Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 16:50     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
SAHM with four kids. Weekly cleaners are $200. I probably spend another $100-$200/week on babysitters, which I use for: dates with DH and to allow me to do one-on-ones with my kids, or attend the older kids’ activities without carting my youngest (3 yr old) around.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 16:42     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you can't manage two kids with biweekly cleaners, SAH is not for you. If its so hard, why would you even want to? Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole.


Not op but I mean “can” and “want to” are different, right? I’m perfectly capable of managing two kids and a house with no help, but I don’t want to live my life without ever getting solo time to do my own adult things. If I don’t get to exercise, go on dates with my DH, go to doctor’s appointments etc when I need them and have some solo time for hobbies and relaxation, I’m not happy with how I’ve set up my life. If you’re a SAHM, doing those things means paying for some childcare (or having free care from family, or a spouse who will take over for you sometimes).


OP said she's "drowning." Sounds like "can't" to me. It doesn't seem like a good fit for her. Its not for everyone and I don't understand why so many who clearly dislike being a SAHM insist on remaining a SAHM. I think they just want to "not work" which is not the same thing.

Oh, and an occasional date night sitter and a part-time nanny are very different, but you knew that.


It may also depend on what kind of parent mode she is in. I don’t mean good or bad parent, but I was the kind of parent who spent all my time and energy interacting with my kid, or thinking about my kid, shopping or cooking for my kid, and doing research on my phone on my “down time.” It was borne of anxiety in part, and it is exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 16:21     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you can't manage two kids with biweekly cleaners, SAH is not for you. If its so hard, why would you even want to? Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole.


Not op but I mean “can” and “want to” are different, right? I’m perfectly capable of managing two kids and a house with no help, but I don’t want to live my life without ever getting solo time to do my own adult things. If I don’t get to exercise, go on dates with my DH, go to doctor’s appointments etc when I need them and have some solo time for hobbies and relaxation, I’m not happy with how I’ve set up my life. If you’re a SAHM, doing those things means paying for some childcare (or having free care from family, or a spouse who will take over for you sometimes).


OP said she's "drowning." Sounds like "can't" to me. It doesn't seem like a good fit for her. Its not for everyone and I don't understand why so many who clearly dislike being a SAHM insist on remaining a SAHM. I think they just want to "not work" which is not the same thing.

Oh, and an occasional date night sitter and a part-time nanny are very different, but you knew that.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 15:00     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Zero
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 14:50     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
When I was a sahm we did not spend any money on help. I have 3 kids but none with special needs and I am healthy and have the energy to clean and perform childcare duties.

If I was not able to do the sahm work and/or my kids presented with needs that I required assistance to handle I would have hired help.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 13:36     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:If you can't manage two kids with biweekly cleaners, SAH is not for you. If its so hard, why would you even want to? Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole.


I stayed with the third kid and did have help. I worked when I had 2 kids. DH earns a seven figure income and we can afford the help. I could leave home a napping baby, go work out, run an errand. I was able to go to school events without a baby. She did our laundry and cut my kids fruit for play dates. It was definitely a luxury.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 13:26     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:If you can't manage two kids with biweekly cleaners, SAH is not for you. If its so hard, why would you even want to? Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole.


Not op but I mean “can” and “want to” are different, right? I’m perfectly capable of managing two kids and a house with no help, but I don’t want to live my life without ever getting solo time to do my own adult things. If I don’t get to exercise, go on dates with my DH, go to doctor’s appointments etc when I need them and have some solo time for hobbies and relaxation, I’m not happy with how I’ve set up my life. If you’re a SAHM, doing those things means paying for some childcare (or having free care from family, or a spouse who will take over for you sometimes).
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 13:23     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
I have 3 kids. The oldest is in elementary school, I pay for PT preschool for the middle child, and the youngest (16 months) is home with me. I have biweekly housecleaning but yes it does feel crazy sometimes because my youngest is at the throw everything on the floor all the time age. I find it crazy every time but I know it will get better.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 13:17     Subject: Re:SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Can you afford to have the cleaners come weekly? I only have one kid who is now in school and it is still a drag for me to keep up with the house with 2x/month cleaners. There’s still the mountains of dishes and laundry, tidying, activities and scheduling, vacuuming and sweeping, and cooking. I do have a hand injury so that is part of it, and having a dog makes it necessary to vacuum and clean a lot more often.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 13:11     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:Zero. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to and we can afford it. But the processing of finding a reliable cleaner that actually does a good job has turned me off. I’m sure they exist, but after I’ve had bad luck enough times that it just isn’t worth the hassle for me.


It took going through 3 different cleaning crews but I finally found a cleaner that is at least good enough. But yes, if you want something done to your standards, I guess you have to do it yourself. Or have the crew clean and you come back in and finesse xyz.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 11:26     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
If you can't manage two kids with biweekly cleaners, SAH is not for you. If its so hard, why would you even want to? Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2024 00:20     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, spend what you can afford to to preserve your sanity (this will also help your marriage, which reduces the likelihood of divorce, which is financially crushing). There's no reason to be a mommy martyr.


What does this even mean. It’s possible to care for children without outside help without being a martyr.


Not for everyone it isn’t. Depends on your kids. For me, it’s impossible. My child has never slept through the night and is high needs so I’ve been a zombie for years. When I tried doing it all on no sleep I developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol.


That’s on you. High needs and refusing to sleep is just blaming it on the inability to set boundaries and sleep train.

You don’t need a housekeeper. You need to get your child sleeping.



If there are medical issues, they need a night nanny.


You just have no idea and should not post on this. Our night nannies (plural) compassionately quit because our kid was so stressed by them. I don’t want to thread derail getting into it. Just stop acting like no SAHMs could ever be legitimately struggling enough to need hired help. I’m glad you didn’t. We need people like you with easy kids to keep the world running while we’re drowning.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 23:58     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:I work from home at a very flexible job. Kids are in school FT. We have had a weekly cleaner and a nanny to help with school pick up and activities. Starting next year we decided that we can’t justify/afford paying a FT nanny for 3-4 hours of max per day.

I will be doing most school pick up and DH will work from home 2 days a week and take kids to activities. I have no idea if it’s going to work


You work. This is for stay at home parents.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 23:27     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
I work from home at a very flexible job. Kids are in school FT. We have had a weekly cleaner and a nanny to help with school pick up and activities. Starting next year we decided that we can’t justify/afford paying a FT nanny for 3-4 hours of max per day.

I will be doing most school pick up and DH will work from home 2 days a week and take kids to activities. I have no idea if it’s going to work
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 23:11     Subject: SAHPs- how much do you spend on household help/childcare?
Anonymous wrote:$0. I consider the cleaning/childcare to be my job


This, but if it’s the difference between hating and enjoying life and you can afford it, spend away!

We didn’t have tons of extra income when I wasn’t working, so I didn’t feel right prioritizing that.