Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is it with all this emotionally reactivity? Your husband? A kid? Both? Because you are really trying to hide the ball here on what is going on.

People with ADHD don’t like being reminded of what a hot mess they are. Some of them get really, really angry. Are the people with ADHD in this scenario on medication? If not, meds will help you a lot more than therapy will.

Do the people with ADHD think they have things to work on? Would they talk to an executive functioning coach?

Family therapy seems like a strange strategy without more insight into what else you are doing to solve ADHD problems.

OP, you need a therapist/coach with expertise re: executive function challenges, not talk therapy. You can't communicate out of ADHD. Get a good meds strategy in place for ADHD and anxiety FIRST or you are wasting your time and money.

Anonymous wrote:Who is it with all this emotionally reactivity? Your husband? A kid? Both? Because you are really trying to hide the ball here on what is going on.

People with ADHD don’t like being reminded of what a hot mess they are. Some of them get really, really angry. Are the people with ADHD in this scenario on medication? If not, meds will help you a lot more than therapy will.

Do the people with ADHD think they have things to work on? Would they talk to an executive functioning coach?

Family therapy seems like a strange strategy without more insight into what else you are doing to solve ADHD problems.

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of this quote from six feet under:
“Time flies when you’re having fun”
“No, time flies when you’re pretending to have fun”

Many people I’ve met who are constantly busy are avoiding facing some hard truths.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she means there is focus on getting the correct needed action to happen (plate in dishwasher, follow map directions, etc), and not dialogue around the guilt, shame and frustrations of constantly forgetting these things in and ADHD household and having it impact other people.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't know what the therapist is seeing during the sessions. Maybe when the others get emotionally activated you swing into a less emotional/more practical space. And, ironically, your moving into that space is an emotion-based response (to internal frustration). Therapist could be trying to get you to recognize and label what's going on inside with yourself when everyone is ramping up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are repeatedly stating how you perceive the situation in your family.
How about how the other people in your family perceive it?
Do you hear them if their perception does not align with yours? Do you "allow" them to express their feelings/ideas openly?
Is this what the therapist is trying to get at?

If the communication in your family is not working, something needs to change. Why not let the professional you hired try to address the issue, even if it is not the way you would address it (which, according to you, is not working)?

Everyone in the family expresses their emotions openly. It's just a bit exhausting to have big emotions for small things regularly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are repeatedly stating how you perceive the situation in your family.
How about how the other people in your family perceive it?
Do you hear them if their perception does not align with yours? Do you "allow" them to express their feelings/ideas openly?
Is this what the therapist is trying to get at?

If the communication in your family is not working, something needs to change. Why not let the professional you hired try to address the issue, even if it is not the way you would address it (which, according to you, is not working)?

That is the plan to listen. I am just wondering why if we have too many impulsive emotions like most ADHD families do, the issue is not enough emotions. Guess I'll find out. Have another session this week.

Honestly, you need to switch therapists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said
All of our issues are follow through, action-oriented implementation issues which then result in feelings because something went wrong and someone gets stressed and then communication breaks down.

You know that mistakes are going to happen in life. And people are going to drop the ball sometimes. If your emotional state hangs on everything going according to plan, you're setting up for volatility. It's better to become more familiar with your feelings as they are regularly.

OP here. My thoughts exactly. But the problem is that whenever anyone drops the ball, instead of just seeing it as a ball to pick up it becomes a character disagreement. That is what is annoying and while there could be some autistic traits, the more prevalent issue in the family is adhd. Mostly hyperactive adhd. So people are impulsive and reactive snd dont think their words qnd axrions through while also wanting to be as good as Michael Phelps type mentality in their area of focus
But they don't have the discipline. So it's really a cognitive issue to keeping things together and less emotionality around each ball dropped or trying not to drop balls. This is why it's confusing with the therapist because the issues are small and yet they are getting larger than necessary emotional reactions if anyone calls them even just calmly on a ball that is dropped. But instead of the therapist helping the family have a lessee reactive behavior to small issues she's saying that we don't focus enough on feelings and I'm thinking all I asked was for him to clean his plate and put it in the dishwasher. Or if there is a safety issue I'm wondering why people are focused on feelings and not ensuring themselves and others that they are safe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are repeatedly stating how you perceive the situation in your family.
How about how the other people in your family perceive it?
Do you hear them if their perception does not align with yours? Do you "allow" them to express their feelings/ideas openly?
Is this what the therapist is trying to get at?

If the communication in your family is not working, something needs to change. Why not let the professional you hired try to address the issue, even if it is not the way you would address it (which, according to you, is not working)?

That is the plan to listen. I am just wondering why if we have too many impulsive emotions like most ADHD families do, the issue is not enough emotions. Guess I'll find out. Have another session this week.