Anonymous wrote:Question for parents of adult kids: what is your system for contributing to your kid’s big life events in a way that is fair (assuming you can afford to and would like to)? Example life events: wedding, showers, first home purchase, grandkids, etc.

No “system”.

So far, it’s been fairly even. As it turned out, their college costs were close enough to call the same. We have put in ROTH IRAs since they earned money.- that is a little uneven, but it is not far off. Each got a similar 3-4 year old car when they were in college. No weddings or plan to buy a house yet. We are selling our house next year and down sizing. Plan to give each around $100k from that - so they can add to their down payment when they finally buy. Doubtful there will be any grandchildren, but open to the possibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grandkids who were white got lots of money for private school and college. The ones who weren’t white got a small sum for community college. My parents are really bad people.

Did you ask for help with a different school or is that where the kids ended up?

for PP, I'm sure the issue it's more than just Black & White. I got more out of my parents because I was more studious and discipline and close to my parents.
My sibling didn't so she got the short end of the stick.

Ugh. Parents should not reward the easier child like that.

Why not? If it's "Kid A works their ass off, has a 4.0, took 10 APs, 1500+ and wants $60K/year for college" and "Kid B barely completed school work and has a 2.8, doesn't take any challenging courses despite being capable, doesn't give 100%, has no diagnosed learning issues or ADHD (parents checked)"---then I'm not paying $60K/year for Kid B to attend college on the other side of the country. They most likely need to go in-state or CC to find their path first. Not wasting money on that. But If I can afford it, I would pay for Kid A to attend school of their choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grandkids who were white got lots of money for private school and college. The ones who weren’t white got a small sum for community college. My parents are really bad people.

Did you ask for help with a different school or is that where the kids ended up?

for PP, I'm sure the issue it's more than just Black & White. I got more out of my parents because I was more studious and discipline and close to my parents.
My sibling didn't so she got the short end of the stick.

Ugh. Parents should not reward the easier child like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The grandkids who were white got lots of money for private school and college. The ones who weren’t white got a small sum for community college. My parents are really bad people.

Did you ask for help with a different school or is that where the kids ended up?

for PP, I'm sure the issue it's more than just Black & White. I got more out of my parents because I was more studious and discipline and close to my parents.
My sibling didn't so she got the short end of the stick.

Anonymous wrote:The grandkids who were white got lots of money for private school and college. The ones who weren’t white got a small sum for community college. My parents are really bad people.

Did you ask for help with a different school or is that where the kids ended up?

I’m the sibling who has received less and I’m completely fine with it. Sibling makes less and really we all have plenty of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family the needier/less put together kids get more.

This is me, but we didn't know until we were going through their finances much later in life. Sibling who we thought was doing really well was actually a financial mess relying on parents to pay credit card bills that regularly got out of hand

This is us. One sibling has failed to launch and gets bailed out at every avenue. Been like that for 10 years.

We have a situation where one kids college cost significantly less than what was saved in their 529. They can use the rest for grad school. The other kid, we are cash flowing +529 for their school, their will be nothing left over.

We have saved/earmarked an amount for each kids wedding (one boy, one girl), and if they elope and use the money for a down-payment or have a huge wedding, we don't care - their choice.

When each kid was born, one set of grandparents put $10k in a mutual fund for them. We have let that grow and haven't touched it - that will get them started after college (or for grad school as needed). We intend to do similar for our future grand children