Anonymous
09/05/2024 11:41
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?
Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.
Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.
You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.
Hmmmm. How many is the majority? Five girls from DD's NCS class? Ten? Twenty? Even so, that is a far cry from the 40+ who would need to be married by age 25 to make up most of the class as marrying young. I stand by the trend that most NCS girls are waiting until their late 20s to get married.
Looking at the NCS classes of 2016 and 2017, ~ age 25: Most are engaged or married, skewing towards the wealthiest i.e. most desirable. This is very early compared to the alleged national average of ~ age 30 (f) for first marriage.
I have a NCS (LS) girl and find this interesting. It would be a deviation from their parents who all seemed to be “older” parents as compared to those in my community. Unless they’re getting married earlier and delaying children? Seems odd to me. I wouldn’t want my daughter getting married earlier than late 20s.
Being an old parent isn't cool anymore.
+1. But I’d argue it was never cool, it was just sort of normalized, especially in New York and DC. Now getting married and pregnant in your 20s is being normalized by social media. The pressure to grow up and check that box is real.
It was never cool. I think you’re mischaracterizing what happened and how it was perceived. It just is. I don’t know any man or woman who said, “I’d like to wait until my 40s to get married and have children as my fertility is declining.” It just happened that way. Being a young, immature parent whose marriage ends in divorce isn’t cool either but it happens.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 23:37
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?
Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.
Most of the alums from NCS and STA do NOT marry soon after college. OP's DD is not reflective of the norm. Yes, most do get married (as is the norm for the well-educated and wealthy), but usually in their late 20s/early 30s.
You are wrong. This generation will of kids is different. And when there’s an early wave, it’s cascading and pressures all of their other friends to pair up and get engaged too. Social media fuels this because it’s not like you can be oblivious anymore. Even if you’re not invited, the courting, engagement, bachelor and bachelorette parties, and weddings are in everyone’s face. Pressure to join and conform immense. It’s really fascinating to witness as a parent.
Hmmmm. How many is the majority? Five girls from DD's NCS class? Ten? Twenty? Even so, that is a far cry from the 40+ who would need to be married by age 25 to make up most of the class as marrying young. I stand by the trend that most NCS girls are waiting until their late 20s to get married.
Looking at the NCS classes of 2016 and 2017, ~ age 25: Most are engaged or married, skewing towards the wealthiest i.e. most desirable. This is very early compared to the alleged national average of ~ age 30 (f) for first marriage.
I have a NCS (LS) girl and find this interesting. It would be a deviation from their parents who all seemed to be “older” parents as compared to those in my community. Unless they’re getting married earlier and delaying children? Seems odd to me. I wouldn’t want my daughter getting married earlier than late 20s.
Being an old parent isn't cool anymore.
+1. But I’d argue it was never cool, it was just sort of normalized, especially in New York and DC. Now getting married and pregnant in your 20s is being normalized by social media. The pressure to grow up and check that box is real.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:22
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Also easy access to birth control and IVF means couples can delay or space children as per their convenience if needed.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:20
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:God, if I were young, highly educated and debt free the last thing I would jump into is marriage.
It's quite literally the smartest thing college educated kids can do. Young wedding, buying a house together ASAP, and having kids before you need IVF.
Yeah, no. It’s really not.
For fertility reasons, yes; for maturity reasons, no.
I will say that I don’t know anyone who married their high school sweetheart and is still married to them. They have all divorced one another but they did have kids earlier than the single ones obviously.
I really don’t have a hard strict opinion on what age people should not get married. When I was much younger I thought anything less than 30 was absurd. However, now, as a 50 year old mother of two, I wouldn’t be upset with my DD for getting married in her early 20s if she thought he was the right person. Career isn’t everything and I believe you can manage family and career at an early age, as long as you realize that the kids will have to come first and you may not progress as far as you like in your career when you are trying to juggle both. What it does allow, however, is for you to lean in when your kids are in their teens when you are in your late 30s early 40s, which isn’t a bad thing. I’m trying to lean in now at 50 and I think I might fall over,
I’m so tired.
+1
I’m hopeful they are learning from millennials that swipe-culture leads to loneliness.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:18
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
With online degrees and jobs, its easier for people to move cities for each other, even long distance is easier with FaceTime, texting and booking cheap flights online. Meal deliveries, online grocery and chore equality helps make life easier.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:17
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did they go to conservative or Catholic HSs?
Cathedral, GPS, and St Albans.
+1
Because good families would much rather throw a big wedding than explain to grandma and great grandma that Larla is shacking up with a boyfriend.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:06
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Wedding, ring, honeymoon, starter house, credit card and student debt are the biggest hurdles in path of young couples.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:04
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.
Of course the families are helping (with engagement ring, wedding, down payment on house). There is nothing wrong with that.
That's your answer. People get married young when they can afford it because their parents subsidize them or when their ambitions are low. Others know they need to establish careers in their 20s and can't afford to start a family yet
I don't see privilege or marriage stopping them from hustling or succeeding. DS's one friend is on astronaut track and bride is in a top business school.
Anonymous
09/04/2024 00:00
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:When you find the right one, why wait?
Because society says to breakup several multiyear relationships and marry after 35.
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:57
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.
This+ no debt + having good jobs or family business already lined up
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:57
Subject: Re:Do private high school alums marry earlier?
There seem to be many threads about this younger generation marrying earlier, but I see no evidence that they will have any success staying married.
In fact, for those who are "influenced" by peer pressure, social media, I think the underlying feeling is that if you marry young, if the marriage doesn't work out, you will still be young when you enter back into the dating pool.
In fact, for those who are "influenced" by peer pressure, social media, I think the underlying feeling is that if you marry young, if the marriage doesn't work out, you will still be young when you enter back into the dating pool.
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:54
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:WOW. I’m really shocked by that! Many want to go for advanced degrees right after graduation! But I guess if you find the right person better to lock them in early!
This is what I'm seeing, people are finding work-life balance and not leaving life on back burner. Probably covid and loneliness gave GenZ different perspective.
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:48
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:God, if I were young, highly educated and debt free the last thing I would jump into is marriage.
It's quite literally the smartest thing college educated kids can do. Young wedding, buying a house together ASAP, and having kids before you need IVF.
Yeah, no. It’s really not.
For fertility reasons, yes; for maturity reasons, no.
I will say that I don’t know anyone who married their high school sweetheart and is still married to them. They have all divorced one another but they did have kids earlier than the single ones obviously.
I really don’t have a hard strict opinion on what age people should not get married. When I was much younger I thought anything less than 30 was absurd. However, now, as a 50 year old mother of two, I wouldn’t be upset with my DD for getting married in her early 20s if she thought he was the right person. Career isn’t everything and I believe you can manage family and career at an early age, as long as you realize that the kids will have to come first and you may not progress as far as you like in your career when you are trying to juggle both. What it does allow, however, is for you to lean in when your kids are in their teens when you are in your late 30s early 40s, which isn’t a bad thing. I’m trying to lean in now at 50 and I think I might fall over,
I’m so tired.
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:40
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It might be the case because they come from wealthy families who help them out with a down payment on their first home or other assets.
I feel finances may stop many young people from getting married and that tends not to be as much of an issue with the private school alums.
Of course the families are helping (with engagement ring, wedding, down payment on house). There is nothing wrong with that.
That's your answer. People get married young when they can afford it because their parents subsidize them or when their ambitions are low. Others know they need to establish careers in their 20s and can't afford to start a family yet
I went to a small religious college. Lots of people married young due to religious convictions. Some even had kids pretty much straight out of school. That didn't stop them from establishing careers. I find the argument that you can't do both at the same time a little weird. Yes it's somewhat career and support system dependent, but I know so many very successful people with happy seeming families who started young.
If both parents are trying to start careers, especially if one or both will require grad school or moving cities, it is not easy. When you have a trust fund and jobs are optional, it's easy
The kids I see getting married early (right after college) are either going to grad school or pursuing high end jobs. Most of these kids are not job optional. Yes they will go to grad school -- just do it while married. Yes they will change cities.
Anonymous
09/03/2024 23:37
Subject: Do private high school alums marry earlier?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:God, if I were young, highly educated and debt free the last thing I would jump into is marriage.
It's quite literally the smartest thing college educated kids can do. Young wedding, buying a house together ASAP, and having kids before you need IVF.
Yeah, no. It’s really not.
It is. If you have the right person there is no need to wait. Fertility issues are real. Most fertility issues are not present in early 20s. And these kids will be high income likley. Low divorce rate.