Anonymous wrote:I am DH who doesn't want to be home early because I dislike my wife so much. Just seeing her damn face gives me anxiety. But she is cheaper to keep. We have come to an agreement that work for us as far as the kids and their schedule. I do all the pick up drop off birthdays breakfast getting ready for school. This is great for me because it avoids me having to interact with her or see her much. I am happy when around my kids but miserable around my wife. And let me say it again she is cheaper to keep than divorce. It sucks but it is what it is. Perhaps when I have the urge to have an affair I'll file for divorce before that comes and will have to live with the financial cost

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? With your scenario, at 5+ just tell them to get ready for bed and go to bed. No extras.

i

Op here- they’re 1,4 and 6. Going to bed isn’t the problem actually. It’s making dinner, getting kids to eat, getting them bathed and entertaining them until bed. I enjoy reading to kids and putting them to bed. Some nights it’s chaos

I really don’t want a spa day on the weekend or time to myself on the weekend. I need to have my nights run smoother. I can’t handle them at night. They’re great during the day but 4-8pm is hell.

Anonymous wrote:I am DH who doesn't want to be home early because I dislike my wife so much. Just seeing her damn face gives me anxiety. But she is cheaper to keep. We have come to an agreement that work for us as far as the kids and their schedule. I do all the pick up drop off birthdays breakfast getting ready for school. This is great for me because it avoids me having to interact with her or see her much. I am happy when around my kids but miserable around my wife. And let me say it again she is cheaper to keep than divorce. It sucks but it is what it is. Perhaps when I have the urge to have an affair I'll file for divorce before that comes and will have to live with the financial cost

Anonymous wrote:I am DH who doesn't want to be home early because I dislike my wife so much. Just seeing her damn face gives me anxiety. But she is cheaper to keep. We have come to an agreement that work for us as far as the kids and their schedule. I do all the pick up drop off birthdays breakfast getting ready for school. This is great for me because it avoids me having to interact with her or see her much. I am happy when around my kids but miserable around my wife. And let me say it again she is cheaper to keep than divorce. It sucks but it is what it is. Perhaps when I have the urge to have an affair I'll file for divorce before that comes and will have to live with the financial cost

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? With your scenario, at 5+ just tell them to get ready for bed and go to bed. No extras.

i

Op here- they’re 1,4 and 6. Going to bed isn’t the problem actually. It’s making dinner, getting kids to eat, getting them bathed and entertaining them until bed. I enjoy reading to kids and putting them to bed. Some nights it’s chaos

I really don’t want a spa day on the weekend or time to myself on the weekend. I need to have my nights run smoother. I can’t handle them at night. They’re great during the day but 4-8pm is hell.

I'd hire help. Someone can entertain the 4 & 6 year old while you put the baby down. A neighborhood teenager is perfect for this because you're in the house if there is a problem.

Also, simplify dinners as much as possible. If your DH won't help with the kids in the evening, perhaps he is willing to prep dinner or throw it in the slow cooker in the morning.

Neighborhood teenagers don't do this. If you're looking for part time evening help, you're going to be paying upwards of $20/hour just to get someone who is going to keep your kids alive.

+1

The ridiculous hire-a-teenager thing around here is nonsense. It isn't 1978.

Someone would do it for $20/hr, but then you have the additional mental load/worry about managing a household employee, and what if she calls out or is sick or if her school schedule changes and now she can’t do it and I have to find someone else. Wonder if she could hire a full time nanny with somewhat non-standard hours like 12-8? It’s annoying that it has to come to that because her husband won’t help out though.

I was the PP who suggested a neighborhood kid. *shrug* maybe I've just gotten lucky, and I do pay $20/hr, but I've had multiple neighbor kids, high-school seniors, who have been reliable and helpful. It might not be every evening, but a couple days a week babysitting is an attractive gig for some kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH got home at 7:30pm a lot when my kids were little. It wasn't because he was wasting time or being selfish or deceitful, it was because he worked until 6 and sometimes his boss wanted something or wanted to talk until 6:30 and traffic put him between 40-65 minutes for the commute.

We need more details about how commute and demands.

I mean, if his hours are flexible and the office clears at 4:59pm and he lives 3 miles from work, yeah, this is not a good situation.

But if his work culture is that people stick around until 6:30 or 7 sometimes and he works in Arlington and you live in Gainesville, that's more than within reason.

Salary probably doesn't impact those factors. So if it's the former you need to have a hard talk...like once he drops the kids off he should be heading into work, not back home (I do this). Or if it's the later, he might want to look for a new job with better hours or closer to home or remote.

Op here. He has a 10-15 min commute. It’s not his boss or coworkers staying late. He likes his job and finds it interesting. I think he just loses track of time. I sort of get it. I know at my job I’m most productive starting at 2pm and it’s painful to drag myself away to go get all the kids.

He’s a fed so his job is more flexible than most. A lot of his coworkers work 7-3:30.

I tried the nanny route all summer long and it was hard. Nanny was 25 but just wasn’t helpful. She seemed responsible but didn’t know how to cook absolutely anything, didn’t know how to work a dishwasher and had trouble maintaining discipline (and my kids are pretty well behaved). Managing her was a big headache and I’m not eager to try again. I don’t really want someone to just watch the kids while I cook, I’d like someone to help cook, talk to me about their day and wrangle kids with me.

My job doesn’t have part time options but I think that would solve a lot of problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids? With your scenario, at 5+ just tell them to get ready for bed and go to bed. No extras.

i

Op here- they’re 1,4 and 6. Going to bed isn’t the problem actually. It’s making dinner, getting kids to eat, getting them bathed and entertaining them until bed. I enjoy reading to kids and putting them to bed. Some nights it’s chaos

I really don’t want a spa day on the weekend or time to myself on the weekend. I need to have my nights run smoother. I can’t handle them at night. They’re great during the day but 4-8pm is hell.

I'd hire help. Someone can entertain the 4 & 6 year old while you put the baby down. A neighborhood teenager is perfect for this because you're in the house if there is a problem.

Also, simplify dinners as much as possible. If your DH won't help with the kids in the evening, perhaps he is willing to prep dinner or throw it in the slow cooker in the morning.

Neighborhood teenagers don't do this. If you're looking for part time evening help, you're going to be paying upwards of $20/hour just to get someone who is going to keep your kids alive.

+1

The ridiculous hire-a-teenager thing around here is nonsense. It isn't 1978.

Someone would do it for $20/hr, but then you have the additional mental load/worry about managing a household employee, and what if she calls out or is sick or if her school schedule changes and now she can’t do it and I have to find someone else. Wonder if she could hire a full time nanny with somewhat non-standard hours like 12-8? It’s annoying that it has to come to that because her husband won’t help out though.