Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 10:48     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


This. It’s like people aren’t even allowed to have completely normal conversations anymore.


Oh come on. It is rude and intrusive. I am married to a monster and have been for 25 years, basically because my parents and aunts and uncles wouldn't stop asking. The only single thing anybody cared about was when I would settle down. That pressure was so relentless that it felt like the most important thing in the world, when it simply isn't. Do not EVER ask it.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 10:44     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


It's a rude question because it goes directly to a person's vulnerability. If a person is unhappy about that area of their life, it's a painful conversation and there's no good answer.



+1

Similar to asking about having children.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 10:44     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


Who are you banging? How’s it going?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 10:41     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:This is a common question on both sides of our family regarding my kids. I’m guilty of asking it too. I think it’s just a way to make conversation and show an interest in a family member. Try not to overthink it. You can simply say you don’t know or she doesn’t share that with you.


If you want to show interest, ask an open-ended question about what they do for fun, what they've been cooking, what good movies they've seen recently.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 10:40     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


It's a rude question because it goes directly to a person's vulnerability. If a person is unhappy about that area of their life, it's a painful conversation and there's no good answer.

Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 09:50     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
This is a common question on both sides of our family regarding my kids. I’m guilty of asking it too. I think it’s just a way to make conversation and show an interest in a family member. Try not to overthink it. You can simply say you don’t know or she doesn’t share that with you.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 09:18     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It has not occurred to me that this question (is she dating anyone special?) would be rude.

The question, when will you have kids, is rude. So is buying a house - who doesn't know that is very expensive today.

But, I have asked younger relatives are you dating anyone special, directly. Or if they are not around I have asked their parent.

The reason I have asked is, it is exciting! I am an earlier millennial who got married young so I have been married forever. I am glad to hear about who someone is dating, when they get engaged, etc.

I hope dating is not harder today. But some people say it is with all swiping and overwhelming choices.


Now you know it’s rude! We can all learn something. If someone wants you to know who they are dating, I promise they will they you.

Ps. I’m a gen x who has always that the question was prying. I also thought people who asked because it was “exciting” were a little sad and needed more going on in their own lives.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 09:12     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
It has not occurred to me that this question (is she dating anyone special?) would be rude.

The question, when will you have kids, is rude. So is buying a house - who doesn't know that is very expensive today.

But, I have asked younger relatives are you dating anyone special, directly. Or if they are not around I have asked their parent.

The reason I have asked is, it is exciting! I am an earlier millennial who got married young so I have been married forever. I am glad to hear about who someone is dating, when they get engaged, etc.

I hope dating is not harder today. But some people say it is with all swiping and overwhelming choices.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 09:04     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


I remember being that age and feeling sad that no one was interested in any other aspect of my life. None of the relatives asked about my travels, my conference paper, my dissertation, my career. Instead it felt like they thought I was a loser because I wasn’t married yet. I think it’s rude to treat women as one dimensional future baby breeders.


OP didn’t say or even imply that they never ask questions about any other aspect of her daughter’s life. What if your dissertation wasn’t going well and some rude, nosy relative had the audacity to ask you about it, triggering many painful emotions?

Most of you are off your rockers.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 09:02     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
I cannot imagine being so stressed about an adult child's romantic life (or lack thereof) that you're personally offended by an innocuous question from your MIL. It's not like she's some perfect stranger who has no reason to be interested in her granddaughter's life - is your relationship that strained?

Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 08:58     Subject: Re:older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:It would honestly never occur to me that this is a rude question.


This. It’s like people aren’t even allowed to have completely normal conversations anymore.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 08:46     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:For what its worth, this isn't much different for young men and their mothers either, they face similar line of questioning.


I somewhat jokingly ask my 23yo son once a month. I know if he cared about someone romantically he’d take better care of himself physically and have a goal to keep doing well at his job. (He’s a people pleaser). fortunately he has a good-paying job that he likes, but thinks he can continue to do the minimum (he can’t) and would rather play video games in his spare time
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 08:42     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why do people ask questions other people might not like or want to answer?


Other People can be offended by any question. Maybe they should use their words they don’t like it or don’t want to answer. how else would the person asking know?


OP should tell MIL that she doesn’t want to answer these questions. Then it is clearly rude if MIL brings it up again. Most people with decent social skills know not to keep bringing up such topics, particularly if the granddaughter doesn’t bring them up herself.

But there are some people who either socially clueless or purposely rude, like this poster, who need clearer instruction.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 08:39     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:Why do people ask questions other people might not like or want to answer?


Other People can be offended by any question. Maybe they should use their words they don’t like it or don’t want to answer. how else would the person asking know?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2024 08:23     Subject: older relatives always asking if my DD is "seeing anyone"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s not odd that she is 27 and single. It’s odd that she has Never had a long term relationship. You know that OP and that’s why you’re prickly about it.


Plenty of people somehow make it all the way to 27 without a longterm relationshio. Especially with the the way younger generations socialize differently than their elders.


Very true. And for most high earning careers, it requires years of college and training. Most people are not settled till early to mid-30s.


Disagree - college, grad school etc are great places to meet someone and be in a relationship, even if it doesn't work out. I am a late bloomer and still think 27 is a long way to go without dating anyone - it's unusual and hence OP bristles at the question.