I don't cater to picky adults. They can decide if they eat or not. My SIL is picky as hell.

AFRID is an eating disorder, a mental illness, not a neurological condition. Cultural factors do contribute but do not entirely explain it. It needs treatment and someone with disordered eating that severe should take care of their own food needs or, if a child, have their parents do so. Not everyone should accommodate it.

My mom is a picky eater and I don’t accommodate all her preferences, but will respect some such as not liking cheese. She has tried a lot of food I’ve made that she thought she wouldn’t like, and ended up loving it.

I don’t host a lot of other people for more than a night or two, so it’s not usually an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about allergies or restrictions. I’m talking straight-up adult picky eaters.

My parents are visiting soon, and my local brother and his husband are coming over as well for a few meals.

Dad and my brother are picky: meat and potatoes, no fish, no “funny shaped pasta.” Feeding them for multiple meals is challenging, especially Dad who is an overnight guest. I’ve dealt with this for years.

I’m starting to think screw it, I’ll make what I make and if they don’t like it they can help themselves to PB&J or order their own takeout…

Completely cater to anyone. Get a premarinated meat and either baked potato or a bag of frozen mash potatoes for them. Easy and done.

And no garlic in those mashed potatoes! You don't want flavor to sneak up on someone.

Anonymous wrote:How many meals will your dad or brother prepare? I have a feeling the answer is zero.

Are you a woman and cooking all the meals?

Do you usually invite guests to your house and make them cook?

How many meals will your dad or brother prepare? I have a feeling the answer is zero.

Are you a woman and cooking all the meals?

I don’t really lol. If I know there’s something specific they don’t like (ie fish) I won’t make it, but I’m not changing an entire menu or buying specific stuff for picky ass princesses.
As adults we are free to make our own decisions, sometimes that is eating the food your host graciously makes for you and sometimes that is going to get your own food because you can’t be f***ed. Either way, don’t complain to me 😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't. Picky adult eaters have 3 options:

- eat what I make/order/serve
- pick around what I eat/order/serve
- bring or make their own food, and clean up after themselves.

OP here. I think I’m ready to go into this mode.

And to another PP’s point, yes it really is a lot for a week of cooking for two houseguests (all meals and snacks) and at least 4 “bigger dinners” with the other visitors. My nuclear family alone is 5 people, so even the volume for 9 people is challenging, plus on top of that I do at least one meal where my local cousin and her family of 5 comes over as well. So even grilling is quite a volume game.

I can’t even ask DCUM for advice because the typical “baked ziti” and “chicken shawarma” will not work for my Dad especially.

For the large gatherings, could you just do pizza or Peruvian chicken and a selection of sides? Do your dad and brother like the same things? If yes, it would be easier to deal with, but if they are picky about different things, forget it!

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about allergies or restrictions. I’m talking straight-up adult picky eaters.

My parents are visiting soon, and my local brother and his husband are coming over as well for a few meals.

Dad and my brother are picky: meat and potatoes, no fish, no “funny shaped pasta.” Feeding them for multiple meals is challenging, especially Dad who is an overnight guest. I’ve dealt with this for years.

I’m starting to think screw it, I’ll make what I make and if they don’t like it they can help themselves to PB&J or order their own takeout…

Completely cater to anyone. Get a premarinated meat and either baked potato or a bag of frozen mash potatoes for them. Easy and done.

Just make basic food. I wouldn’t worry about snacks. Roast chicken, roasted potatoes, and green beans. Meat loaf, orzo (or mashed potatoes if orzo is considered funny shaped pasta), and spinach. Basic spaghetti with meat sauce, steamed broccoli, and garlic bread. Burgers and fries. Fried chicken, Mac and cheese, and tossed salad.

This isn’t hard.

I was going to say I'm not very tolerant, but this seems pretty easy to accommodate so I guess I'd stick to rotating proteins/carbs/vegetables for the visit.

I try to make sure that there are at least 1-2 dishes (could be the sides) per meal that the picky eaters, for whatever reason, can accommodate. That seems like basic good manners when hosting guests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the pasta shape thing. The adult picky eaters I know have aversions to tastes or textures (and are willing to try new things, they just often don’t like them), but ziti tastes like farfalle, doesn’t it?

The different kinds of pasta thing is a texture thing.

I personally think picky eaters have a personality defect and it's infantile. My dad is very picky too and my mom went out of her way to cater to it. We're very close and they come over weekly to eat at my house. Guess what? He eats my food. Sometimes I see him make funny faces (he doesn't mean to) as he eats, but he eats it. I do try to have a few things he likes, but I'm not avoiding pasta entirely because he doesn't like it.

I think parents are doing their kids a big disservice by allowing them to be picky eaters. It's one thing to hate weird food (escargot, duck eggs, steak tartare) but normal food like fish and pasta should be fine. I went to a seafood restaurant with a 30 year old once, he asked me how would he know if he had a shellfish allergy. He'd never eaten any seafood, including shrimp in his life. I was stunned.

Normal? Fish smells horrible.

Fish tops the list of foods people do not like. I would not serve it to someone I did not know well.

It's not even close to chicken salad, potato salad, or pasta salad.

Only on DCUM. And it's probably just you and one or two other mayonnaise obsessed posters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the pasta shape thing. The adult picky eaters I know have aversions to tastes or textures (and are willing to try new things, they just often don’t like them), but ziti tastes like farfalle, doesn’t it?

The different kinds of pasta thing is a texture thing.

I personally think picky eaters have a personality defect and it's infantile. My dad is very picky too and my mom went out of her way to cater to it. We're very close and they come over weekly to eat at my house. Guess what? He eats my food. Sometimes I see him make funny faces (he doesn't mean to) as he eats, but he eats it. I do try to have a few things he likes, but I'm not avoiding pasta entirely because he doesn't like it.

I think parents are doing their kids a big disservice by allowing them to be picky eaters. It's one thing to hate weird food (escargot, duck eggs, steak tartare) but normal food like fish and pasta should be fine. I went to a seafood restaurant with a 30 year old once, he asked me how would he know if he had a shellfish allergy. He'd never eaten any seafood, including shrimp in his life. I was stunned.

Normal? Fish smells horrible.

Fish tops the list of foods people do not like. I would not serve it to someone I did not know well.

It's not even close to chicken salad, potato salad, or pasta salad.

I know an adult picky eater who is the total opposite — will not tell their MIL they don’t eat XYZ and subsist off plain sandwich bread whenever visiting the in laws because everything contains XYZ. Frankly I’m amazed the MIL hasn’t noticed or the spouse hasn’t said anything!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the pasta shape thing. The adult picky eaters I know have aversions to tastes or textures (and are willing to try new things, they just often don’t like them), but ziti tastes like farfalle, doesn’t it?

The different kinds of pasta thing is a texture thing.

I personally think picky eaters have a personality defect and it's infantile. My dad is very picky too and my mom went out of her way to cater to it. We're very close and they come over weekly to eat at my house. Guess what? He eats my food. Sometimes I see him make funny faces (he doesn't mean to) as he eats, but he eats it. I do try to have a few things he likes, but I'm not avoiding pasta entirely because he doesn't like it.

I think parents are doing their kids a big disservice by allowing them to be picky eaters. It's one thing to hate weird food (escargot, duck eggs, steak tartare) but normal food like fish and pasta should be fine. I went to a seafood restaurant with a 30 year old once, he asked me how would he know if he had a shellfish allergy. He'd never eaten any seafood, including shrimp in his life. I was stunned.

You clearly don’t know anyone with ARFID. My teen would starve herself to fainting rather than eat food with textures she can’t tolerate. All of these neurological problems are getting more and more prevalent.

Why is this, though?

Certain neurological conditions are on the rise, as are certain auto immune and auto inflammatory conditions. Scientists are still trying to figure out why. It's probably a combination of factors.

What is clear, is that's it's not parenting, because these conditions appear in families with a wide variety of parenting styles, and that while our understanding of causes may be increasing, it hasn't yet led to strategies that can ameliorate or reverse these conditions.

My family has experienced a devasting life limiting auto inflammatory condition that is on the rise for unknown reasons. Of course we want to know, and support research to find out, why these conditions are increasing so that other children and families don't suffer like ours. But saying "Why is it?" isn't an excuse not to provide individuals with these conditions the support they need. Both things need to happen, there needs to be research into why sensory conditions like AFRID are on the rise, and we need to love and feed and nurture the people who have AFRID. It's not either/or.