Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children.

You have got to be kidding. I hope this is satire.

m

Nope. I wouldn’t have married a man who didn’t appreciate or value having and raising children. His family is his number one priority. Not paper pushing.

Women with high powered career do not paper push. Luckily you DH does not care you are dumb.

Lol this is pretty much all high earning office jobs. Very few are doing anything extremely consequential. There are exceptions like surgeons, doctors, etc.

If you die tomorrow they will reassign your responsibilities to someone else and/or hire someone new.

I’ve actually risen up the ranks rather quickly once I figured out what a joke work is.

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a very generous and kind guy, but even he was questioning some of my spending and I found myself having to justify why I needed to buy this or that.

He felt the pressure of carrying the burden of being a provider.

I hated being dependent on him. I felt resentful that I did the exhausting work while he just went to the office and he got recognized and rewarded with money, status while I got nothing.

I would not put myself in that situation ever again. And financially having two incomes brings us to a whole other level.

I can really relate to the bolded. Sahms get so little respect, it’s demoralizing.

This^. It’s a thankless job and until it gets recognized by the society, no young woman should agree to it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I came here to discuss things but it immediately started in a fight. I no longer have an interest with the back and forth arguing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a very generous and kind guy, but even he was questioning some of my spending and I found myself having to justify why I needed to buy this or that.

He felt the pressure of carrying the burden of being a provider.

I hated being dependent on him. I felt resentful that I did the exhausting work while he just went to the office and he got recognized and rewarded with money, status while I got nothing.

I would not put myself in that situation ever again. And financially having two incomes brings us to a whole other level.

I can really relate to the bolded. Sahms get so little respect, it’s demoralizing.

Anonymous wrote:My family consists of husband, mom( me), toddler, and newborn. I had a great situation with my first - 16 weeks mat leave + ability to work PT until 6 months. I’m now at a new company and will only have 12 weeks mat leave + no option to scale back on work. I’ve been contemplating quitting my job to stay him for the next several years but the idea is worrisome. I full trust my husband, but I’ve never been financially dependent on anyone. My other concerns are being out of work too long, the economy, and becoming less of myself. We have been fortunate enough to live off my husband’s salary, while stocking mine away for a situation just like this one. What have you done? As a woman, did you feel secure enough to be provided for by your husband?

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a very generous and kind guy, but even he was questioning some of my spending and I found myself having to justify why I needed to buy this or that.

He felt the pressure of carrying the burden of being a provider.

I hated being dependent on him. I felt resentful that I did the exhausting work while he just went to the office and he got recognized and rewarded with money, status while I got nothing.

I would not put myself in that situation ever again. And financially having two incomes brings us to a whole other level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is that I wouldn’t return to work. There’s no easy time to work or return to work arguably leaving a young baby can be just as difficult as leaving a 3 or 4 year old. The women I’ve known who took time off spent years out of the workforce and struggled to return or never did. There was always an excuse about why they can’t work and it’s possible they needed to justify it. I think it put their families at a disadvantage and they incorrectly thought it was better for their children.

It’s also not considering that working is fairly easy. We’ve never lived in a safer world or had easier jobs. Someone 100 years ago would be shocked you can sit in a climate controlled office and use a computer and earn a six figure salary with paid vacation, healthcare, retirement savings etc. I personally have a difficult time passing this up.

Who’s to say it wasn’t better for their children? That’s a weird judgment. Every family is different. You also sound very privileged: plenty of people don’t make six figures.

Anonymous wrote:Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home. That's great! In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me. Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you.