Anonymous
09/16/2024 16:50
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Let me start off my saying I’m somewhat of a health nut. I try to eat clean and mainly use whole, organic ingredients. I’m not a good cook but I’d rather eat something that is healthy for sustenance than something that is delicious but unhealthy. Stuff I make at home are usual stir fries with veggies and lean meat, baked chicken, marinated pork chops with veggies, and soups and stews with tons of veggies and lean meat.
My husband on the other hand loves junk food. He is in his 40s but still enjoys McDonalds. He goes to places like Burger King, 5 guys, Buffalo Wild Wings, and papa John’s multiple times a week. At the risk of sound like a snob, I never ate at places like that before meeting him. To me it’s junk food filled with empty calories, bad oils, and low quality ingredients. He also enjoys higher quality restaurants like the Great American chains where he can get ribs, burgers and steaks there but it’s not feasible for our budget and schedule to get takeout from restaurants like that everyday.
As far as fast food goes, I’m okay with getting Chipotle, kabobs from Moby Dicks and Panda Express maybe 2-3x a week. That’s something my husband and I can eat together. I like going out to eat too but I prefer sushi and lighter fares like Thai. I just can’t stand eating greasy fried carb rich foods and fatty meats all the time, but that’s what my husband wants most of the time. Basically, my husband thinks restaurants like True Food Kitchen is disgusting but I really appreciate a restaurant that serves up ultra healthy foods even though it may not taste as good as a regular restaurant.
To make matters worse my 2 year old son is also an extremely picky eater. Some days he’ll only eat crackers. I try to cook healthy foods for him like meatballs in homemade marinara sauce filled with veggies, chilis, fresh banana pancakes, etc but it gets rejected most of the time which is extremely frustrating but at least I will eat the stuff I make so it doesn’t go to waste. My husband will not eat the stuff I cook for my son because it’s too bland and “healthy” so often times he’ll order pizza and wings instead.
Sorry for the long rant but I guess I just feel grossed out by how unhealthy my husband eats and I also feel rejected that he won’t eat the food I cook 90% of the time. Should I try to cater my cooking to suit him better? However I want my toddler to eat healthy too so my recipes will be on the clean side and it’s exhausting enough trying to cook something my toddler will eat let alone my husband. I don’t want to have to cook something separate for my husband and have him reject it too so he’s been getting takeout almost every meal everyday and I feel kinda guilty about how much junk he’s eating.
To top it off, he’s also goes off and on this keto diet where he only eats meat so he’s getting ribs, wings, burger patties and chik fila salads and fried chicken all the time. When he’s off the diet he just wants to splurge and tells me to pick up cakes, donuts, pizzas, and all kinds of junk for him when I go shopping and I feel like an enabler. I just feel disgusted (am I being judgmental because I’m sort of a health nut?), exasperated and i don't know what to do.
Maybe you could hire a personal chef? It sounds like you just aren't a great cook and do not have a lot of time/inclination to learn to improve. My children and spouse always ate the same meal. It wasn't a big production. We usually used staff or on occasion I would cook.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 14:41
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
I think you have a marriage problem, not a food problem, OP. I get it because we are in a similar situation. My DH cannot cook, literally ate out every meal before he met me; I was a vegetarian for a long time, love to cook and bake everything. We have three boys. Our way to deal with this is that we eat healthy on weekdays (home cooked dinner, pack lunch for school, no restaurants, no desserts) but we eat whatever we want on the weekends.
DH has yearly blood work and his cholesterol has dropped MAJORLY since we got married. We get our yearly blood work done at the same and compete.
But I’ll add one more thing, my DH has very good manners. Whatever I make, everyone eats with very limited modifications. (5 year old DS doesn’t like food touching, or 3 year old DS might get some blueberries added to his dinner) Our family rule is that I prepare the dinner and everyone can eat however much they want with no comment. So if DS5 only eats the rice, whatever. If DS3 picks out all the chicken, okay. My DH always models politeness to the boys by saying thank you for cooking, etc. I have one memory of one kid making a fuss about not liking something and DH made him leave the table and apologize upon return.
DH has yearly blood work and his cholesterol has dropped MAJORLY since we got married. We get our yearly blood work done at the same and compete.
But I’ll add one more thing, my DH has very good manners. Whatever I make, everyone eats with very limited modifications. (5 year old DS doesn’t like food touching, or 3 year old DS might get some blueberries added to his dinner) Our family rule is that I prepare the dinner and everyone can eat however much they want with no comment. So if DS5 only eats the rice, whatever. If DS3 picks out all the chicken, okay. My DH always models politeness to the boys by saying thank you for cooking, etc. I have one memory of one kid making a fuss about not liking something and DH made him leave the table and apologize upon return.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 14:34
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
OP, there is SO MUCH good food that you all can eat based on what you’ve posted. Cheese, butter, and olive oil? And ribeyes? Hello steak Alfredo. With whole wheat noodles, natch. What about burger salads? Tex Mex at home? Meatloaf with orzo and roasted veggies? Roasted chicken (season it LIBERALLY- there is so much out there that isn’t salt), sweet potatoes, and sautéed spinach.
Ok. As I type this out…y’all definitely have a relationship problem.
Ok. As I type this out…y’all definitely have a relationship problem.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 11:54
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband has a masters in engineering and can think logically. I really don’t understand why he eats so much shitty food. It might be stubbornness, willful ignorance, or a disdain for “hippy granola types” (my words not his). I’ve told him many times what I thought of his diet and seems like it made him double down. I think his family all ate whatever they wanted, smoked and drank heavily and stayed reasonably fit due to genes and haven’t died early. Maybe he associates eating healthy to weakness or he’s in denial about how terrible is diet is and just don’t want to give up the junk he’s addicted to. I don’t know.
OP, I think a lot of the problem is in your presentation. You've used every negative word to describe his diet (it disgusts you), his family's habits, his "addiction" to unhealthy food. Frankly, he's probably digging his heels in just to p*ss you off at this point. Also, from what you've described being OK with eating, I wouldn't call you a 'health nut' either. Certainly healthier than his diet, but most of what you've described seems not too far outside the bounds of normal.
If you want success, change how you come at this. In your own head and how you talk to yourself, stop thinking your diet is so healthy and his is disgusting. Reframe it for yourself stopping with the dramatic overwrought language, then you can do the same in your conversations with him and you might have better luck.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 11:49
Subject: Re:Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
"I’m not a good cook but I’d rather eat something that is healthy for sustenance than something that is delicious but unhealthy."
Well that's your problem. You aren't a good cook, and would rather eat something that tastes like garbage than delicious. No wonder no one likes your food!
I think it would be unreasonable to expect someone to eat food that they a) hate and b) is acknowledged that isn't very tasty. If my DH was a terrible cook and insisted on making things I didn't like, I'd probably opt out as well. There is a huge amount of compromise available here. Can you guys pick out recipes and cook together? I like pps ideas of making similar things at home, like chipotle bowls or thai food. Maybe he can help make the meal plan. It doesn't sound like you're working, so it's falling on you, but there is no point in buying all this expensive protein and veggies if no one eats it, it goes to waste, and he ends up getting take out anyways.
Well that's your problem. You aren't a good cook, and would rather eat something that tastes like garbage than delicious. No wonder no one likes your food!
I think it would be unreasonable to expect someone to eat food that they a) hate and b) is acknowledged that isn't very tasty. If my DH was a terrible cook and insisted on making things I didn't like, I'd probably opt out as well. There is a huge amount of compromise available here. Can you guys pick out recipes and cook together? I like pps ideas of making similar things at home, like chipotle bowls or thai food. Maybe he can help make the meal plan. It doesn't sound like you're working, so it's falling on you, but there is no point in buying all this expensive protein and veggies if no one eats it, it goes to waste, and he ends up getting take out anyways.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 11:14
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Seconding the lol to Chipotle and Panda Express being not junk????
You waste a lot of money on food, wow
Never said those places were not junk but if I needed something quick and wasn’t cooking, those are the less unhealthy fast food options. So when hubby wants to get takeout we compromise on those options
Anonymous
09/16/2024 09:23
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The day your husband will fall ill, you won’t be cooking for him. It was his decision to eat crap while you prepared healthier meals.
Pls don’t let your precious kid to follow his dad’s piggy example.
This is going to be essentially impossible if dad continues to do his own thing.
Nope, it’s not impossible. Make dad spend more time away from home so the kid has more “mommy and me time”. Take the kid to harvest fruit, shop for fruits and vegetables,
play “colorful fruits and veggies” games, etc. if you have a garden or a balcony, start planting seasonal vegetables in containers. Make a mommy and me growing food team.
You need to get creative.
It doesn’t matter. If Dad comes home with McD, son will bail on his homegrown green beans the second Dad walks through the door.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 08:05
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The day your husband will fall ill, you won’t be cooking for him. It was his decision to eat crap while you prepared healthier meals.
Pls don’t let your precious kid to follow his dad’s piggy example.
This is going to be essentially impossible if dad continues to do his own thing.
Nope, it’s not impossible. Make dad spend more time away from home so the kid has more “mommy and me time”. Take the kid to harvest fruit, shop for fruits and vegetables,
play “colorful fruits and veggies” games, etc. if you have a garden or a balcony, start planting seasonal vegetables in containers. Make a mommy and me growing food team.
You need to get creative.
+1
Anonymous
09/16/2024 08:04
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
The amount of eating out you mention is crazy high.
You and your husband should sit down in the weekend and make a meal plan for the week ahead. Talk about what recipes each of you will like, who cooks which meal, etc. Agree that the meal plan meal is what will be served and eaten by all three of you on those nights….his opportunity to change it isn’t after you cooked, but while you are both making the meal plan. That meal is also what will be served to your toddler, so when making the meal plan make sure it includes one item he likes as part of the whole meal.
Include one night a week of “take out”, but not 2 or 3 nights a week.
You and your husband should sit down in the weekend and make a meal plan for the week ahead. Talk about what recipes each of you will like, who cooks which meal, etc. Agree that the meal plan meal is what will be served and eaten by all three of you on those nights….his opportunity to change it isn’t after you cooked, but while you are both making the meal plan. That meal is also what will be served to your toddler, so when making the meal plan make sure it includes one item he likes as part of the whole meal.
Include one night a week of “take out”, but not 2 or 3 nights a week.
Anonymous
09/16/2024 06:59
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Seconding the lol to Chipotle and Panda Express being not junk????
You waste a lot of money on food, wow
You waste a lot of money on food, wow
Anonymous
09/16/2024 06:57
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Why are you coming after bean burritos from Taco Bell? It's great your toddler likes not meat based protein
Anonymous
09/16/2024 06:37
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Maybe you really suck at cooking?
Anonymous
09/15/2024 19:47
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
You can’t control how he eats, nor should you want to. I don’t cook for my spouse because we enjoy very different foods. Sometimes the kids eat fast food with him, sometimes they eat what I make with a few adjustments. It’s not all or nothing. I would get out of the mindset that poor diet is necessarily going to create poor outcomes for your husband, because honestly cholesterol is very much genetics based. I’m vegan and I have high cholesterol also.
Anonymous
09/15/2024 17:45
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, this really isn’t about food. You have a relationship problem.
This was my thought. It's the same old Parent A and Parent B have very different opinions and actions regarding X. It could be screens, video games, bed time, sports, school, etc.
Separate the issue so it's not just one big ball of frustration. 1) The way your husband eats grosses you out and makes you feel unwanted and unappreciated. 2) You want your child to have a healthy diet and good eating habits.
Your only option for change is #2. You're not going to change a grown adult who has been eating like this since before you met (you married him knowing all this, BTW). Sit down and have the come to jesus talk about how important it is to you that your child develop healthy eating habits. That includes a role model who doesn't say "Healthy food sucks!" and then scarfs down fast food and soda. Or swings between a keto diet and binging cake. You can't change your DH's choices but you can ask that he eats the fast food at the restaurant instead of bringing it in the house, and that he doesn't undermine your efforts to get your child healthy eating habits.
At the least, he should respect you enough to take this topic seriously. But you need to respect that he isn't going to change. +1 for making sure he has life insurance before he develops issues that will drive up the premium.
Anonymous
09/15/2024 16:28
Subject: Husband and toddler both won’t eat what I cook
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The day your husband will fall ill, you won’t be cooking for him. It was his decision to eat crap while you prepared healthier meals.
Pls don’t let your precious kid to follow his dad’s piggy example.
This is going to be essentially impossible if dad continues to do his own thing.
Nope, it’s not impossible. Make dad spend more time away from home so the kid has more “mommy and me time”. Take the kid to harvest fruit, shop for fruits and vegetables,
play “colorful fruits and veggies” games, etc. if you have a garden or a balcony, start planting seasonal vegetables in containers. Make a mommy and me growing food team.
You need to get creative.