Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought

I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.

Oh come on. People who make it to Yale Law, with some very few exceptions, do not actually have developmental disorders that seriously impact their ability to learn or socialize. The ones who do actually have ADHD or autism visibly struggle - drop out; get kicked out; or are the one kid who mysteriously cannot get a job. Being awkward and rude doesn’t mean you are autistic. Possibly they would nevertheless get a diagnosis today - but for those of us who actually have 2e kids whose behaviors and challenges mean they would never be accepted to a mainstream private, it’s extremely grating to hear these kinds of claims. (And yes, we have worked with private school admissions consultants who have told us this, so we know.)

op - my point is that the criteria for diagnosis is changing such that diagnoses are becoming wildly common among kids who in many ways blend in neurotypically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...

Old eggs with woman having kids later

Screens and less physical and mental play

Poor nutrition and lack of exercise

Coddling parents that don’t let kids get bored, make mistakes, work hard, or persevere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course private school kids have so many diagnoses. Rich people buy diagnoses so their kids can get accommodations.

Several parents I know said they were going private because their kid was not doing well in our school. The public is lovely with many kids doing very well. Not all are so rich that they can buy diagnoses. They may go cheaper religious that has smaller class sizes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought

I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.

Oh come on. People who make it to Yale Law, with some very few exceptions, do not actually have developmental disorders that seriously impact their ability to learn or socialize. The ones who do actually have ADHD or autism visibly struggle - drop out; get kicked out; or are the one kid who mysteriously cannot get a job. Being awkward and rude doesn’t mean you are autistic. Possibly they would nevertheless get a diagnosis today - but for those of us who actually have 2e kids whose behaviors and challenges mean they would never be accepted to a mainstream private, it’s extremely grating to hear these kinds of claims. (And yes, we have worked with private school admissions consultants who have told us this, so we know.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...

It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.

This is very typical at mainstream privates even the prestigious ones. Niece with ADHD is at a Big 3 and many others we know in the community have some kind of special needs. The school is divided up into three main groups which are the really wealthy kids who are lifers. Most are NT. Some are high achievers and some are not. The more upper middle class families have kids with some kind of social or academic challenge. They are usually really smart so they compensate but have had issues at the big public making friends or need smaller classes to focus better. These families are usually full pay. There's a third group of really high achievers who come in later, usually high school, and they are usually brought in to bring up the college admissions stats. They are usually sure bets for a top 20-30.

no these highly competitive privates are. not actually full of 2e kids. lololol. they are full of kids whose parents paid $$ to get them on essentially performance enhancing drugs and extended time on the SATs.

Anonymous wrote:Of course private school kids have so many diagnoses. Rich people buy diagnoses so their kids can get accommodations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?

My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.

A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.

I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.

Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.

+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.

yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …

Who said anything about "intense SN"? Nobody on this thread is talking about profound or severe disabilities.

I won't share DC's story here but it definitely could have gone differently. DC does not have an IEP in large part because of the private supports we are lucky to be able to access. And the diagnosis helps us to know what those are. Sorry that undermines your narrative.

I mean, that’s what I’m trying to say- these are not actual diagnoses.

Lol ok

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?

My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.

A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.

I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.

Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.

+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.

yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …

Who said anything about "intense SN"? Nobody on this thread is talking about profound or severe disabilities.

I won't share DC's story here but it definitely could have gone differently. DC does not have an IEP in large part because of the private supports we are lucky to be able to access. And the diagnosis helps us to know what those are. Sorry that undermines your narrative.

I mean, that’s what I’m trying to say- these are not actual diagnoses.

Anonymous wrote:My kid, who was eventually diagnosed with “just” ADHD was counseled out of a mainstream private. It was absolutely horrible for all of us. I know private schools vary but it’s been my experience that they want easy kids and they kick out kids who are not easy or demand their parents make them easy through medication or whatever. I’m not against medication (my child is medicated, but can’t take stimulants so probably sub-optimally) but I also think there’s a lot of unreasonable expectations for young children. I have a neighbor who taught first grade for many years and she says all the time that kids are now expected to do what was always kindergarten work before. So they have to sit still for it. And they have to sit still pretty much all day with the exception of a short crappy recess (and indoor recess is watching tv).

After my kid was diagnosed we realized my husband also has it but instead of medication he has me. I have tried to get him to at least try medication so I can have a break but he won’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.

I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...

It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.

This. Some people put their kids in private because they’re ultra wealthy and can afford it without blinking an eye. Others put their kids in private besides they have needs that are beyond what a less resourced public school could give them.

Where tf is this narrative that the DC elite privates are actually 2e schools coming from? As the mom of an actually 2e kid who *wouldn’t even be admitted to Lab*, please, tell me more. We have the money.

Do you think people are shelling out 40k per year per kid for smaller class sizes because their kids are thriving in a public school environment ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?

My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.

A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.

I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.

Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.

+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.

yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …

Who said anything about "intense SN"? Nobody on this thread is talking about profound or severe disabilities.

I won't share DC's story here but it definitely could have gone differently. DC does not have an IEP in large part because of the private supports we are lucky to be able to access. And the diagnosis helps us to know what those are. Sorry that undermines your narrative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?

My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.

A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.

I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.

Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.

+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.

yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …