Anonymous wrote:I’m doing a frozen embryo transfer, so we can choose the date.

On the one hand, I have been waiting so long and we don’t know if it will work, so I’m inclined to transfer as soon as possible (Nov).

On the other hand, an August birthday means that I am “holding them back” for school.

You had better believe that I would never send a child 2 weeks from the cut-off!

Should I just transfer in December and avoid the controversy?

Depends on your age. Generally, I agree August birthdays are not the greatest. September is a very popular month to be born in so I would wait and transfer in December.

If you can't conceive naturally, then why are you so sure you could gestate the full 9 months? I would wait until February, that way if you give birth prematurely, you would still be after the cut off most likely (assuming a standard Sept 1 cut off like the majority of states).

Most privates are cool with redshirting, so an August bday is not the end of the world.

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing a frozen embryo transfer, so we can choose the date.

On the one hand, I have been waiting so long and we don’t know if it will work, so I’m inclined to transfer as soon as possible (Nov).

On the other hand, an August birthday means that I am “holding them back” for school.

You had better believe that I would never send a child 2 weeks from the cut-off!

Should I just transfer in December and avoid the controversy?

Your child is going to be f'ed with such a control freak for a mother that it doesn't matter when you implant them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

I have a DD born in August. She is now 16. Her preK teacher said she was ready to go to K, academically. And she was; she was reading above grade level.

But, what I didn't know was that she would be a late bloomer. That has impacted her in every way probably starting in 4th grade.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but if you have any late bloomers in the family, that increases the chance of your kid being a late bloomer, and that may hinder them. It did for my DC.

Her immaturity eventually even hindered her academics. She wasn't ready for the high test stakes AP, PSAT, etc.. from a maturity stand point. She did ok, but I think if she had another year to mature, she would've done better.

She could've used another year in prek to mature a bit socially, emotionally, etc..

PP here.. I was also a late bloomer, birthdate was right on the cut off but was not held back, and in hindsight, I could've used another year, too, to mature. I also struggled socially and emotionally, though not academically. I would not discount the social/emotional aspects of being younger.

I was never for holding back. I have an older DC who has a June birthday, and we didn't hold them back either. But, they too were a late bloomer and had some social/emotional immaturity that impacted their relationships with their peers, though they did great academically. Academics was never the issue for any of us.

Of course, at some point in life, it all evens out, but those 4th grade to 11th grade years were harder than it could've been.

Yep. I have a late July boy who was sent on time. In the end, it turned out FINE. He's 24 now, good job/college grad, steady GF, etc. But..whew...those late elementary/middle/early high school years were rough. I think if we could have spared ourselves from some of that, that would have been much better.

I have an August 25th baby. If I really got to pick, it would not be my preferred time to have a baby. It was pretty clear that he was NOT ready to go to K as a four year old so the decision wasn't actually that hard...but it was still something we had to think about. Plus that's an extra year of daycare/preschool $$.

But the bigger reason, honestly, is that being hugely pregnant throughout the summer in the humid swamp that is known as Washington, DC is a major PITA.

My other kid was a mid-January baby, and that was great! Right in the middle of the pack age wise for school, not pregnant in the dead of summer, snuggling with a newborn in the winter is so nice...and then by the time you are ready to go out and do things the weather is starting to get nice! Plus it is nice to have an almost one-year-old during the holidays!

Anonymous wrote:It depends.

I have a DD born in August. She is now 16. Her preK teacher said she was ready to go to K, academically. And she was; she was reading above grade level.

But, what I didn't know was that she would be a late bloomer. That has impacted her in every way probably starting in 4th grade.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but if you have any late bloomers in the family, that increases the chance of your kid being a late bloomer, and that may hinder them. It did for my DC.

Her immaturity eventually even hindered her academics. She wasn't ready for the high test stakes AP, PSAT, etc.. from a maturity stand point. She did ok, but I think if she had another year to mature, she would've done better.

She could've used another year in prek to mature a bit socially, emotionally, etc..

PP here.. I was also a late bloomer, birthdate was right on the cut off but was not held back, and in hindsight, I could've used another year, too, to mature. I also struggled socially and emotionally, though not academically. I would not discount the social/emotional aspects of being younger.

I was never for holding back. I have an older DC who has a June birthday, and we didn't hold them back either. But, they too were a late bloomer and had some social/emotional immaturity that impacted their relationships with their peers, though they did great academically. Academics was never the issue for any of us.

Of course, at some point in life, it all evens out, but those 4th grade to 11th grade years were harder than it could've been.

It depends.

I have a DD born in August. She is now 16. Her preK teacher said she was ready to go to K, academically. And she was; she was reading above grade level.

But, what I didn't know was that she would be a late bloomer. That has impacted her in every way probably starting in 4th grade.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but if you have any late bloomers in the family, that increases the chance of your kid being a late bloomer, and that may hinder them. It did for my DC.

Her immaturity eventually even hindered her academics. She wasn't ready for the high test stakes AP, PSAT, etc.. from a maturity stand point. She did ok, but I think if she had another year to mature, she would've done better.

She could've used another year in prek to mature a bit socially, emotionally, etc..

A few thoughts:

1. As someone who went through IVF, I think you should take whatever control and decision making back that you can/want to. Infertility takes so much from us that if you want to make the choice to try to plan the birthday, then do it. It's harmless and if it helps you emotionally, all the better.
2. Unless you have some emergent health issue, it truly doesn't matter if you transfer now or three months from now. Your embryos are going to be the same quality and your uterus isn't going to shrivel up over a few months.
3. My kids (one IVF baby) have winter birthdays and that's perfect for school cut offs. Slightly older for the grade, but not the oldest or youngest in the class. Some to most kids do fine as the youngest in the grade, but some do struggle. I was the youngest and it was fine and successful by all measures, but can see my relative immaturity with hindsight and it definitely made things harder than they had to be all through school and college. But if you'd hold an August back anyways, does it matter on what side of the cut off they're born?
4. See 1. above, but none of this is a guarantee. You could push the transfer a month and not have it stick anyways. Or end up with an early baby born in August or earlier. So try to time it if you want, but don't be surprised or disappointed if it doesn't work out that way.

Either way, good luck to you!

eh. Two weeks before the cutoff just hold back if you want to. I’m due with a December baby 12 days before NY cutoffs and I plan to hold back.

Do you really want a Leo? Or a Virgo honestly. A few months doesn't matter - I'd hold off for a Scorpio or Sag.

My late August boy went on time and is in advanced placement in school and plays two travel sports. He is very successful. That said, it was stressful to know at age 4 if we were making the righr decision. Honestly given the chance I would avoid August birthdays but I wouldn't make it my sole decision in life. It's not really a big deal.

I do really hate having to plan August birthday parties. Between the end of summer, start of school, and labor day travel, its always a hassle. And you cant invite the whole class in younger years because you dont even know who is in the class yet.

Anonymous wrote:If you are doing iVF, carrying a baby to term and having a healthy, happy child is all that matters. It was so hard for me, I could care less what her effing birthday was. I was just happy she was birthed.

So many factors affect a pregnant. Worrying about what month she was born was the last thing on my mind. Priorities!

Yeah having done IVF I can't believe someone is already focused on redshirting before an embryo transfer.

- November baby (me) who started K at 4 and excelled academically

No I wouldn’t. Worry about school as kindergarten approaches- that is years away.

The redshirting issue obviously varies based on region/area. DCUM is not RL. I’d say that about half of the summer birthday kids we know are redshirted (skewed heavily toward the boys). It is a non issue.

This is a weird focus for someone who is not a parent yet. As an older mom it never crossed my mind to try to optimize birth month. Two of my kids are summer babies, one late July. You deal with it when it happens and you get to know your child.

Another mom with a perfectly fine August boy. I would hold back in your case though because it's already causing you so much stress. I have met plenty of old-for grade boys who are small or immature too.