Haven’t read this whole thread but based on your requirements, I would recommend an Australian Labradoodle (not to be confused with an Aussiedoodle). Almost guaranteed to be hypoallergenic and very sweet tenpeaments and its own breed now. Ivy Lane is a reputable breeder.

OP, have you tested to see if you are allergic to? If you think you are allergic, get tested. My parents told me I was and I got tested and I wasn't. We got a no shed dog through a newer breeder who did AKC registry. Dog is great. Don't listen to the anti-breeders. I had no exposure to dogs so a puppy was much better as we could train and a small dog was much less scarry.

Thank you, pp, for taking the time to write that lengthy post with good advice. I held off getting a dog for years because I knew I wasn’t ready for the additional burden. When my youngest was 12, I felt ready. I did a lot of research on different breeds and really thought about what would be a good fit for our family — which traits were really important to us and which ones we could compromise on. The breed that was the best fit for us wasn’t one I would have picked based on looks.

Coincidentally, it was a breed that is available through rescues. I got a purebred dog without paying an exorbitant fee to a breeder. I also was able to get a dog that was just exiting the puppy phase, which was great because I didn’t want to deal with puppyhood. He’d lived with fosters who could tell us about his personality. We had asked the rescue to match us to a very easygoing, calm dog because we were first time dog owners, and they really came through. Our boy was confident, non reactive, and super chill. He truly was what we were looking for and he has fit seamlessly into our family.

Doing our research really paid off. There are lots of websites that will list the characteristics of different breeds; whether they’re a good guard dog or good with children; how high their energy level is and how much daily exercise they need; whether they’re a working breed that needs a job to do or will become bored and destructive; how much they bark; how much they shed; what their grooming needs are; whether they do well when left home alone; common health issues for different breeds. It’s good to visit multiple websites to get a full picture. It’s just as important to think about traits you don’t want as the traits you do want. There will be tons of breed specific information online and once you’ve started narrowing down your options, you can visit online forums for specific breeds and find videos on YouTube dedicated to specific breeds.

Best of luck on your search.

I won’t crucify you for going to a breeder, I have had full bred dogs. I also won’t crucify you for going to a rescue, I have mutts and foster dogs on a regular basis. This is what I will say, you won’t know a dog’s temperament until you have that dog, just like kids. You don’t know who they really are until you have them. What I will say is that you should first research breeds based on energy level and the type of dog they are. Don’t get a high energy or sporting/working dog. Everyone will be miserable and you will either return the dog for it to be hard to adopt or unadoptable. I have had these dogs in our rescue where they were full bred but someone changed their mind for whatever reason and basically screwed the dog. Full bred dogs are great but you should join a club for that dog nearby and attend their events. Get to know the breeders because some you absolutely DO NOT want a dog from. You should be able to meet the dog in person while it’s under their care (before 8 weeks). Take the time to do this. After all, this is a family member for many years to come. Another route is rescue. You can get puppies or young to old dogs. This is great because many times you really can understand what personality you are getting based on what the dog’s foster family says. I had a litter once where one family was stuck on one dog but I could tell based on what they told me that this curious, high energy pup wasn’t for them as new dog owners. I suggested the pup’s brother and now a few years in, they love this dog so much and comment on how chill he is, saying he’s perfect for them. The other dog’s brother ended up going to another great family on a lot of land with several young boys that romp and play with him all the time outdoors. What I am saying is that these are both dogs from the same litter but with different personalities. Rescue groups often take your lifestyle into account to help make a good match. After all, no one wants returns. It’s awful for everyone. Also, try and visit a rescue dog at the foster house. Every dog that I have ever taken to an adoption event is stressed. They are never themselves. Get videos of the dog in different situations and you can see their personalities more. By the way, a rescue dog NEVER forgets it’s been saved. They will NEVER forget who saved them and I can’t even put into words the love they will give you over that. Lastly, keep in mind that if you have an anxious or nervous child, even if you don’t get an anxious dog, that dog may develop some of those qualities. Dogs tend to pick up on some traits from their families. Get a good trainer (this is a whole other discussion) and have them help you over the first 2 months for a good start. Dogs will always try and seek their advantage in life, don’t ever feel sorry for them and give them everything. They love to earn things (food, treats, toys, etc). Best of luck to you in your search. There is a dog for your family, just take the time to think about what you need versus what you want. Weather you shop or adopt, thank you for bringing a dog into your family. The only wrong way to get a dog is based on looks instead of traits or personalities. It’s not by going to a breeder or rescue. Do whichever suits your family best. But I will end by saying I have found bliss in the rescue world while still appreciating the show/working dogs in the breeding world. Rescues are an amazing breed.😁

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. With your allergies and a nervous kid, please think hard about what injecting a pet into the situation will do to your life. It’s possible to romanticize what adding a dog to the family will be like.

We were in a similar situation a decade ago and found a small short hair breed that is hypo allergenic. The first couple years when the kids were toddlers were great. Then the kids got older and busier and every family event required planning and added costs for what to do with the dog. Then the dog developed skin issues which results in dead skin flakes all over the house and constant running of the Roomba, and complaints from family members about allergies. Medication and vet bills for skin have probably cost us $20k (easy) over the life of the dog, not to mention regular vet bills and boarding fees. Now the dog is 14 years old, and regularly vomits which requires cleanup before trying to run the kids out the door for something. We love the dog, but can’t say it’s made our life better.

We had our kids young, and many of our friends now have kids age 6-10. A couple families have added dogs to the mix thinking it will be good for the kids. In all cases it’s added more stress to their day to day routine.

Yeah, if you're not ready to add another kid, you may not be ready to add another pet. It's responsibility for another life, and all that comes with it, not just the snuggles and cute moments.

Sound advice, PP.

Hi op. With your allergies and a nervous kid, please think hard about what injecting a pet into the situation will do to your life. It’s possible to romanticize what adding a dog to the family will be like.

We were in a similar situation a decade ago and found a small short hair breed that is hypo allergenic. The first couple years when the kids were toddlers were great. Then the kids got older and busier and every family event required planning and added costs for what to do with the dog. Then the dog developed skin issues which results in dead skin flakes all over the house and constant running of the Roomba, and complaints from family members about allergies. Medication and vet bills for skin have probably cost us $20k (easy) over the life of the dog, not to mention regular vet bills and boarding fees. Now the dog is 14 years old, and regularly vomits which requires cleanup before trying to run the kids out the door for something. We love the dog, but can’t say it’s made our life better.

We had our kids young, and many of our friends now have kids age 6-10. A couple families have added dogs to the mix thinking it will be good for the kids. In all cases it’s added more stress to their day to day routine.

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Anonymous wrote:I think this is a reasonable question - what is the big problem? It makes perfect sense to me to find a dog breed that is known to be friendly to kids and calming, as well as relatively non-allergenic. It makes sense to not do a shelter dog as breeds can be more predictable.

OP can't know if they'll be allergic to a particular dog until they have lived with that particular dog, nor can they know whether this is going to be a good choice for an extremely anxious child.

This is, first, a Don't get a dog situation, but if you can't be dissuaded, it's definitely a foster-to-adopt situation

But aren't some breeds typically more-or-less hypoallergenic? E.g., the Obamas got a Portugese water dog as someone was allergic?
For example, I had a friend who got a breed of cat as they are known to be hypoallergenic.

It is true that some dog breeds are more likely to be friendly to people with dog allergies. However, it's not that simple. I have a friend that has GRs and FCRs. She cannot live with short coated/wiry coated breeds, like Boxers and Schnauzers. Another friend who has Boxers is reactive to everything she has tried, except Boxers and Pit Bulls. These things don't follow formulas. Which is why it is important to meet many members of the breeds you're considering, and go from there. A dog show (conformation is fine) is probably the best avenue for this.

The more problematic thing is that OP wants a dog that won't trigger her anxious child. That basically rules out all puppies, as even the best of puppies will bite and chase a child who runs, and otherwise not be a Gund 24/7. The option then is for OP to get a mellow adult dog, which is much easier to accomplish by going to a rescue, rather than to a breeder of a specific breed, who likely won't have adult dogs to place, and then wait for one of their dogs to be returned (which generally does not happen if the breeder is responsible).

This is not true. Every breeder I've ever been in contact with has adult dogs available from time to time. And no they are not the
"returned goods" you speak of.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people feel it’s perfectly ethical to “adopt” a dog for a fee from a “rescue” system that is propping up not only backyard breeders but also puppy mill auctions, with little to no regard for what dogs are suitable for what jobs, and then turn around and tell people they’re bad for looking for a reputable breeder. And yes, I have adopted multiple dogs! I’m not opposed to adopting dogs. It’s the poorly considered, reflexive orthodoxy I find so objectionable. There’s not even an attempt at envisioning a long term solution and I’m starting to think they don’t want one.

OP I think you make your best effort on finding an ethical breeder and proceed. I don’t understand how these people think the “rescue” puppies appear on earth. They’re all bred somehow.

They do not support backyard breeders, dear. What a crazy way to support your idea of the "reputable" breeding dog industry which, by the way, is causing more harm. Backyard breeders don't get your small fee- rescues take to find homes. Rescues take in all dogs, dogs abandoned by hunters ( yep, mine was a pure bred dog running around Mississippi like all hounds running around there), abandoned by owners, dogs from unspayed dogs, mutts no one wants, pit bulls no one wants, and the list goes on. Don't pay someone 4k for a designer breed when thousands of dogs await homes and are killed. A fee? Yeah, 200 bucks for vet care and food. I will gladly pay it, even triple.

Why do we have so much hemangiosarcoma,lymphoma, sarcoma in dogs? Dog breeding.

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Anonymous wrote:Your ideal dog does not exist

+1 These threads are so strange. I'm allergic to dogs and my kid is terrified of them - help me pick a dog!

For what it's worth, my kid is NOT terrified of dogs, just a highly anxious personality that would not pair well with an anxious dog. But I guess nobody thinks my husband and children, who really want a dog, should get one because I"m allergic, so oh well!

I disagree. If you’re willing to travel to NJ, there’s a good foster org called Who Rescued Who? They have a Facebook group you can join and they have dogs you could foster before committing. They seem to have a fair number of puppies and pure breeds too (rescues from mills, I assume )if that’s your thing. Gl!

They buy them! They buy them from “mills” at auctions and then sell them to you as “rescues” and everyone goes home happy. What do you think is happening, they’re storming the puppy mills with rifles and flying the puppies out by helicopter? Do you imagine that rescues buying dogs from breeders (or mills, whatever, but obviously the rescue can call whatever they want a “mill”) is doing anything except supporting those same breeders in the long run?

All that’s happening there is that the “adopt don’t shop” campaign has turned the market against “breeder” dogs and created a stigma, but not everyone wants a pit/hound shipped up from the South, but if you can have the same f-ing dog and tell your friends it’s a “rescue” then everyone is happy.

Here is a story about this from 2018, and yet the PP just waltzes about her life clicking on Facebook puppies and parroting the BS about “mill rescues” and never stopping to think twice.

The dog rescue people remind me of no one so much as the March for Life people. People love being sanctimonious when they don’t have to think hard about it.

Link, sorry https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2018/investigations/dog-auction-rescue-groups-donations/

Wow, one whole story from six years ago. That must mean all rescues are suspect!

You’re right, this New Jersey outfit with no website and whole litters of designer breed puppies for “adoption” is probably picking them up from alleys somewhere.

I'm about to blow your mind: that one rescue in New Jersey is not the only rescue out there.