Anonymous wrote:We live in a townhouse and my wife has been friendly towards the neighbor for a year or so now. The neighbors have one child who is one grade ahead of our older son. Apparently the neighbor went out of her way to tell my wife our son may not be invited to her sons birthday party but she’s also mentioned she’s isn’t sure if the boy will have one. My wife thought it was so strange to bring it up. Since they aren’t in the same grade and super close we didn’t assume he would be invited. We did invite the neighbors kid to our sons birthday party recently and everything was fine. We invited all of the boys and a few girls from the neighborhood around our sons age and everyone showed up and had a good time. The lady didn’t say we are just doing family or it’s going to be small, his grade whatever etc etc. She said her and her husband talked about it and they don’t think they could handle our son… and our son doesn’t have any history of being violent. He doesn’t go inside their house and their kid isn’t allowed inside other peoples homes. The neighbors kid does have a history of hitting other kids and he has hit our son a few times. My wife also says the lady doesn’t seem stable and gets angry at the child for things that seem unnecessary. I do think there are several things that seem off, but I don’t think my wife should have cut the neighbors off completely. They are also a different race than my wife. My wife said she doesn’t care about this neighbor anymore and doesn’t want to make small talk or pretend they are friends. She directly told the lady she’s no longer interested in developing a friendship and hasn’t talked to her in a months or so. In my culture we aren’t direct like that. We would still be friendly with the neighbor even if we don’t like them, agree with them etc. There were also issues with the mom giving my wife unsolicited parenting advice. She went on a girls trip and the lady was giving her a hard time for not taking the kids. If our house wasn’t attached it would feel less awkward. I have been giving her a hard time because I feel she should have spoken to me before cutting them off. I do not talk to the dad. We smile at each other but that’s it. My wife does engage with other people in the neighborhood. After that incident she was more willing to talk to other moms at the bus stop and our kids have actually had several play dates set up now. She’s not friends with any of these parents but is friendly towards them and sets up play dates, try’s to get them in the same after school activities etc. She said she doesn’t wasn’t to get too close to anyone in the neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you followed up to state that your wife was pg.

When I was pg, I always circled my wagons a little closer and was even less willing to invite nuttiness into my world. It's called nesting. This nutty neighbour burned a bridge and now your wife has even less interest in engaging with others in case they are nuts too.

I had the exact same thing happen with my first and second pregnancies (same nutty neighbour). We moved. I was friendly with everyone but didn't want to engage on a deeper level after dealing with the unpredictable behaviour. That way I could still maintain respect for others/not see their crazy.

Having said that, your situation rises to a different level- this kid hits and punched your kid- in the FACE several times?? Get these kids away from each other. There was a reason no one was comfortable with these kids being in each others homes to begin with. Go with that same instinct. Smile and wave from afar and disengage.

Anonymous wrote:Does your wife need permission to end her own friendships? Does she also need permission to leave the house or drive her car?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to America. You are wrong, your wife is right. Be happy you’ve dodged a bullet with these loons. Did you say you don't even interact with the husband? What the hell do you care? Learn how to write, too.

This post being a good example of bad writing.

Op. Culturally neighbors are seen as an extension of your family. It’s very unusual to cut a neighbor off. Sounds like it’s happens over here and it’s okay. Wife said it probably would have gotten worse if she didn’t end it abruptly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what culture are neighbors an extension of your family?

Lots of Asians cultures. We don’t move. It’s normal for our families to have land and we live there forever and keep building on the land. Americans move around so much. We don’t have starter homes and a lot of us pay cash for our homes to be built. We will say neighbors are aunts and uncles. It’s actually bad manners to call them neighbors especially in front of others.

Anonymous wrote:In what culture are neighbors an extension of your family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your wife is 100% within her right to not socialize with people like your neighbor. You should learn from her and grow a backbone.

Op her socializing and being neighborly are two different things for me. I don’t socialize with the husband but I’m friendly. I smile and acknowledge that he’s around when I see him.

The neighbor was being extremely rude and completely clueless about your child. Your wife stood up for her son. You should do the same and stop being a doormat. No reason to be friendly or neighborly with people like your neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems needlessly escalating to tell the woman she was cutting her off instead of graadually cutting back interaction or pretending to be extra busy. She has every right to end the friendship, but no need to fan the flames by announcing it!

Nope. You want to single out my child for no reason, I'll be very direct about it.

I am the person you quoted. My own mother stopped talking to our neighbor because she yelled at my brother once. I was 4 years old and they lived next door until she died 44 years later. It is ridiculous to hold a grudge that long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems needlessly escalating to tell the woman she was cutting her off instead of graadually cutting back interaction or pretending to be extra busy. She has every right to end the friendship, but no need to fan the flames by announcing it!

Nope. You want to single out my child for no reason, I'll be very direct about it.

I am the person you quoted. My own mother stopped talking to our neighbor because she yelled at my brother once. I was 4 years old and they lived next door until she died 44 years later. It is ridiculous to hold a grudge that long.