Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On her Instagram, JLH seems to indicate both she and her husband have come out as queer for Pride Month. That may explain why her husband was okay with the affair.

Trying to soften the blow that this news about the affair is going to have. By hijacking Pride to come out, so she can distract people with that, and maybe at the same time, portray herself as a noble advocate and not a predatory older authority figure. Disgusting.

+100

Queerness and bisexuality and the choice of an open marriage are all of course okay and even in the case of the first two something to celebrate and embrace (I view open marriage as a lifestyle choice akin to whether you live in a city or suburb or have a dog or not -- a personal choice that is neither good nor bad but just is).

But this isn't about JLH being queer or she and her husband having an open marriage. This is about her trying to conceal her exploitation of a young student at her university by casting it as an expression of queerness. Nope. Enjoying the thrill of an illicit affair with someone much younger and over whom you wield unique power is not queerness. It's not a kink either. It's just being a $hitty person.

JLH may be queer but she's also an a$$hole and those two things don't actually have much to do with one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 22 year old can vote, die in a war, rent a car. They are old enough to make adult decisions. To say otherwise is to infantilize them. So this relationship does not seem problematic to me.

Agree. Let adults do what they want. There are imbalances of power EVERYWHERE.

I am positive that if this was a straight relationship between a white male dean twice her age and a young student, the people defending this would be calling for the head of the dean.

She called for her own head 12 years ago, brah.
She resigned from Stanford right after the affair ended[b], and Stanford rewrote its fraternization policy as a result

because the parents reported her....

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

Did she report the relationship? If so, who did she report it to?

No - the parents reported the relationship after the relationship had been ended by the student...and the student told her parents ....and they flipped out (understandably)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 22 year old can vote, die in a war, rent a car. They are old enough to make adult decisions. To say otherwise is to infantilize them. So this relationship does not seem problematic to me.

Agree. Let adults do what they want. There are imbalances of power EVERYWHERE.

I am positive that if this was a straight relationship between a white male dean twice her age and a young student, the people defending this would be calling for the head of the dean.

I would feel the same way if it were a white male dean. This relationship should not have started and it was the Dean's responsibility to halt that....both as the "adult with power" and for the professionalism/integrity required of a Dean. But given the relationship that ensued and the student ending it on their own with positive feelings of the relationship no complaints - I still would not agree with the parents reframing her relationship in the way that they did. They infused a lot of psychological damage and doubt. I think the Dean acted fully inappropriately but I think they both had genuine positive relationship (that's true whether the Dean was a white male or a woman of color).

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who doesn’t think this is so bad? It’s not like she had control over her grades — and it doesn’t sound like she tried to have control over them either. Haas was 22, not 17 or even 18. Not sure where the “vile” comments are coming from.

I am one of the PPs who thinks a 22yo is an adult who can make their own decisions. There are other comments in the same vein but not by me. I think it was really poor judgment, but not vile or evil. Definitely would advise my kid strongly against such a relationship and warn them not to become infatuated with "powerful" people. Also, I think the secret nature of the relationship was a big tip off that it would not end well. But I don't see this in the same immoral/evil territory as other prominent abuse stories. Someone else pointed out that power imbalances are everywhere and that's true. Any time a celeb dates a non-celeb, for example. Or any person of high rank in a company dating a lower rank. I think it's immoral if powerful person uses status to coerce or maintain the relationship or bully the other person. It's good that the school revised the rules to prevent undergrads dating faculty or staff. They could have just waited to date until she graduated, but even then I think most people would still think it was sketchy and poor judgment.

She resigned only after the student’s parents informed Stanford about what happened. And to try to cover it up and keep it quiet, she resigned rather than be terminated.

She is a thoroughly unethical leader.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 22 year old can vote, die in a war, rent a car. They are old enough to make adult decisions. To say otherwise is to infantilize them. So this relationship does not seem problematic to me.

Agree. Let adults do what they want. There are imbalances of power EVERYWHERE.

I am positive that if this was a straight relationship between a white male dean twice her age and a young student, the people defending this would be calling for the head of the dean.

She called for her own head 12 years ago, brah.
She resigned from Stanford right after the affair ended, and Stanford rewrote its fraternization policy as a result

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


After reading the essay, it seems like two equally awful people found each other. This is what compelled the author of the essay to confess to her long-term boyfriend that she was cheating on him with the dean- " I started to imagine a life with him, and I fantasized about the lifestyle afforded by someone with his job in tech...Thinking my confession would lead to a swell of strings in a climactic scene of profound connection and self-actualization, I shared my secret...He sobbed and wouldn’t touch me."

+1 nothing illegal, just unethical. Unfortunate the younger is trying to get more attention for her writing by spilling her guts.

So... "just" unethical is fine?

And another example here of throwing the then-student under the bus and making her a villain, while letting the former dean off the hook as "just" unethical.

Anonymous wrote:I really enjoyed JLH’s work a lot. I’m sorry to read this.

She was quoted in the NYT just last week in an article giving advice to raising college freshman.

Okay.

Did she report the relationship? If so, who did she report it to?

Anonymous wrote:
Here’s a faculty member comment posted elsewhere:
JULY 11, 2024
I’ve been Stanford faculty for many years. It is true that Stanford’s sexual harassment policy did not explicitly forbid all undergrad-faculty relationships until 2013 (shortly after the relationship described above, and I suspect changed in part because of it). However, starting in 2002, there was a very notable exception: Any member of the Stanford community who was in a relationship with someone over whom they had a supervisory or evaluative role needed to disclose the relationship to the university and recuse themselves from that supervisory role (e.g. faculty or student switches out of a shared course, student changes labs, etc…). Due to the inherent nature of an undergraduate dean and associate vice provost’s responsibilities, it would have been impractical at best to recuse themselves from a supervisory role over an undergrad. So if the dean did indeed claim the relationship wasn’t in violation of university policies, she was either wrong or lying.

https://stanfordmag.org/c...ationships (https://stanfordmag.org/c...ationships)

Corrected link

https://stanfordmag.org/contents/new-rules-on-relationships

This is from 2002.

Stanford’s new policy, which went into effect this year, states that such sexual or romantic relationships are “inconsistent with the proper role of the teacher” and “the University therefore very strongly discourages [them].” It also states that anyone in a “position of greater authority or power” in a consensual relationship—faculty, staff or student—must report the relationship to his or her supervisor, department chair, dean or human resources officer. That person also must recuse himself or herself from any supervisory or evaluative role over the other person in the relationship. Failure to take either step is grounds for discipline by a faculty committee. Previously, the policy contained just a “note” explaining some of the pitfalls inherent in consensual relationships.

Here’s a faculty member comment posted elsewhere:
JULY 11, 2024
I’ve been Stanford faculty for many years. It is true that Stanford’s sexual harassment policy did not explicitly forbid all undergrad-faculty relationships until 2013 (shortly after the relationship described above, and I suspect changed in part because of it). However, starting in 2002, there was a very notable exception: Any member of the Stanford community who was in a relationship with someone over whom they had a supervisory or evaluative role needed to disclose the relationship to the university and recuse themselves from that supervisory role (e.g. faculty or student switches out of a shared course, student changes labs, etc…). Due to the inherent nature of an undergraduate dean and associate vice provost’s responsibilities, it would have been impractical at best to recuse themselves from a supervisory role over an undergrad. So if the dean did indeed claim the relationship wasn’t in violation of university policies, she was either wrong or lying.

https://stanfordmag.org/c...ationships (https://stanfordmag.org/c...ationships)

Anonymous wrote:


After reading the essay, it seems like two equally awful people found each other. This is what compelled the author of the essay to confess to her long-term boyfriend that she was cheating on him with the dean- " I started to imagine a life with him, and I fantasized about the lifestyle afforded by someone with his job in tech...Thinking my confession would lead to a swell of strings in a climactic scene of profound connection and self-actualization, I shared my secret...He sobbed and wouldn’t touch me."

+1 nothing illegal, just unethical. Unfortunate the younger is trying to get more attention for her writing by spilling her guts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 22 year old can vote, die in a war, rent a car. They are old enough to make adult decisions. To say otherwise is to infantilize them. So this relationship does not seem problematic to me.

Agree. Let adults do what they want. There are imbalances of power EVERYWHERE.

I am positive that if this was a straight relationship between a white male dean twice her age and a young student, the people defending this would be calling for the head of the dean.

Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Spot on, PP.

She/He/They/Them is/are hideous.