Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:37     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Op, he can always look for a Girlfriend who would have them stay in and cook dinner. A Girlfriend who, although he might pay, finds ways to equalize the expense.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:36     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:Have you ever flown an airplane in the 1990s-2000s, and seen ads for Karrass seminars?

https://www.amazon.com/Business-Life-Dont-Deserve-Negotiate/dp/0965227499

"In Business As in Life, You Don't Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate"

-- Chester L. Karrass

If he can't find a woman who will charge a lower price, he has to pay.

If he enjoys the way she looks, he should pay fa share of the cost to create the look, by gifting her clothing / makeup, or paying for dates.


“Charge”
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:35     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son who is 20 pays for everything for his same age girlfriend. Both are in college. They eat at expensive places he can’t afford. He chauffeurs her around because she has no car. She doesn’t visit him at his dorm but he goes to her apartment to visit or get her where parking is very expensive. I am really deeply bothered by it but I keep my mouth shut because nothing good will come of me expressing my opinion. I love that he is generous and she has a lot of good qualities that make her a great GF but it’s over the top. I’m not saying he shouldn’t take her out but can’t she ever offer to at least cover herself? He works hard all summer at his internship and has nothing by the end of the school year. He never spends anything on himself. I have no idea how he will save to move out after college at this rate.


Where is this money coming from?

And if they are going on dates, isn't he enjoying them as well? That contradicts "he never spend anything on himself."

And it's totally normal for a guy to pick up his girlfriend for a date.

And he probably goes to her apartment because it is probably nicer and more private than his gross shared dorm room that he probably doesn't keep clean enough. If he goes to her apartment, don't they eat there some? you are saying he never eats at her apartment? If he eats at her place, does he pays and bring over 100 percent of the groceries? I doubt it.

You sound like a nightmare.


Nice job inventing a fantasy and then pretend it's fact.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:34     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you raised a gentleman OP, you should be proud!


Actually sounds to me like raising a misogynist. I tell my daughters to go Dutch or alternate paying. They are extremely well educated and will inherent millions, so I think it's fair.


Fair? Your daughter should pay, unless she is a minsandrist.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:12     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:Have you ever flown an airplane in the 1990s-2000s, and seen ads for Karrass seminars?

https://www.amazon.com/Business-Life-Dont-Deserve-Negotiate/dp/0965227499

"In Business As in Life, You Don't Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate"

-- Chester L. Karrass

If he can't find a woman who will charge a lower price, he has to pay.

If he enjoys the way she looks, he should pay fa share of the cost to create the look, by gifting her clothing / makeup, or paying for dates.


Ew.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 13:04     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:My son who is 20 pays for everything for his same age girlfriend. Both are in college. They eat at expensive places he can’t afford. He chauffeurs her around because she has no car. She doesn’t visit him at his dorm but he goes to her apartment to visit or get her where parking is very expensive. I am really deeply bothered by it but I keep my mouth shut because nothing good will come of me expressing my opinion. I love that he is generous and she has a lot of good qualities that make her a great GF but it’s over the top. I’m not saying he shouldn’t take her out but can’t she ever offer to at least cover herself? He works hard all summer at his internship and has nothing by the end of the school year. He never spends anything on himself. I have no idea how he will save to move out after college at this rate.


Where is this money coming from?

And if they are going on dates, isn't he enjoying them as well? That contradicts "he never spend anything on himself."

And it's totally normal for a guy to pick up his girlfriend for a date.

And he probably goes to her apartment because it is probably nicer and more private than his gross shared dorm room that he probably doesn't keep clean enough. If he goes to her apartment, don't they eat there some? you are saying he never eats at her apartment? If he eats at her place, does he pays and bring over 100 percent of the groceries? I doubt it.

You sound like a nightmare.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:57     Subject: Re:Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are GF's that pay 1/2 or a little less than 1/2 and there are GF's who pay nothing or close to nothing.

Neither is right or wrong but it does indicate if they want to be an equal partner or not. My sons want equal partners, so they won't date someone who expects a free ride all the time. Of course, the 1st few dates they pay 100%. But once you are dating it's an equal partnership.

That's not the right way per se, it's what they want in life.

Dating is about figuring out if you have the same value system. It's really up to your son to determine his values and find someone who shares those values.


Not my sons. They say it depends on who asked the other out. They are also looking for equal partners.


So if your sons get paid more than it is 50-50? When do women get an equal partner? Because studies show men get all the benefits and women don't. Married men and single women are the happiest.


This really only comes into play after marriage. By then of the man is earning more the women should take on more at home. If the roles are flipped then they are reversed. The couple needs to determine what works for them. DH and I are approximately equal earners at ~400k/each. We have different but equitable tasks that were discussed and work for us. We outsource things that matter less, like yard work, cleaning, etc. It's an evergreen discussion and balance. My girls see this and will likely end up with someone like PPs son, also like my husband, father, and brother.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:52     Subject: Re:Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:There are GF's that pay 1/2 or a little less than 1/2 and there are GF's who pay nothing or close to nothing.

Neither is right or wrong but it does indicate if they want to be an equal partner or not. My sons want equal partners, so they won't date someone who expects a free ride all the time. Of course, the 1st few dates they pay 100%. But once you are dating it's an equal partnership.

That's not the right way per se, it's what they want in life.

Dating is about figuring out if you have the same value system. It's really up to your son to determine his values and find someone who shares those values.


Yes to the bolded!
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:51     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Have you ever flown an airplane in the 1990s-2000s, and seen ads for Karrass seminars?

https://www.amazon.com/Business-Life-Dont-Deserve-Negotiate/dp/0965227499

"In Business As in Life, You Don't Get What You Deserve, You Get What You Negotiate"

-- Chester L. Karrass

If he can't find a woman who will charge a lower price, he has to pay.

If he enjoys the way she looks, he should pay fa share of the cost to create the look, by gifting her clothing / makeup, or paying for dates.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:49     Subject: Re:Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
[quote=Anonymous]i'm 26 and dating around, i never pay they always offer. in past relationships i think the only thing i bought was chipotle one time. i would say it depends on the woman, i've had friends who have split the bill w their dates or girl friends go 50/50 w their boyfriends. i think it honestly depends on the guy and how he feels about the person he is with. i also want to add i offer to pay sometimes and get shut down every single time. i think guys should pay especially if you're on a first date or early stages. [/quote]

Only if you want to give into power dynamic stereotypes.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:48     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you raised a gentleman OP, you should be proud!


Sorry, this isn't what gentlemen means in 2024. Gentlemen means equal partner.


+1
My daughters will probably end up with someone like their dad. We modeled equity, partnership, responsibility, and love.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:46     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you raised a gentleman OP, you should be proud!


Actually sounds to me like raising a misogynist. I tell my daughters to go Dutch or alternate paying. They are extremely well educated and will inherent millions, so I think it's fair.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:45     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you raised a gentleman OP, you should be proud!


Sounds like the women he is with are no better than prostitutes.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:41     Subject: Re:Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
I have girls and boys. I would be upset on their behalf if any of them had an SO that always expected my kid to foot the bill.

In college, the boy who asks out usually pays for the first couple/few dates, but if it turns into a relationship they split costs (based on what my kids have told me).
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2024 12:20     Subject: Are boys supposed to pay for everything?
That was how it was in college in the early 2000s. I didn't date much or have a long-term boyfriend, but dates generally paid. Now that I'm older and raising a son, I have a new perspective and hope that whoever he dates in college will chip in.