Anonymous wrote:My oldest is a rising Senior and some of their classmates have started to post their (VERY) impressive commitments to elite colleges for athletics. I know it's only going to get worse over the next couple of months as the non-athletes start getting acceptances as well.

The smart and rational half of my brain wants to be happy for these kids and to just focus on helping my kid get into a school that is the right school for THEM - academically, socially, etc. - but it's fighting with the jealous, petty, competitive side of my brain.

I really don't want the bad half of my brain to be driving the train for the next six months. It will make our whole family miserable and probably give my kid a complex. I don't want to be coming to my husband with anxiety and worry about this, as he is a WONDERFUL and grounded human and the least tiger parent of them all. Despite having gone to an Ivy for undergrad.

How do you all manage this?

Please do whatever you need to do to avoid this.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t do social media because of this. And I kinda went quiet for a year when my oldest went through this process last year. It was brutal. I was genuinely happy for the kids but the parents were so, so annoying. And it was the other parents that gossiped so much about where kids were going and that they weren’t as smart as their kid. It was beyond ridiculous. In the end, everything will be okay. These are first world problems. Keep your chin up and know that good things come to those who wait.

I kinda went quiet for a year too. Skipped holiday parties and snuck in and out of events. I loved chatting with the kids who were actually applying; their parents were insufferable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. A known cheater from my children’s school committed to Swarthmore yesterday and, as I told my senior, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I don’t have Instagram so I only know what she tells me and that is more than enough.

Not to single out Swarthmore, because this is typical for top SLACs, but since you did:

Proportion of URMs on Swarthmore sports teams:
Men’s Basketball
3/17
Men’s Tennis
0/15
Men’s Swimming
2/28
Women’s softball
1/17
Women’s basketball
5/15
Women’s Field Hockey
0/25

I could have gone on, but I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach…

Social justice means nothing at these schools with athletic (white, non-URM) preferences so ingrained for 30% of a freshman class. And certainly not helping “diversity” when the majority of white kids on campus are athletes (Swarthmore is only 32% domestic white).

This doesn’t mean the of majority of the team is white. For example, the men’s tennis team is more than half South or East Asian.

The vast majority of athletes in top D3 SlACs are white. Not. Even. Close.

Anonymous wrote:D3 athletic commitment posts are flat out weird. The lax kids are are the worst from what my kid tells me, ridiculously self absorbed - I mean who cares if Finn, Braden or Shackelford “committed” to be full pay at a $95k/year Nescac or Swarthmore. I’ve heard that some private high schools even have “signing days” for these kids - total joke

Do you find it weird when someone posts on Instagram about their vacation to Ocean City because you should only brag about going to the Vinyard? Do you sneer when someone is excited they got a new job as a teacher because it isn’t as impressive as getting a job in finance? People are proud of themselves when they do stuff that makes them happy. It isn’t any deeper than that.

D3 athletic commitment posts are flat out weird. The lax kids are are the worst from what my kid tells me, ridiculously self absorbed - I mean who cares if Finn, Braden or Shackelford “committed” to be full pay at a $95k/year Nescac or Swarthmore. I’ve heard that some private high schools even have “signing days” for these kids - total joke

If it will help you to just enjoy your own kid then yes, go off of social media for a while. The reality is that a) some kids are smarter/better in sports/etc, etc and b) some kids are luckier and c) some kids come from families with more resources. My kids are in college now and I had to realize all of the above. This is life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. A known cheater from my children’s school committed to Swarthmore yesterday and, as I told my senior, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I don’t have Instagram so I only know what she tells me and that is more than enough.

My recently graduated DS said the known cheaters (so many including committed athletes) really are successful in college admittance. It's a hard lesson for the honest kids.

+1

This. I’ve already prepared my kid for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:committing to college for athletics is a different animal in my opinion. these kids will be "working" for their colleges, almost like having a job. their experience will be different. I'm happy for them if that's the path they want, but also don't feel any envy.

Building on this, while I'm sure it's nice to go have the college decision settled.bwfore senior year begins, it doesn't leave any room for pleasant surprises, i.e. the school your kid throws in the last-minute application tonl which winds up being "the one."

Yeah, being an athletic recruit just is a different timeline and experience. I don’t know that it is better or easier overall, but it does make for a less stressful winter. Plenty of stress earlier, when other kids aren’t thinking about college choices, though.

My kid just committed to a college, and he announced it on Instagram, as did his coaches. But in all likelihood the school he is going to is a safety for your kid. He parlayed his love and skill in this sport into a bump in his chances of getting into this school.

If you were to look at the schools athletic recruits actually go to, I think you’ll find that many aren’t prestigious, envy-worthy coups. But your eye (or your kids eye) probably skips right over those Instagram posts and focuses on the commits to Harvard and Amherst.

There is also the risk of committing to a school at 17 that you won’t attend for over a YEAR. Kids change. Interests change. Grades change. I hope it is the right thing for my kid, and I hope you can just see it as a slightly different path, not something better or worse. Your time is right around the corner.

You might consider therapy, meditation or volunteer work?

If half of your brain is jealous, petty and competitive…don’t you think you have probably already had a negative effect on how your children think/feel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep. A known cheater from my children’s school committed to Swarthmore yesterday and, as I told my senior, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I don’t have Instagram so I only know what she tells me and that is more than enough.

Not to single out Swarthmore, because this is typical for top SLACs, but since you did:

Proportion of URMs on Swarthmore sports teams:
Men’s Basketball
3/17
Men’s Tennis
0/15
Men’s Swimming
2/28
Women’s softball
1/17
Women’s basketball
5/15
Women’s Field Hockey
0/25

I could have gone on, but I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach…

Social justice means nothing at these schools with athletic (white, non-URM) preferences so ingrained for 30% of a freshman class. And certainly not helping “diversity” when the majority of white kids on campus are athletes (Swarthmore is only 32% domestic white).

This doesn’t mean the of majority of the team is white. For example, the men’s tennis team is more than half South or East Asian.

Anonymous wrote:I feel so proud of all the kids I know from my kid’s high school. Kids have found different places to go, some exploring new fields, some chasing long term passions. It’s really exciting to see where they have ended up. We are lucky in America to have so many options for higher education. No one school is “perfect” or the best. No one school is perfect for even one student; there are multiple paths any one kid can take to success. America also is a land of second chances, especially if you are willing to work hard and learn.

So much this. But I reject more social media follow requests that I accept. If you won’t play a current role in my life or you aren’t a relative or someone I’d want to have lunch with, you aren’t on my feed. So many of these kids I’ve known since kindergarten orientation. Or, I’ve known their parents since I was in HS or college. I care about these kids and loved seeing where they landed. Great results for great kids I’d know for a decade made me happy. I never saw it as a zero sum game.

Plus, we put in the time and thought on my own kids college lists. Even the safeties would have been good place for them. I was anxious when decisions came in, but Imdidnt spend the whole year being anxious, because even plan C was a good plan. And they both landed at ideal colleges *for them*.

That said, I am pulling away from social media about now until November because the election stuff does upset me sometime. If social media is a net negative in your life, be an adult and stay off of it.

Just accept the fact that life is not fair. Some kids no earlier where they will go to college, some kids will get into higher ranked school’s than yours. Neither of these things matter in the grands scheme of things. Just remember that life is a long term game and as the saying goes, s/he who dies with the most toys wins.

Anonymous wrote:Yep. A known cheater from my children’s school committed to Swarthmore yesterday and, as I told my senior, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I don’t have Instagram so I only know what she tells me and that is more than enough.

My recently graduated DS said the known cheaters (so many including committed athletes) really are successful in college admittance. It's a hard lesson for the honest kids.