we married. It makes us both giggle now 27 years later.

Are you for real? What do you do to earn so much money?

Anonymous wrote:That was me 30 years ago. Except no fiancé, lol. I finally found work that I enjoyed and have a solid career now, making a smidge over $100k. Some people take awhile to find their footing. It sounds like she works, which is good. If she’s a solid person, I’d be happy for him.

+100

It took me a while to find my thing too.

Anonymous wrote:If my daughter wanted to marry a career less guy in his late 20s making minimum wage…I would tell her the same thing I would tell your son. Their choice but while love might seem like all you need now, having a partner who can’t adult will wear you down in the long run.

Who said she "can't adult"?

Anonymous wrote:Some of you people are the absolute worst.

If your son loves her, and she's a good person- let them figure it out and be supportive.

Not everyone is old money.

eh. I'm an immigrant, grew up lower income. I would not want my DS to marry an underemployed woman in her late 20s. If she is working on her career or masters, that's one thing, but if she just chooses to work a low level, easy job because she doesn't want to work too hard, and especially if she likes to shop, then I'd be worried for my kid.

It's people old money who wouldn't care about the woman's finances so much.

Anonymous wrote:The world needs teachers and social workers. You sound like a snob.

This lady isn't a teacher or social worker though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

Tell him to prepare to toil until he drops dead. She will stop working the remaining of his days the minute that pregnancy test pops positive. Probably demand 3-4 kids so "it would be too expensive to go back to work".

Her plan is man, which, in this case, is your son.

+1 I tell both my kids -- DS and DD-- that a man is not a plan.

I would seriously be worried for my DS in this situation. If the situation was reversed, everyone on here would call the underemployed man a bum.

-signed a mom