Will you feel worse in 3 years if you flame out more if you didn’t try at all?

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the schocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Op is a troll. More "details" keep coming out, not answering specific questions, the basic story doesn't add up.

DP. She's answering some questions by providing additional details. Have some patience.

Um, she's not. Why is this not do-able in a few years? How is the 70 hour per week assistance being paid-out of pocket or by the company? How kids are there really? Why does it think this with so much travel is possible if op quit her job 6 months ago?

Also, what medical needs does the DS child have? What specialists are there? That's key to help think about how possible this is.

Op here. That’s not my question though. I’ve already looked into this deeply-the specialist availability, therapists, schools. I am comfortable about all of this. My concern I think is more about myself and whether I am up to the task of doing this. I am worried I just don’t have it in me, even if I really WANT to be capable. I of course wouldn’t even be considering the possibility (and certainly wouldn’t have accepted the role!) if I was worried about finding an appropriate school or doctor.

The only thing that would give me pause is that Downs is almost non existent in Scandinavia. Iceland being the most extreme. You may have people questioning your choices in uncomfortable ways and fewer professionals with experience. But hopefully such occurrences would be rare and balanced by the otherwise accepting environment.

I would go for it since it is temporary and you wouldn’t be giving up a job to do it, but try to connect with some special needs locals if possible

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the shocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Sacandanavia is not a country

Is this job with a US company or a Scandinavian country? If it's a US company, does the Scandinavian sick leave benefit apply?

Op here. I need to keep the details vague because of how much I’m sharing here, sorry. The benefits are great though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the shocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Sacandanavia is not a country

Is this job with a US company or a Scandinavian country? If it's a US company, does the Scandinavian sick leave benefit apply?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the shocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Sacandanavia is not a country

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the schocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Op is a troll. More "details" keep coming out, not answering specific questions, the basic story doesn't add up.

DP. She's answering some questions by providing additional details. Have some patience.

Um, she's not. Why is this not do-able in a few years? How is the 70 hour per week assistance being paid-out of pocket or by the company? How kids are there really? Why does it think this with so much travel is possible if op quit her job 6 months ago?

Also, what medical needs does the DS child have? What specialists are there? That's key to help think about how possible this is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the schocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Op is a troll. More "details" keep coming out, not answering specific questions, the basic story doesn't add up.

DP. She's answering some questions by providing additional details. Have some patience.

Um, she's not. Why is this not do-able in a few years? How is the 70 hour per week assistance being paid-out of pocket or by the company? How kids are there really? Why does it think this with so much travel is possible if op quit her job 6 months ago?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the schocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

Op is a troll. More "details" keep coming out, not answering specific questions, the basic story doesn't add up.

DP. She's answering some questions by providing additional details. Have some patience.

PP here,

If you're looking at living in or around a capital city, I'd talk to the Community Liason Officer at the embassy. Although their job is specifically to serve people attached to the embassy, they'll likely have connections to share.

Are you thinking that your child with Down syndrome will be in the local school system, and using local providers, or that you will look for an English speaking school and only English speaking providers?

I think either is possible, but they are very different approaches.

Also, what issues is your kid needing medical care for? The health needs of kids with Down syndrome vary greatly, and there's a lot of difference between a kid with something like a successful heart repair, and a thyroid problem, and a kid with ongoing heart issues and Hirschsprung.

Either way, I think a good combination would be a higher level house manager and an au pair. So, you have someone who has the skills to take mental load off of you, and manage your kid's schedule, and tasks like looking for providers or keeping track of changing therapy routines, and not just two au pairs who probably won't be up for the more complicated tasks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

The tough truth

I think this attitude is bullshit.

Maybe some are envious? Wouldn't put it past anyone.

And things DO get easier as children get older.

OP, ask similarly situated people, if you can find them. (Perhaps there are expat SN groups abroad?) Ask your children's therapists. And go with your gut. Don't rely a ton on info you get here. Take it all with a grain of salt.

If your child is mainstreamed, this is likely doable.

Your dreams are worth nurturing. It's your turn.

And I also think that it's crucially important for SN moms to diversify their lives. You just can't put everything in the "basket" of "children."

And it's great to model this sort of entrepreneurial spirit for your children. You would want them to have the freedom to pick one option or the other, right?

Increasingly, I know that by taking care of my own needs and desires, I'm taking care of my children in the most sustainable, least resentment-inducing way.

Congratulations, by the way! You should be proud of your accomplishments! I'm sorry it's bringing some stress, though!

Oh wow, OP, I would go for it. The pain of forgoing this sort of opportunity could be really, really hard to quantify, and you don't want to resent passing it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you should do it. And don’t take this the wrong way, but you should also lower your expectations for what you need to do wrt your DS. It’s OK not to maximize every single therapy and possibility. You sound like an amazing mom who will continue to be amazing but it is simply not rational to forgo this opportunity because you’re killing yourself to be super SN mom. My kid has more mild needs and my career isn’t the greatest - but tbh I’m kind of lazy anyway and wasn’t meant to have a high flying career anyway.

Op here. Thank you! You’re probably right. I’ve gotten more intense around DS as we’ve been leading up to kindergarten which feels like a big inflection point.

My only fear is I do feel a bit of imposter syndrome….like I can’t believe I landed this job? I’m not the highest energy person. I just have a super niche skill set. But I quit my job 6 months ago because I couldn’t handle working my normal job (not super cool Scandinavian job) and my DS (and other kids). It’s scary to think about going back to work, moving overseas, etc. But I have truly been preparing for this for 20 years….like ever since college. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make this happen.

Honestly, I see you lasting 6 months at the most. If you can't handle US + normal job there is no way you are surviving 3 years overseas.

Cool it, PP. OP has a great opportunity and she is rightfully nervous. Can we just be supportive?

Scandinavia is far more family friendly than US, so quality of life will be better. My only slight concern is that they don't really have an emphasis on preventive medicine and they can be anti-vax. As a country, their healthcare system is better so they can absorb the schocks of getting sick, and work sick leave is better. Just make sure that your community will get down syndrome.

I'd love to hear more about family friendly perks there. What programs? Are they available to second you arrive or do you have to be a resident for a while?

depends on the specific country

Ok, pick one. I'm keep hearing about these amazing benefits but no details. Do they actual exist?