Anonymous wrote:7:04 again. I didn't have the money. If you have the money I would seriously consider a no screens school with fewer rules on grades and things like that. Will help him develop other interests. The New School is another one like this. You have to get into these schools earlier or else they won't take your child.

I’m the previous poster who suggested a screen-free overnight camp asap and also asked what school he’ll go to next year. If it’s APS he will be on a screen all. day. long. and there are also no phone restrictions in high school that I am aware of. The high schools are also so big that he’s not going to get the attention he needs from teachers/staff that he needs, either. I agree that if you should try and find a screen-free school if possible.

Like other posters have said, you’ve got to throw money at this.

As for his siblings, there is no way his behavior won’t start affecting them and then you’ll have more fires to put out. It sounds like he sucks the oxygen out of the house. As hard as it is for parents to deal with a kid like this, imagine being a sibling and having to live in a house where all this is going on. That’s not fair.

(And as a side note, as a society we have really screwed up our kids by giving them access to hand-held technology as young as PK. It’s just so sad.)

Anonymous wrote:I really doubt that a young teenager is able to break through computer and phone passwords let alone a SAFE, when properly deployed. This is like people saying their Facebook was hacked when what they mean is someone made a fake account or guessed that their password was 1234.

I figured this was a troll from page 1. Nobody is this clueless about parenting. And op is full of excuses about why she can’t do what actually needs to be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long has he been without electronics today?

OP here. He has been without *his* phone or *his* computer for almost a week as of tomorrow. But today, he found a sibling’s device while sibling was at camp and then stole my credit card from my wallet while I was in a meeting and bought himself online gaming crap. That’s when I started getting fraud alerts from my bank. While I was in a meeting!

This child should not have a phone or a computer of his own- at all. Siblings electronics and your wallet should never be left somewhere he can find them. He needs 24/7 monitoring, you cannot leave him alone even for a meeting.

7:04 again. I didn't have the money. If you have the money I would seriously consider a no screens school with fewer rules on grades and things like that. Will help him develop other interests. The New School is another one like this. You have to get into these schools earlier or else they won't take your child.

My child had/has a screen addiction and is now an adult. I had really wanted to send him to a Waldorf school or something like this. Loving and fostering independence but free from screens. I thought it would seem like less of a punishment and play to his interest in the arts.

I really doubt that a young teenager is able to break through computer and phone passwords let alone a SAFE, when properly deployed. This is like people saying their Facebook was hacked when what they mean is someone made a fake account or guessed that their password was 1234.

Hi op. In my opinion you have a five alarm fire here and I think you know that, but are also a little too worried about fairness with siblings and calling him an ahole to fully respond (I understand as I can imagine how frustrating!). First thing: meds. I can’t imagine why on earth you wouldn’t do meds on weekends and summers if you are experiencing these behaviors. It’s really not appropriate. I know the dr recommended but they aren’t always right, push back. He’s suffering and everyone is setting him up to fail saying ok he needs these meds but.. not in summer! No, he needs them full stop. Of course he is going to be impulsive and dysregulated over the summer without his meds.

Ok second thing: I highly recommend you throw out any worries of fairness and parent this child in the way he needs right now. Fair doesn’t always mean equal. Your child has a screen addiction. I would be shocked if that’s not the case. It is real and can be a real addiction. Your entire family is going to have to pivot as a result to help him.

First, read up on screen addiction and try to get in with someone who specializes in it. You’re going to need specific tools. And you’re going to have to spend money. Talk to your husband - say we have a five alarm fire here. We’re going to need to go all in to stop it but it’s worth it because this is our child and we know that he is good, he is suffering right now. We know he is good deep down but he is unable to be that person right now and we have to help him back. You have to believe this and more importantly, your kid needs to know you believe this. So all the stuff you said in your post about him - get it out, normal to feel that way but throw it out. Stop thinking of him as an ahole trying to piss you off. He is a suffering kid with screen addiction who needs intervention asap.

Ok next thing; back to the siblings, yes there is no way to get rid of screens, you work from home etc. But you may have to come up with a family plan for screens that drastically lowers your family’s screen time generally. You’ll basically have to say to your other kids x is struggling, we as a family need to support him and have a plan to do it. I’m not saying remove their phones totally but in the house figuring out a plan.

And don’t be worried about this person getting this camp or that. This son is absolutely going to need more money, more intervention right now. In 5 years another kid might need something else and you will be there for them. If it was me, I would have him at a fantastic screen free summer camp (there are many) for most of the summer. It may be too late for that but honestly it’s possible you could still get in a 3 or 4 week one that starts end of July.

But probably before that you need to talk to someone experienced with true screen addiction and get their recommendations for next steps. It’s going to be uncomfortable for all of you to solve this but going on like this won’t end well. He’s showing all the signs - disinterest in everything else, behaviors to keep the addiction going, unable to stop etc etc

He likely has addiction and psychotic tendencies. Autism and adhd too. He is going to have these for life

I know a lot of down syndrome kids addicted to screens. Why can't he just be on screens? He's going to be into some sort of addiction either way? Better that he doesn't hate you for it. Why not just leave him alone with his screens?

When we take it away he will pilfer through the house trying to find his phone or computer. He has hacked our safe to access them. He mostly steals from family to buy crap in these games.

Video game addiction? I had a relative who was addicted to gambling, and the behaviors are very similar.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23124-video-game-addiction

I have snow young adult who did many of these things. He was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics which helped with the behaviors but did t extinguish them.

We spent probably years locking things in the car and sleeping with the keys. We did residential treatment in a program for juvenile delinquents but if your husband won’t pay for outward bound, he’s not likely to pay for residential either. Also military school sounds good but they dont take troubled kids.

I don’t have easy answers for you. We lived through 8 years of on again off again hell. I think it sounds good to go to law enforcement or the bank but having lived through something similar, I think it’s something to make you feel better and not likely to make any difference. We eventually had to come to peace with letting whatever happens happen. We also didn’t pick battles like limiting cellphone use because it was ineffective.

I also don’t understand stopping meds. Does your psychiatrist know how bad it is?

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing the doctor said only take adhd meds during the school year. He is clearly struggling with impulse control. Please consider medicating the ADHD year round and if current meds aren’t cutting it, explore other options.

This child need a full evaluation as there is much more than just ADHD going on here.

I have a hard time believing the doctor said only take adhd meds during the school year. He is clearly struggling with impulse control. Please consider medicating the ADHD year round and if current meds aren’t cutting it, explore other options.

Put camera's everywhere. Ground him to his room/no electronics, he may only come out supervised for food/bathroom, and get him a therapist and mental health evaluation as that's not normal. He's probably watching you with the codes or you are using easy ones.

Maybe this program in DC?:
https://dhs.dc.gov/service/parent-and-adolescent-support-intensive-case-management-pass-icm