Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would push back citing the policy of the other senior member. Say “I have a family conflict that will pull me away from 8-8:40 every morning.” Or something.

How lame and performative of them btw. Yuck.

Don't say "family" conflict if you are a woman. It just feeds a stereotype. Leave it at, "I have a conflict, but am available after 8:45," or something like that.

Great point. I think a lot of women (including myself) have a tendency to over explain because we feel guilty for balancing kids and career. But we do not owe our employer an expectation for what we do during non work hours.

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband allowed to just be “unavailable”? That type of rigidity doesn’t work in my family.

Well when there are 2 incomes people are allowed to occasionally be unavailable. If there is a conflict in which both are unavailable then you hire help or one person tried to reschedule.

When the DH became unavailable it was ok because OP knew she had flexibility per her SVP. So it sounds like DH had her blessing. Hopefully her DH has her back if needed in the future, but here there was not ample scheduling opportunity. This is a job issue not a marital issue.

Also, many people balance earnings vs flexibility. I have the lower paying more flexible job and am ok with that because this is what works for us. What wouldn’t work is employer expectations changing at the last minute (I make more than 2x OP and would not accept an 8:20 am meeting late notice for 2 weeks straight).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not fine, as it turns out. He called my boss (who is in Denver) at 7:45 EDT and laid into him, saying I was being "uncooperative." Boss told him to pound sand, but this manager is now furious with me and already working up to chain to let anyone within earshot know how useless I am.

Your boss supports you and this manager is not making any friends doing this.

OP, you have unanimous support from DCUM which is basically unheard of. The only one who looks uncooperative here is this a hole who is expecting the universe to revolve around his one and only proposed meeting time outside normal core business hours. It’s not like you’re saying you can’t meet at 10 am. I guarantee all he is doing is making himself look unhinged by going after some mom making 70k (so clearly the worker bee, not a executive as you call yourself) because you need to take a kid to camp. He is not going to win himself any sympathy.

Plus your boss has your back, which matters more than what this guys thinks.

All my bosses have been childless women. The boomer ones ironically were wonderful about family obligations. The millenial ones have been nightmares. One colleague asked to work overnight hours -- a position that sat empty for months-- and the boss said no out of spite because "she only wants that shift for childcare reasons". As if anyone wants it out of the goodness of their hearts

Anonymous wrote:

And in the future, block your calendar when unavailable! It drives me crazy when people announce their unavailability for personal reasons after I schedule something but if a commitment is on their calendar I’ll respect that no problem.

Is there a limit to this? If I have an event to attend at 7 pm on Friday night, or a doctor's appointment at 7 am on Monday, do I need to block those times off in my calendar by your standards?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the kind of job you have to cancel vacation for, like a law firm? If not, then tell them you have prescheduled commitments and you cannot make that time. No ifs, ands or buts. If it was important enough that you be there, they should have asked you. If you’d been on vacation they’d have rescheduled or found a sub, right? So tell them that.

If it’s a job where you must cancel vacation to accommodate them, then that sucks and I’m sorry. Been there. Left for a more family friendly place. In the meantime call the camp and ask if they have a carpool list. Maybe you can make an arrangement with another parent or outright pay them.

Since OP said her salary is 70k, she should treat it as the bold type.

the bold, plus youcan cc: your SVP in and/or say "as SVP is aware" or something if there is a additional pushback

What would happen if you say “sorry I’m unavailable. I have a family commitment from 8-9”? If your boss will back you, this is the other persons problem to solve. They can go complain to your boss.

Might change how the other person perceived you but it’s not unreasonable to stand your ground.

And in the future, block your calendar when unavailable! It drives me crazy when people announce their unavailability for personal reasons after I schedule something but if a commitment is on their calendar I’ll respect that no problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not fine, as it turns out. He called my boss (who is in Denver) at 7:45 EDT and laid into him, saying I was being "uncooperative." Boss told him to pound sand, but this manager is now furious with me and already working up to chain to let anyone within earshot know how useless I am.

In my experience people don’t remember gossip about colleagues, they remember the gossiper. Stay polite and professional and helpful and people will remember you that way and remember the SVP’s spittle-flecked complexion that way.

Yup. And there's a corollary: if someone is being this difficult with you, then they've also done this with others. Senior leadership is aware this is him being unrealistic, not you slacking off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not fine, as it turns out. He called my boss (who is in Denver) at 7:45 EDT and laid into him, saying I was being "uncooperative." Boss told him to pound sand, but this manager is now furious with me and already working up to chain to let anyone within earshot know how useless I am.

In my experience people don’t remember gossip about colleagues, they remember the gossiper. Stay polite and professional and helpful and people will remember you that way and remember the SVP’s spittle-flecked complexion that way.

+1. Your boss was likely PISSED at the early wake up call by someone who is not following company (informal) policy. And this guy working up the chain just looks more and more ridiculous. Trust that you are not the only person in the company that has to deal with camp drop off and compressed work hours during the summer. And you are only making $70k, so you should not be in this position of being asked during non-work hours. This doesn't reflect on you at all.

You nailed the entire situation, including that it doesn't reflect on me. I still feel guilty about the whole thing, though.

Stop that. People pay thousands in job coaching to be able to do that. You can decide to do it for free, starting this very moment. Moving forward, make sure your calendar is blocked during hours when you know you aren't available. If it was, and the meeting was scheduled anyway, then you say, "I'm sorry, but I'm simply not available then, feel free to schedule some time when I am free and I can give you my updates then." You really just need to do it once and see that the whole company doesn't come tumbling down and no one is firing you. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I would push back citing the policy of the other senior member. Say “I have a family conflict that will pull me away from 8-8:40 every morning.” Or something.

How lame and performative of them btw. Yuck.

Same.

And agreed— seems like a gross power move.

Anonymous wrote:I would push back citing the policy of the other senior member. Say “I have a family conflict that will pull me away from 8-8:40 every morning.” Or something.

How lame and performative of them btw. Yuck.

Don't say "family" conflict if you are a woman. It just feeds a stereotype. Leave it at, "I have a conflict, but am available after 8:45," or something like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not fine, as it turns out. He called my boss (who is in Denver) at 7:45 EDT and laid into him, saying I was being "uncooperative." Boss told him to pound sand, but this manager is now furious with me and already working up to chain to let anyone within earshot know how useless I am.

In my experience people don’t remember gossip about colleagues, they remember the gossiper. Stay polite and professional and helpful and people will remember you that way and remember the SVP’s spittle-flecked complexion that way.

+1. Your boss was likely PISSED at the early wake up call by someone who is not following company (informal) policy. And this guy working up the chain just looks more and more ridiculous. Trust that you are not the only person in the company that has to deal with camp drop off and compressed work hours during the summer. And you are only making $70k, so you should not be in this position of being asked during non-work hours. This doesn't reflect on you at all.

You nailed the entire situation, including that it doesn't reflect on me. I still feel guilty about the whole thing, though.

You owe him nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not fine, as it turns out. He called my boss (who is in Denver) at 7:45 EDT and laid into him, saying I was being "uncooperative." Boss told him to pound sand, but this manager is now furious with me and already working up to chain to let anyone within earshot know how useless I am.

In my experience people don’t remember gossip about colleagues, they remember the gossiper. Stay polite and professional and helpful and people will remember you that way and remember the SVP’s spittle-flecked complexion that way.

+1. Your boss was likely PISSED at the early wake up call by someone who is not following company (informal) policy. And this guy working up the chain just looks more and more ridiculous. Trust that you are not the only person in the company that has to deal with camp drop off and compressed work hours during the summer. And you are only making $70k, so you should not be in this position of being asked during non-work hours. This doesn't reflect on you at all.

You nailed the entire situation, including that it doesn't reflect on me. I still feel guilty about the whole thing, though.

Anonymous wrote:So how long are you presenting for?

If there is no before care for the camp, arrive in enough time to get set up in your car. Make sure your child knows what time to get out of your car quietly.

They are doing this for their convenience alone, as NO ONE wants to meet at 8 am. Do the same. Do the call from your car.

Hopefully zero minutes.