Anonymous wrote:Family means nothing these days unless it’s convenient and fun for you. What an embarrassingly childish and selfish culture.

Or you can respect your family members and not expect them to mill about your toddlers bday party making small talk with the random parents from your kids day care and instead throw a separate family gathering where they can spend time and give attention to the actual kid they are there for and catch up with their family members and enjoy the family togetherness you’re emphasizing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that people are saying she should attend if it’s the first birthday. No way that matters to a baby.

+100

Not sure why I go to my friend's kids 1st bday party at all.

It doesn't matter to the baby but it matters to the parents! Is part of OP's relationship with these relatives. Some people are so extreme in their self-focus "what's best for me" lens for everything.

I agree with other PPs that it matters more if it's a milestone birthday or a family-centered party (not expecting childless adults to come to JumpZone or whatever).

Op, will the godfather be there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on your side OP. She didn't even get the invite yet for the friend's party. Or she could attend both parties.
My SIL tried to skip out on our son's baptism because it was her friend's birthday. I don't know what FIL said to her but she ended up attending for an hour or so. YES I was offended that she was planning not to come! Your flesh and blood, a sweet baby who will hopefully look up to you someday, should mean more to you than yet another bar crawl with your friends. This would have been absolutely unheard of in my family.
Some of these people are really full of

Op here. This is exactly how I feel. I just don’t get it.

NP and no one is saying they shouldn’t be involved in their life. But a friends birthday would come before the kid’s birthday. I’ll go against the others and include the 1st birthday too. That’s completely for the parents. I have close relationships with my relatives and I don’t ever remember if they were at my birthday parties. I remember them being at plenty of other things. It would have meant more to me for me to have them come to the school play or see me at a soccer game.

We celebrate young and old and our celebrations are inclusive with entertainment, lots of food and drinks.

But it is also cultural for us. We have been socialized from childhood to be there for everyone. Does it inconvenience us sometimes? Sure. But we still know the protocol and show up. And once we show up, we enjoy ourselves.

Honestly…I don’t really blame her. The reality is if she attends every birthday, every this or that until she has a kid of her own, we all know there will be no reciprocation because op will be too busy, no longer interested in that younger stage, and the aunt will be left disappointed she missed out on stuff with her friends and wasted all those Saturdays on dumb kid parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on your side OP. She didn't even get the invite yet for the friend's party. Or she could attend both parties.
My SIL tried to skip out on our son's baptism because it was her friend's birthday. I don't know what FIL said to her but she ended up attending for an hour or so. YES I was offended that she was planning not to come! Your flesh and blood, a sweet baby who will hopefully look up to you someday, should mean more to you than yet another bar crawl with your friends. This would have been absolutely unheard of in my family.
Some of these people are really full of

Op here. This is exactly how I feel. I just don’t get it.

Friendship is a mutual choice to be there for each other. A longstanding friendship is way more important than somebody else's kid, who may or may not care that you're present.

Also, "flesh and blood"?? Turn the situation around and imagine the aunt is demanding access to the nephew because they're flesh and blood: that would sound crazy.

Family means nothing these days unless it’s convenient and fun for you. What an embarrassingly childish and selfish culture.

No.

Does the kid care?

Anonymous wrote:I never understand why parents expect other adults to show up to a kids bday party. If you want to do a family thing, do a family dinner at a restaurant or just invite them over for another round of cake at a time its convenient for them - but no you should absolutely not expect an aunt to prioritize milling about at a kids bday party

Seriously. These parents are so clueless. Who the f wants to be at a kid’s birthday party? Signed - a mother!

Why would she? Maybe a 1st bday but I can't imagine the timing that competing for an adult bday.

Where's the godfather? Will he be there?

Anonymous wrote:Weird that people are saying she should attend if it’s the first birthday. No way that matters to a baby.

+100

Not sure why I go to my friend's kids 1st bday party at all.

Anonymous wrote:I'm on your side OP. She didn't even get the invite yet for the friend's party. Or she could attend both parties.
My SIL tried to skip out on our son's baptism because it was her friend's birthday. I don't know what FIL said to her but she ended up attending for an hour or so. YES I was offended that she was planning not to come! Your flesh and blood, a sweet baby who will hopefully look up to you someday, should mean more to you than yet another bar crawl with your friends. This would have been absolutely unheard of in my family.
Some of these people are really full of

Op here. This is exactly how I feel. I just don’t get it.