Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know your family history. If your dad has a habit of making inappropriate comments to you then that's what's going on with your son. If you want him to stop, tell him thst this is a nightmare deal to you and if you ever hear of this again you'll be very angry. If he still does it, there's your answer. He doesn't respect boundaries. Also tell your son about grandpa.

This. So many of the PPs gaslighting OP that this is normal. This is not appropriate your minor son doesn't need to hear sexual jokes from a creepy adult. Tell your dad to stop and he does not then do not allow your kids to be with him alone.

I don’t think it’s a joke—I think blunderbuss grandpa is trying to tell the kid not to do horribly socially awkward things in public in the only way he knows how.

And further, it’s not sexual to tell your kid not to touch themselves (or appear to touch themselves) in public. It’s what we need to do as parents. OP shouldn’t even be in this situation because she should have already told her kid, instead of excusing everything as anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the responses. Absolutely this bothered me A LOT but I hadn't talked to my dad about it yet BECAUSE I was angry and having intense reaction that is possibly not warranted. Which is exactly why I posted here, to gauge it from people who grew up differently. Not sure why some people get so bent out of shape about someone having a different reaction than they would especially when its based on past like what I grew up with.

My therapist used to tell me that while yes my dad is an issue and there's potential of harm, there are some good parts to, my kids aren't with him a lot, and he's not my kids parent - they don't look to him for approval or love, which they do get healthfully from me. He used to be pretty awful sometimes when they were younger though conversations did help - my kids saying they didn't want to go there anymore because of how he treated them and how he treated my mom changed things a little.

Absolutely there was no jokiness or buddy like bugging or teasing about how my dad says things like this and said this. He is a very critical person and the shaming my son and bringing up sexuality was unnecessary and done inappropriately. Had he just said about pockets, or said in a teaching way that some people do that, and it makes others uncomfortable... its his acting like my son is dirty and perverse masturbating in public likes he's some addict or something, and that everyone else is dirty and perverse to think that about my son doing that that's the problem. It's not typical.

And what's the score is his talking about ball hockey with the stick being the obvious.

My core worry is my kids being affected by my dad the way that I was.

But either way, my son did ignore my dad the second time. And my son knows about pockets and other options for feeling less confident. It just doesn't surprise me that he would be extra nervous feeling with the way my dad looks at people.

To the person who said east european - my dad grew up in central Europe so that could be a factor to his reaction. But agin, its the shaming hateful way of talking, not the "hey young man, let me help you out guy to guy". And it is weird too because he doesn't have that type of relationship with my kids where my son would ever feel comfortable having my dad talk to him about anything meaningful.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the responses. Absolutely this bothered me A LOT but I hadn't talked to my dad about it yet BECAUSE I was angry and having intense reaction that is possibly not warranted. Which is exactly why I posted here, to gauge it from people who grew up differently. Not sure why some people get so bent out of shape about someone having a different reaction than they would especially when its based on past like what I grew up with.

My therapist used to tell me that while yes my dad is an issue and there's potential of harm, there are some good parts to, my kids aren't with him a lot, and he's not my kids parent - they don't look to him for approval or love, which they do get healthfully from me. He used to be pretty awful sometimes when they were younger though conversations did help - my kids saying they didn't want to go there anymore because of how he treated them and how he treated my mom changed things a little.

Absolutely there was no jokiness or buddy like bugging or teasing about how my dad says things like this and said this. He is a very critical person and the shaming my son and bringing up sexuality was unnecessary and done inappropriately. Had he just said about pockets, or said in a teaching way that some people do that, and it makes others uncomfortable... its his acting like my son is dirty and perverse masturbating in public likes he's some addict or something, and that everyone else is dirty and perverse to think that about my son doing that that's the problem. It's not typical.

And what's the score is his talking about ball hockey with the stick being the obvious.

My core worry is my kids being affected by my dad the way that I was.

But either way, my son did ignore my dad the second time. And my son knows about pockets and other options for feeling less confident. It just doesn't surprise me that he would be extra nervous feeling with the way my dad looks at people.

To the person who said east european - my dad grew up in central Europe so that could be a factor to his reaction. But agin, its the shaming hateful way of talking, not the "hey young man, let me help you out guy to guy". And it is weird too because he doesn't have that type of relationship with my kids where my son would ever feel comfortable having my dad talk to him about anything meaningful.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the responses. Absolutely this bothered me A LOT but I hadn't talked to my dad about it yet BECAUSE I was angry and having intense reaction that is possibly not warranted. Which is exactly why I posted here, to gauge it from people who grew up differently. Not sure why some people get so bent out of shape about someone having a different reaction than they would especially when its based on past like what I grew up with.

My therapist used to tell me that while yes my dad is an issue and there's potential of harm, there are some good parts to, my kids aren't with him a lot, and he's not my kids parent - they don't look to him for approval or love, which they do get healthfully from me. He used to be pretty awful sometimes when they were younger though conversations did help - my kids saying they didn't want to go there anymore because of how he treated them and how he treated my mom changed things a little.

Absolutely there was no jokiness or buddy like bugging or teasing about how my dad says things like this and said this. He is a very critical person and the shaming my son and bringing up sexuality was unnecessary and done inappropriately. Had he just said about pockets, or said in a teaching way that some people do that, and it makes others uncomfortable... its his acting like my son is dirty and perverse masturbating in public likes he's some addict or something, and that everyone else is dirty and perverse to think that about my son doing that that's the problem. It's not typical.

And what's the score is his talking about ball hockey with the stick being the obvious.

My core worry is my kids being affected by my dad the way that I was.

But either way, my son did ignore my dad the second time. And my son knows about pockets and other options for feeling less confident. It just doesn't surprise me that he would be extra nervous feeling with the way my dad looks at people.

To the person who said east european - my dad grew up in central Europe so that could be a factor to his reaction. But agin, its the shaming hateful way of talking, not the "hey young man, let me help you out guy to guy". And it is weird too because he doesn't have that type of relationship with my kids where my son would ever feel comfortable having my dad talk to him about anything meaningful.

Anonymous wrote:What does "what's the score?" mean? I'm trying to understand what context this is inappropriate in.

Anonymous wrote:If it bothers your son so much he’ll get his hands out of his pockets around Grandpa. Your anger is bizarre and inappropriate over this minor thing said to a 14 yr old who is in complete control of his behavior. Are you ok?

Anonymous wrote:“Mt son sometimes has anxiety or feels social awkwardness so might put his hands in his jacket or shorts pockets.“

Mom, I say this as a parent of a kid with anxiety and OCD and ADHD. Your child is now 14 and old enough to learn what is acceptable and what isn’t, and we need to stop making excuses using anxiety as scape goat. Hands in both pockets of gym shorts is just not appropriate for a 14 year-old young man. teach him other coping mechanisms for his anxiety.