Please share the girlfriend text verbatim
Let’s see it.

Anonymous wrote:Take out as much money in cash as possible immediately. And then get an attorney. Make sure you have access to accounts. You know this is not salvageable. Don't spend years trying to convince yourself that it is.

+100

Make a new Gmail / Google drive account.
Take screenshots of balances and download statements of all your bank accounts and retirement accounts and investments you know of. Do the same for any of his that you can.
Make a copy of the last 3 years tax returns.
Take screenshots of text conversations and send everything to your new account.
Take out cash and open a new bank account in your name.

Take steps to make sure you have a good handle on the baseline financial situation before you tell him you want a divorce in case he moves or hides money.

Don’t kick him out of the house or leave the house. Read up on what you need to do to protect yourself and your assets in a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention.

Cheating is on the cheater. It is a character flaw in him. There is nothing you did that caused him to cheat. The people asking about weight gain and regular sex are morons, trying to pin the blame on you. The blame is entirely on him.

+1. It's natural at first to even perhaps blame yourself but that misplaced guilt should not last more than 24 hrs. OP you will be okay. I have been married for 20 years and I will never cheat on my wife. There are good men (and women) around and once the dust settle you will find a better guy. As some have suggested go to therapy not because there is something wrong with you but because you need a professional to give you the tools you need to stop thinking about it. If you don't you will keep playing it over and over in your mind further damaging your mental health over something you had nothing to do with.

OP you married a sex addict. This is something you can't foresee or fix.

Wow! All 3??! Dang!

Anonymous wrote:OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention.

Cheating is on the cheater. It is a character flaw in him. There is nothing you did that caused him to cheat. The people asking about weight gain and regular sex are morons, trying to pin the blame on you. The blame is entirely on him.

Anonymous wrote:OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention.

Track the money he spent. That should be accounted for as reducing the marital funds when you split the assets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First step is to take good care of yourself. Finding a therapist will help, but so will making sure you eat and work out.

Second step: don't confront without evidence. He will deny, deny, deny and make you feel crazy. So stay quiet and dig. Get the information you need so that no one can turn it around on you and claim you are delusional. Because believe me, they will.

This step: get your ducks in a row. Where is the money? And find a good lawyer. Even if you choose not to divorce, you need to know your options.

And get over to survivinginfidelity.com for support. People on this board don't understand the way that infidelity veterans do. Good luck.

Do we really want advice from people who are professional betrayal victims? I'd consult a divorce attorney instead.

Did you not notice the advice to find a good lawyer in an earlier paragraph?

But what, pray tell, is a “professional betrayal victim”? Someone who is paid to be betrayed??? You seem a little odd…

Anonymous wrote:OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention.

Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. Lawyer up.

OP- I’m in very good shape. Was having sex with him. Girlfriend reached out to me when he ended it with her. She was angry. It was awful. Gave me many details about them. She did not tell me about everything else. I found text evidence in his phone and asked him, he admitted to things I never would’ve known or have seen in retrospect. Called numbers on our phone bills and googled the numbers and Many of the numbers showed up online connected to advertisements for women. There was a ton of cash that was being spent (Upon review of our bank records) I was not paying attention.

Anonymous wrote:OP if you were not having regular sex w ur husband or if you gained a lot of weight, you r part of the problem along with him.

Is that a joke? Are you saying that if someone's wife gets fat he will stop having sex with her just because she got fat come on now. Then all these fat men must not be having sex then lol

Wait, has he admitted it? Is there evidence in addition to this text? Was the "girlfriend" the one who told you about the sex workers or did he? I'd hesitate to immediately accept the word of a random text from a stranger.

But at any rate, sounds like you find it credible. And in that case, as others have pointed out, you know what to do. I'm not a person who screams "divorce" just because someone has been unfaithful. But the whole story you are getting here is pretty bad -- what would put me over the top is the participation of the exploitation of vulnerable women that generally comes with paying for sex. I'd see a divorce attorney.

Get yourself tested for STDs asap.

Don’t tell him anything. Start moving money out of accounts and hire a lawyer. Start making your escape plan before he knows what is happening.