Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)

Agree with this. There seem to be two big groups in my DD’s 8th grade class, both mixed gender. One group with lots of drama and mean girls/boys. The other group is nerdier, more studious, kinder, and no drama. The whole first group just got in trouble for vaping. You can physically see who is in which group (girls at least - the boys are more difficult) - the girls in the first group wear crop tops and makeup. The girls in the second group wear baggy clothes and no makeup. I know you’re not supposed to comment on how girls dress, but in this case the crop tops/makeup scream self esteem issues at me and I think it’s a visible expression of what’s going on in the group.

+1000

It’s bad and it doesn’t get better through high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)

Agree with this. There seem to be two big groups in my DD’s 8th grade class, both mixed gender. One group with lots of drama and mean girls/boys. The other group is nerdier, more studious, kinder, and no drama. The whole first group just got in trouble for vaping. You can physically see who is in which group (girls at least - the boys are more difficult) - the girls in the first group wear crop tops and makeup. The girls in the second group wear baggy clothes and no makeup. I know you’re not supposed to comment on how girls dress, but in this case the crop tops/makeup scream self esteem issues at me and I think it’s a visible expression of what’s going on in the group.

Same at our school. And then in HS it escalates further and becomes divided not just by parent permissiveness but by money. There's the kids with permissive parents and then the kids with permissive wealthy parents who have access to things like cars, weekend houses, vacations without parents, etc. And then everybody else is in subcategories of the group of girls with strict parents.

The boys are divided by sporty rich boys with permissive parents, sporty boys who are really focused on their sport and have strict parents, and "weird" boys (neurodiverse, artsy, etc.). Whenever I get fed up with the social scene for girls I feel relieved that they have more options than boys at our school.

Anonymous wrote:

My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)

Agree with this. There seem to be two big groups in my DD’s 8th grade class, both mixed gender. One group with lots of drama and mean girls/boys. The other group is nerdier, more studious, kinder, and no drama. The whole first group just got in trouble for vaping. You can physically see who is in which group (girls at least - the boys are more difficult) - the girls in the first group wear crop tops and makeup. The girls in the second group wear baggy clothes and no makeup. I know you’re not supposed to comment on how girls dress, but in this case the crop tops/makeup scream self esteem issues at me and I think it’s a visible expression of what’s going on in the group.

I never experienced this. My daughter experienced it is 6th grade and it got bad quickly. We moved schools. Have not seen it since.

My DD had a horrible time in MS. Some brought on by herself (not listening to me when I told her to change certain behaviors) and some brought on by girls just being mean and vying to be queen bee. She's in 9th grade now and it's been night and day (thankfully!). Some insights directly from her -
- She feels like nothing can be worse than what she experienced last year (wait until her first heartbreak!)
- A lot of her new friends feel like MS was their best years and struggle with adjusting to HS. Yeah, little fish in big pond now.

My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)
- DD learned how to deal with adversity. Also what a good true friend is and isn't. She has little tolerance now for friend BS.
- DD learned not to gossip or get involved with it. I tell her all the time "give them nothing to talk about". She'll gossip with me since it's going nowhere. She now observes the constant girl fighting of words, outbursts in class, nasty social media fights. I hope she continues to stay on the perimeter.

My son had issues in ES, MS was COVID and HS has been uneventful. He's also not in the "IT" crowd and seems content. He's also naturally easy going

Gosh you really nailed it with this description.

Expect it to last through freshman year, but I know for my oldest it’s SO much better this year sophomore year. Her friendships ebb and flow but she doesn’t seem to have a bestie, just several close friends. This is actually good bc there is less hurt feelings and jockeying for position. Sometimes she’s closer with some people over others and sometimes her or friends are “beefing” with each other but it seems to resolve or fade away. There are always new friends and new faces but they don’t replace the old ones.

Sadly, the dating drama has replaced it, but at least friendships are solid lol.

Yes, some are and they stay mean into HS. But there more nice girls. My DD has a nice friends group. They can be a little catty but in general, they are nice.

Always mean cliques everywhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

This means your precious child are her circle ARE the mean girls

+1….almost guaranteed.

“Can I just say that we don’t have a clique problem at this school?? And some of us shouldn’t have to take this workshop because some of us are just victims in this situation….”
-Regina George

+2

Anonymous wrote:Every girl who makes a new friend will do it at a cost to an old friend. It's crushing to watch. Parents turn a blind eye too.

“sometimes people just grow apart…”
—said with a slight shrug and a casual “what can you do?” tone.

This always seems to be the mantra from
the mouth of the mom whose child does the moving on. Never from the mom who spent nights consoling the crying daughter who was left behind.

Anonymous wrote:just wait until the drinking, drugs and sex start in. That becomes a whole other level of alienation.

My DD is so happy and relieved that she was cut loose before that piece started. She is still tangentially friends with one girl who is still “in” with the former pals and has noted that her life has become so complicated with all the party and sex expectations that she can barely focus on studies anymore. It’s too bad because the circle of kids had a couple of exceptionally bright kids among them who will now be fortunate to graduate with a GPA above a 2.5 and without experiencing pregnancy and/or abortion and/or public intoxication, DUI charges. And yes. It’s that bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

This means your precious child are her circle ARE the mean girls

+1….almost guaranteed.

“Can I just say that we don’t have a clique problem at this school?? And some of us shouldn’t have to take this workshop because some of us are just victims in this situation….”
-Regina George

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

There is always one parent who thinks their kid isn't mean ...

And it’s always the mom who has a successful private psychiatric practice treating preteens and teens for low self esteem exacerbated by the exact trauma that their own teen daughters are perpetuating at school. Irony.

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

This means your precious child are her circle ARE the mean girls

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is low-drama and found a group of very nice, low-drama friends. Hope your DD can do the same.

Again, nothing to do with low-drama. Sometimes socially inept low-drama kids can cause the most pain because they don't know how to mesh new friends with old friends or friends from music with friends from soccer and so on...it can be painful.

I thought you were talking about meanness. I'm confused how the low-drama friends are being "mean." This to me is hardly low-drama.