Anonymous wrote:my bet is that the OP is actually a resentful stepmother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have others found that their (adult) children appear unappreciative of the trusts you have established for them? While they will receive more one day when my spouse and I pass away (hopefully not for many years!), they each have very substantial trusts that more than cover each of their needs every year, and then some. We made a conscious decision that giving unfettered access to tens of millions of dollars for each of our children would not be the right decision for our family; yet it feels as though the lack of personal control over this money has made them take it for granted as if it were not actually "given" to them.

Although it seems counterintuitive, does the lack of personal control over funds in a trust ultimately make your adult children less appreciative with money, and therefore less responsible? Or is this a phase they will grow out of? (They are all still in their twenties.)

First, people don’t have tens of millions of dollars. Second, why don’t they have control of a substantial portion? Most adult children with trusts do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You raised your kids to be ungrateful. I know plenty of families living off accumulated wealth of prior generations that are perfectly humble and grateful people.

+1. Seems this way to me as well.

Also giving the kids access to trusts in their twenties was probably a mistake. I grew up well off and am privileged to have come from generational wealth. My parents were very generous with helping me in my twenties, but there was no access to a huge trust fund. My siblings and I learned to be grateful for their help and to cover as much of our living expenses as possible independently.

Also, are you (the parents) hard working or also beneficiaries of generational wealth? While one of my parents comes from a wealthy family, both of my parents worked very hard in their careers until they retired and they’ve always lived modestly but given generously. They set a good example growing up. On the flip side, I know many people I grew up with who came from family money- their parents lived high on the hog despite not having real careers, and now there is not much left for their kids and grandkids.

I’ve read so many times on DCUM that people think that giving funds to descendants when they’re younger (20s and 30s) would have helped so much more in their lives than getting it all those years later. But I guess you run the risk of having entitled kids.

My estate attorney advised us to do the opposite, not to give before they were in there. 30s or 40s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start living it up now. Plan big family trips and create spectacular memories.

and then start donating meaningfully to causes who serve people in need. I guaranty those people will truly appreciate it, and you will do more good that way.

Sounds like a good way to hemorrhage money and ensure there is nothing left for your grandkids. Truly not my style. My grandkids are a better charity to me than random strangers.

If you can't do both than this thread probably isn't about you.

Let's make it clear. There is no amount of money that will ever be spare to me. All of it will go to MY future generations. My future generations are my charity. Even if I were a Billionaire - now I'm "only" in the XX millions. BTW I pay tons of taxes and view that as charity. The government uses that money for schools, roads, public infrastructure, subsidized housing, food for the poor, natural disasters, etc. I see no need for me to contribute more. I already contribute more to those causes through taxes than 90% of Americans make in a year.

+1000
I've paid more in "state taxes" in a single year than most people will earn in their lifetimes.
We are part of the rich that has no legal way to "shelter" income/capital gains/etc. What we earn we pay taxes on. So yes, we have paid more to support the US public than the average person. We also contribute to local charities, but bulk of our estate will go to our future generations of family.

If you get over the estate tax limit, you might find that setting up a private family foundation becomes part of the plan for one reason or another. That’s how most of them come about. It’s not like people sit around and say, “let’s take a huge chunk out of our estate and give it away.” That’s a fallacy. It’s because of the tax code incentivizing people to use CLATs and such.

Anonymous wrote:Have others found that their (adult) children appear unappreciative of the trusts you have established for them? While they will receive more one day when my spouse and I pass away (hopefully not for many years!), they each have very substantial trusts that more than cover each of their needs every year, and then some. We made a conscious decision that giving unfettered access to tens of millions of dollars for each of our children would not be the right decision for our family; yet it feels as though the lack of personal control over this money has made them take it for granted as if it were not actually "given" to them.

Although it seems counterintuitive, does the lack of personal control over funds in a trust ultimately make your adult children less appreciative with money, and therefore less responsible? Or is this a phase they will grow out of? (They are all still in their twenties.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You raised your kids to be ungrateful. I know plenty of families living off accumulated wealth of prior generations that are perfectly humble and grateful people.

+1. Seems this way to me as well.

Also giving the kids access to trusts in their twenties was probably a mistake. I grew up well off and am privileged to have come from generational wealth. My parents were very generous with helping me in my twenties, but there was no access to a huge trust fund. My siblings and I learned to be grateful for their help and to cover as much of our living expenses as possible independently.

Also, are you (the parents) hard working or also beneficiaries of generational wealth? While one of my parents comes from a wealthy family, both of my parents worked very hard in their careers until they retired and they’ve always lived modestly but given generously. They set a good example growing up. On the flip side, I know many people I grew up with who came from family money- their parents lived high on the hog despite not having real careers, and now there is not much left for their kids and grandkids.

I’ve read so many times on DCUM that people think that giving funds to descendants when they’re younger (20s and 30s) would have helped so much more in their lives than getting it all those years later. But I guess you run the risk of having entitled kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start living it up now. Plan big family trips and create spectacular memories.

and then start donating meaningfully to causes who serve people in need. I guaranty those people will truly appreciate it, and you will do more good that way.

Sounds like a good way to hemorrhage money and ensure there is nothing left for your grandkids. Truly not my style. My grandkids are a better charity to me than random strangers.

If you can't do both than this thread probably isn't about you.

Let's make it clear. There is no amount of money that will ever be spare to me. All of it will go to MY future generations. My future generations are my charity. Even if I were a Billionaire - now I'm "only" in the XX millions. BTW I pay tons of taxes and view that as charity. The government uses that money for schools, roads, public infrastructure, subsidized housing, food for the poor, natural disasters, etc. I see no need for me to contribute more. I already contribute more to those causes through taxes than 90% of Americans make in a year.

+1000
I've paid more in "state taxes" in a single year than most people will earn in their lifetimes.
We are part of the rich that has no legal way to "shelter" income/capital gains/etc. What we earn we pay taxes on. So yes, we have paid more to support the US public than the average person. We also contribute to local charities, but bulk of our estate will go to our future generations of family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start living it up now. Plan big family trips and create spectacular memories.

and then start donating meaningfully to causes who serve people in need. I guaranty those people will truly appreciate it, and you will do more good that way.

Sounds like a good way to hemorrhage money and ensure there is nothing left for your grandkids. Truly not my style. My grandkids are a better charity to me than random strangers.

If you can't do both than this thread probably isn't about you.

Let's make it clear. There is no amount of money that will ever be spare to me. All of it will go to MY future generations. My future generations are my charity. Even if I were a Billionaire - now I'm "only" in the XX millions. BTW I pay tons of taxes and view that as charity. The government uses that money for schools, roads, public infrastructure, subsidized housing, food for the poor, natural disasters, etc. I see no need for me to contribute more. I already contribute more to those causes through taxes than 90% of Americans make in a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start living it up now. Plan big family trips and create spectacular memories.

and then start donating meaningfully to causes who serve people in need. I guaranty those people will truly appreciate it, and you will do more good that way.

Sounds like a good way to hemorrhage money and ensure there is nothing left for your grandkids. Truly not my style. My grandkids are a better charity to me than random strangers.

If you can't do both than this thread probably isn't about you.

Let's make it clear. There is no amount of money that will ever be spare to me. All of it will go to MY future generations. My future generations are my charity. Even if I were a Billionaire - now I'm "only" in the XX millions. BTW I pay tons of taxes and view that as charity. The government uses that money for schools, roads, public infrastructure, subsidized housing, food for the poor, natural disasters, etc. I see no need for me to contribute more. I already contribute more to those causes through taxes than 90% of Americans make in a year.

Anonymous wrote:I'll take "Problems only the 1% worry about" for $1000, Alex.