PP from above: we got a lot of feedback from other ppl telling us we sucked at parenting and “just dress him!” And “something must be wrong with him!” When we were in the thick of it.
But they are horrid people/parents and frankly, what worked for their fam does not for mine.

My kid was just like that at that age. We used to call him our little houdini. He eventually out grew it. It is not a sensory issue; it is his personality. Now he dresses himself, quite snappily i must say.

I think part of it is control—as adults we can say “i don’t feel like going out” but kids don’t often get that option. But they know if they don’t get dressed they can’t go out, so they refuse to get dressed. I started discussing what our daily plans were and asked kid for input and when he felt more agency over his day, he started getting dressed himself!

I would be willing to bet big money that this is a sensory issue. Take that sweet child to an OT stat.

OP I think you’ve gotten good ideas but I would also definitely talk to him about it at a quiet, calm time not near dressing time. Just say “hey kiddo, we keep having times where you’re getting really upset about getting dressed. I want to try to find a way to get out the door that you like. Can you tell me more about when you get upset about clothes?” Just see what he says. It’s not about giving him carte Blanche or putting the problem on his shoulders, it’s just important to talk about things when it’s not in the moment imo to help them process.

There is some good advice here (and some not so good).

First, put away out of season clothes so he at least can't put on the sweater when it's 95 deg.

A picture chart (or social story) about dressing might help. They're easy enough to print online for free. If it doesn't help, no biggie.

If he'll dress the night before, that can work. I would totally let him wear pj's to wherever he's going. He's 3, I tend to toddlers at church and he would not be the first kid to show up in pjs!

I don't think this is a behavior issue. It probably is a sensory issue. It's hard because little kids can't really say why they don't like or like a certain piece of clothing. I do think you should consider a OT evaluation, but in the immediate term-I'd focus on just getting clothing on him regardless of it's pj's or clashing patterns or whatever.

This sounds like sensory issues and I would address that first before assuming its poor behavior. I hope for your sake it is poor behavior because then it will pass. I have a 9 year old who still often screams about getting dressed in the morning. And we still miss activities because he won't wear clothes. Its sensory processing disorder and it doesn't get better by force. It makes no sense to me, but I have been assured by many doctors that it is a real thing and he's not just being a pain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds really hard. Have you tried any of the following?

- making it into a game (who can get dressed first?)
- dressing him in his tomorrow clothes.the night before?
- Just let him wear his pajamas all day?
- Singing songs for each item? Just make up a tune about taking off pajamas?
- Have him watch a short video while you dress him (I know, screens are evil, could backfire, but worth trying if it can avoid an hour long standoff)

Wow!! This is how you create entitled snowflakes. Dance around your kids catering to all their childhood whims. My parents never did this and I refuse to. Sometimes in life sh!+ just has to get done and it's not comfortable or convenient for me - everyone needs to learn that lesson.

Really? My Boomer mom let me watch tv all day long in the 80’s! If someone suggested a short video to quiet me down and get dressed, that tv would have been turned on so fast.

My kid was like this. The teacher said to let him wear his pajamas to school and all the kids will ask why him why.

After a few days, he started wearing his cloths cc’d to school, no fussing

If this were my kid I would not fight it. They can wear underwear in the house all they want. For school, I’d dress them in the car seat strapped in and then drop them off. It’ll pass.

NP here - what is the difference between “all toddlers do this” and needing a psych evaluation or ASS evaluation!?

My kid wore regular clothes to bed for like 2 years as a toddler. Then in the morning all I did was change his diaper or change his night time pull up and put him in underpants. Otherwise he would fight me just like OP’s toddler. He has ASD and sensory issues.

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried dressing him in his clothes the night before?

This plus take anything weather inappropriate out of the drawer and put in a box somewhere he can’t see it. He should only have the clothes for that season available to him.

We have gone through periods of dressing resistance with my now 4yo, and playfulness often helps calm everyone down. Some things that have worked include:
--Playing along with the defiance: Saying in a funny way, "Don't you dare take off those pajamas! You better not put on that shirt, mister!" Lots of giggles ensue as they get to defy you but also make you happy.
--My older daughter will play "change the tractor parts" with her little brother, the shirt is the engine, socks are tires, etc.
--Sometimes there are hungry clothes, they like to eat legs and arms and tummies nom nom nom (often preceded by pajamas that are sick and barf up said body parts... kids love being gross)

Anonymous wrote:I like some of these ideas a lot, thank you so much. Will try the story and store ideas in particular. Really appreciate it.

For the snarky responses, I am not a SAHM of one child. He is my second, and I am expecting my third, and I work full time. People really need to examine their anger and why they project so much bitterness on others.

For this situation, I second dressing the night before. Also turning on the TV as a distraction. Once the TV is on, you can probably dress the kid as long as you stay quiet and do not block his line of sight. Yes, there might be a neuropsych eval in the future. For now, 5 minutes of cartoons are your friend.

Anonymous wrote:Your giving him too much power. If he doesn't want to get dressed, send him in jammies. Peer pressure will change the dynamics. Just make sure his hygiene (hair teeth, etc) are taken care of and don't sweat the rest. He is fighting you for the attention and you are giving it to him. He wins every time. Next time he fights you, ignore it and say "OK, let's go" take him as he is. He'll be confused and maybe think it's novel, maybe he chooses to fight with something else.

Yes. Do this.
My sister's kid refused to wear anything but underware until kindergarten. No shoes, no shirt, nothing but tighty whiteys.they took him everywhere they needed to go, stores, doctor, even preschool. It was Seattle.
For kindergarten, the kid understood that he had to wear the uniform so he did.
Kid just graduated from Stanford, totally normal, smart, easy going person. Still hates scratchy tags.