Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another DH with mental health issues
Every day we have such a post

No one wants to admit it, but most men are simply not built to handle the complexities of home management and child rearing. It involves too many balls in the air. They are better suited to singular focus. But since we now require "equality" we pathologize men when they struggle.

If women can do it, so can men.

They’d rather dump on their mom and wife.

We have been divorced for 2 years and live together. That's an option to consider if you are not planning to be in a serious relationship or get remarried. We have 6 years to go. We have a bigger house though and I converted our shed into a man's cave. I hardly see my ex wife. We communicated via texts and just for kids stuff.

Anonymous wrote:I'm here too OP. We mostly ignore each other but occasionally blow up. My kid is happy and healthy and sees us both daily. It is what is.

Sounds like an awful place for your kid to live but ok.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another DH with mental health issues
Every day we have such a post

No one wants to admit it, but most men are simply not built to handle the complexities of home management and child rearing. It involves too many balls in the air. They are better suited to singular focus. But since we now require "equality" we pathologize men when they struggle.

If women can do it, so can men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 years?!

Sometimes, this is what "prioritizing the children's best interests" looks like.

I'm still married on paper. We live essentially separate lives in separate houses. It's less than ideal, but it preserves our children's quality of life, allowing their childhood to be about them being children, not collateral damage in a war between their parents.

I'd divorce my spouse today if doing so wouldn't throw my children's lives into financial chaos and upheaval, but it would. So we make do. Sometimes, loving someone means doing what's best for them instead of what's easiest for me.

But you're already supporting two households - isn't that generally the financial issue? What would change if you got divorced?

Amazingly he’ll fly into a scary, screaming rage when asked where his keys are, and then late that night later ask for relations.

Psychotic.

Anonymous wrote:8 more years for me. Then I will no longer have to deal with DH’s untreated ADHD and his lack of emotional self control.

Same.

Already met with lawyers and psychologists who specialize in his profile. All bad options. Divorce and coparenting would be hell. Kid 1 has same disorders so two households would be chaotic on them.

We are together but separate, he likes to be left alone to piddle around on screens. Same as the last 10 years. But I stopped trying to get him involved in life.

He doesn’t care about us, and now we don’t care about him.

Adhd symptoms (confusion, impulsivity, inattentiveness, hyperactivity, crashes/ lows/ highs, emotional dysregulation) need to be managed BEFORE they result in anxiety or depression, as well as the aforementioned symptoms.

If never treated, yet still trying to be in personal or professional settings on a daily basis, the really maladaptive coping methods developed over childhood and beyond absolutely can look like pathological lying, bipolar, borderline, schizophrenia, dementia, narcissism, etc.

Many simply Opt Out of careers or long term relationships. Others get professional help many dunno thing but their self-taught positive or negative coping methods.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 years is long enough to get help for ADHD. Since most people seem to have no sympathy for this disability, a majoroty of people with ADHD have other comorbidities like anxiety and depression so maybe you could offer some compassion as a different way to approach your situation?

The underlying comorbidities of ADHD are ASD, bipolar, and borderline.

The second order condition of abated ADHD and the above are anxiety and/or depression.

To get healthy and functional one must treat the underlying Dx. You can take some pills for anxiety or depression, but that won’t solve the actual issue which is the ADHD, ASD, BPD, etc.

What an ignorant load of crap!

I'm here too OP. We mostly ignore each other but occasionally blow up. My kid is happy and healthy and sees us both daily. It is what is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 years?!

Sometimes, this is what "prioritizing the children's best interests" looks like.

I'm still married on paper. We live essentially separate lives in separate houses. It's less than ideal, but it preserves our children's quality of life, allowing their childhood to be about them being children, not collateral damage in a war between their parents.

I'd divorce my spouse today if doing so wouldn't throw my children's lives into financial chaos and upheaval, but it would. So we make do. Sometimes, loving someone means doing what's best for them instead of what's easiest for me.

No loving your children is not staying in a bad marriage you tho k they aren’t messed up because you stay lol dumb

The fact of the matter is, if your father is a selfish mentally disordered person you, as a child, will suffer whether he’s a divorced coparent deadbeat or a married deadbeat.

In fact, you will suffer until you cut him off entirely, set strong boundaries, or he dies.

Real. Fscking. Talk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 years?!

Sometimes, this is what "prioritizing the children's best interests" looks like.

I'm still married on paper. We live essentially separate lives in separate houses. It's less than ideal, but it preserves our children's quality of life, allowing their childhood to be about them being children, not collateral damage in a war between their parents.

I'd divorce my spouse today if doing so wouldn't throw my children's lives into financial chaos and upheaval, but it would. So we make do. Sometimes, loving someone means doing what's best for them instead of what's easiest for me.

You really aren’t doing your children any favors by modeling such a messed up relationship.

this is something wealthy people say. Those of us who grew up in poverty understand that "relationship modeling" is an upper-pyramid luxury, and "food and rent" is a necessity.

Would it be ideal to have both? Absolutely. But the reality is that sometimes, you don't get a happy relationship, but you can keep the lights on and the kids clothed and fed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another DH with mental health issues
Every day we have such a post

I gues in SICKNESS and in health isn't a vow people keep anymore.

"Sickness" doesn't mean "I know I have this, and I do nothing about it." I can only take care of you to the extent you take care of yourself. If your liver is cirrhotic, but you insist on drinking to excess, I can't magically love you through that. The kindest thing I can do is let you make your own decisions while running damage control for myself and the rest of our family, because that "sickness and health" thing goes both ways. I'm not obligated to make myself sick taking care of you while you make yourself sick.

If you're sick in the head, it works the same way. You need to be working on your mental health, analyzing your behavior, committed to regular therapy, support groups, 12-step programs, peer counseling, etc. It's not my job to simply accept that you're "sick" and not doing a damned thing to protect and respect your own health, nor is it my obligation to ruin my mental health doing more for you/us than you're willing to do.

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife said she would divorce me when the youngest turned 18. I beat her to the punch by 12 years. Best decision I ever made.

Treating this like a "win" when you blew up your kid's childhood.

I assure you, she's better off.

Anonymous wrote:8 years is long enough to get help for ADHD. Since most people seem to have no sympathy for this disability, a majoroty of people with ADHD have other comorbidities like anxiety and depression so maybe you could offer some compassion as a different way to approach your situation?

The underlying comorbidities of ADHD are ASD, bipolar, and borderline.

The second order condition of abated ADHD and the above are anxiety and/or depression.

To get healthy and functional one must treat the underlying Dx. You can take some pills for anxiety or depression, but that won’t solve the actual issue which is the ADHD, ASD, BPD, etc.