Anonymous
Post 09/24/2024 20:01     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
Anonymous wrote:I've posted about my mil before she is super insensitive and invasive when it comes to asking questions and doesn't take hints of not wanting to talk about certain things.

While I was pregnant she would say rude things like why bother with a pump or sterilizing bottles you said you want to breastfeed. Its so easy just put baby on and they eat. I used to stand over my kids crib and I would just start leaking. It's not hard at all. On and on.

It also doesn't help that I work in the birth and labor space and I know all the things and I'm struggling so hard. Too much to mention now but weepy and emotional that this might not pan out for me and baby.

She's two weeks today and after a cascade of interventions at the hospital after a C-section at 38 weeks 5 days we are triple feeding/but she won't really latch unless it's with a shield/she's exhausted/minimal of any milk transfer. She can't open wide- tie and tightness. Poor girl. I'm pumping every 2-3 hours and only getting 1oz. Yesterday was a fluke and one session I got 2.5. but it usually takes me 60 min of on/off to get 30-50 mls.

Since coming home Mil asks is she nursing? is she only getting breast milk? do you feel your let down? So she's only had breast milk? Has she had bottles? Over and over and over again. Every single time we've talked to them. I have admittedly tried to avoid m but once a week now she asks the same question about feeding. I don't understand why she can't just shut up about it or when we say yup she's healthy and growing she leaves it be.

The first time DH saw me tearing up and covered saying everything is fine. She's eating and growing. But she insists well I didn't hear larla say it. She will ask me directly if I'm nursing and exclusively and if I'm feeling my let down all the time. We have just been lying and saying yup everything is great. Going well.

It's exhausting. DH says she's just curious. But normal people don't ask this stuff. She's fixated on our feeding journey and it sucks. I already think about it 24/7.

I know at some point they will have to visit and we will have to tell them no things aren't going well actually. TBH we planned to have them visit after 4 weeks but now I don't want them to come until we get feeding under control. But what if we never do? They come over and baby is on expressed milk/formula supps and I'm still pumping every 2hrs. I don't even know what to say at this point. I don't even want them here.

I just already feel like such a failure I can't even feed my baby. And to have these questions asked with such judgement. And it is judgement. She also says stuff like well it can't be that warm to have her in just a diaper. Yes it is. We are doing skin to skin all day. Or she saw me doing suck exercise with baby on zoom and it looks like I'm just using my finger as a pacifier and she has to comment on well a pacifier would be better. And she did this with her kids and she was the perfect mom. And at the end of the day I'm just not. And we are only two weeks in


Tell her to shut the EFF up and you are blocking her number. Your DH should have put a stop to his mother's intrusive and insensitive behavior long ago.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 14:55     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
I think you need to have zero contact with your MIL for the next few months and your husband needs to 100% handle her. You do not need to hear from him what she is saying/doing. His job is to keep her away from you and you should try to forget she exists for the moment.

You have enough on your plate. And you are doing great, by the way.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 14:05     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
“Stop interrogating me while I’m healing, Linda.”

“Stop interrogating me while I’m healing, Linda.” Over and over. If she whines or tries to say I was just this that the other:

“It’s not about you. It’s about me and baby.”

Say nothing else to her. She’ll either wise up and shut up, or she’ll get pissed off and leave. Win-win.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 14:00     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
Just say we’re switching to formula and don’t want to discuss it every time you bring it up we are ending the call. Your husband needs to man up with handling her tell him you are no longer joining the calls if he can’t rein her in. And absolutely no visits in the first three months
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 13:59     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s annoying but you are making everything harder for yourself (including handling her) by insisting on breastfeeding. At 2 weeks PP your milk supply isn’t going to increase.


You are a moron. I had a similar situation and had to briefly supplement with formula and eventually wean off the shield but we went on to successfully exclusively breastfeed for the whole year after the bumpy start and brief supplementation. I was so glad I didn’t listen to people like you.


Be specific though. Did you double your milk production after 2 whole weeks?


NP here, and you know what? My son is 11 and I don't remember all the details because I'm not a lunatic, but you are indeed a moron. My supply more than doubled after two weeks, so much so that exclusively breast fed my preemie until he was 5.5 months old when we started to supplement. I continued nursing with supplementation until he was 16 months old.

Do I wish I had started supplementing earlier? Maybe. Not for my son, who was fine, but for myself, because morning, pumping, and bottle feeding was exhausting. I did it to assuage my own guilt over his premature birth and to try to do right by him in a way I thought I could. But he would have been fine on formula.

This is not the point for OP, though. OP can decided to feed her baby however she likes; it doesn't matter. Fed is best. But her MIL needs to get her nosy, judgmental self out of OP's bra. What's happening in there is none of her business. OP and her DH need to set a firm boundary that the topic is not and never will be up for discussion.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 13:50     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
Anonymous wrote:"MIL, I have heard the terrible things you said about SIL when she had trouble nursing and I simply will not engage with you in a discussion about my child's feeding. You are judgmental and cruel about SIL and I am not inviting that into my life. Your questions and judgment are stressful and unnecessary and unwelcome. I am hurting my child and will speak no more about this topic with you."

You have to be blunt. You have to be clear. There is nothing wrong with you saying this and keeping the boundary.


Sorry, I meant to type, "I am NURSiNG my child". You are not hurting your child. However, you are hurting yourself by not putting up a firm boundary to protect yourself from your MIL's unhealthy and unhelpful commentary.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 13:48     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
"MIL, I have heard the terrible things you said about SIL when she had trouble nursing and I simply will not engage with you in a discussion about my child's feeding. You are judgmental and cruel about SIL and I am not inviting that into my life. Your questions and judgment are stressful and unnecessary and unwelcome. I am hurting my child and will speak no more about this topic with you."

You have to be blunt. You have to be clear. There is nothing wrong with you saying this and keeping the boundary.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2024 15:03     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
I have an incredibly invasive, narcissistic and insensitive mother like your MIL. She was also creepily fixated on breastfeeding. I told her that if she said the word “breasts” to me even one more time, visits were over indefinitely. I was dead serious. This woman has never respected a boundary of mine in my life, yet she dropped it and has never brought it up again.

You hold all the power now that you have the grandchild. Grandparents will do anything to stay in their life.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2024 14:40     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
I would not put up with her behavior for five minutes. You need an immediate intervention with your MIL and your DH (who is jerk for allowing his mother to take over). You tell her that she is a guest in your house and in until she learns to behave like a guest then she can stay in a hotel. You also need to remind her that this is your baby, not hers and the only time you want her advice will be when you ask for her advice

You should have set boundaries long ago but you definitely need to set them now. If your DH is upset then he can move to hotel with his mother.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2024 18:48     Subject: Invasive MIL - two weeks pp
This is a difficult MIL problem, not a BFing problem. Go way low contact with her. Your husband can talk to his mom. Just stop answering feeding questions. It's not her boobs, not her baby, not her problem. When she comes for the visit, make sure you step out for the majority of it for a hair appt. Whatever you do DO NOT HOST HER FOR THE NIGHT NO NO NO NO. A few hours ***AT THE MOST***. Preferably, no meal. If you do have a meal, it is Chinese take out or pizza. When she says, "I'm surprised you didn't cook" say "I'm sorry, I don't have the bandwidth right now." Have your DH read this comment if you can't tell him no. When it is 8 and if she is still there, tell her you are going to sleep and just walk away to your room! When she gives you the, "When I was a mom in 1979 blablabla" comment say nothing at all or "Oh, that is interesting" or "Oh I will give that a try" some other super noncommittal comment. Don't bother arguing with her or trying to correct her behavior, there is no point